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Original poster

Partner being unhelpful with nursery pick up!

19 replies

TigermumT · 21/04/2019 22:26

I return to work from maternity leave this week, it’s been a year almost to the day which is slightly longer than planned. But that’s another story.
I found my baby girl a place at a nursery (went and looked round on my own when I was pregnant) unfortunately the only days I could get were Monday’s and Fridays (decent nurseries round where I live are like gold dust)
My parents have been really kind and offered to have my little girl one day during the week, and so I’m going back to do 4 days worth of hours in 3.
The problem is drop off and pick up. Me and my partner both work in central London and commute from the suburbs. This means pick up time will be a rush and outright impossible if the trains play up.
Last week my partner agreed with his boss he can work from home one of the nursery days so he can get to the nursery before it closes. But he outright refuses to ask his boss about working an earlier day on the other day and expects my parents to step in if he’s going to be late. He says there isn’t anything he can do! I’m furious. He needs to speak to his boss! He should have had this all figured out weeks ago! But he also needs to take some responsibility right?

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 22/04/2019 01:32

You're working three days right? Why can't you ask YOUR boss if you can get out earlier one day? And your parents pick up the third day?

Your partner may be afraid for his job OP.

Purpleartichoke · 22/04/2019 01:38

She is working 4 days in 3. He has to be the one to do pickups.

HennyPennyHorror · 22/04/2019 01:49

Well it seems that their days are too long....and that the whole thing has been left too late. I'd be looking for a childminder. Or a nanny.

managedmis · 22/04/2019 01:51

How many days does he work?

HennyPennyHorror · 22/04/2019 02:03

One would assume full-time Managed or OP would have said otherwise.

Alicewond · 22/04/2019 02:14

His boss has already been flexible allowing him to work from home one day a week, why would they allow him to alter his hours on another day? Where does he work? I think YABU and you have left this far too late to be resolving it easily now

HennyPennyHorror · 22/04/2019 02:18

I agree Alice OP it's natural you're panicking but this has all been left quite late in the day to sort out.

It honestly sounds like you need a childminder or nanny due to your late finishes. If one of you had late finishes it would be ok...but you don't.

coolwalking · 22/04/2019 02:25

Better to have a nursery closer to work than at home so you don't have to worry about getting back.

However with you being in London I second the idea of a childminder

gg96cgp · 22/04/2019 02:40

Could you do one of the pick ups and then finish your hours for that day at home in the evening?

Mummylovesbags · 22/04/2019 02:50

If you live in outer London and both work in London, could your budget extend to a Nanny ? It would be an investment but allow you both to be less stressed and concentrate on work. In a few years you won’t have that expense and be further along in your careers than if you’d precariously juggled childcare, illnesses, sick days, pickups.

Mummylovesbags · 22/04/2019 02:52

Also I agree a London daycare as alternative. Makes logical sense and would be the most practical and fastest solution. Plus you’d have more options for better care.

Mummylovesbags · 22/04/2019 02:54

By the way sometimes I feel on Mumsnet that people look to criticise the op of threads and jump on the critical bandwagon. If someone shares a problem or a mistake it’s not an opportunity to take advantage of their vulnerability and judge. I think this should be a place of safety, positivity and support. When you put that negativity out there it just makes you sound like someone that never left high school.

Original poster
TigermumT · 22/04/2019 08:23

My hours at work will be longer than the opening hours of the nursery, I.e I start before the nursery opens and finish after the nursery shuts, I’m an NHS employee in a large central London hospital. Taking my daughter on the tube into central London is not an option for me. I know this has been left that thats what I’m angry about my partner knew the nursery situation months and months ago and has only just landed the picking up problem on me now

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 22/04/2019 08:27

I would assume he’s read the situation and the second day leaving early is just too much to ask tbh. It’s quite a request (as is your 3 days in 4, it was great you had it agreed but not every employer is as flexible)

That said, I’d tell him he can work it out and think no more of it. He’ll have to sort something. The key is true 50:50 childcare is not stepping in to sort out his problems

redstapler · 22/04/2019 16:10

What time is pickup and is nursery walkable from your house? A local sixth former would probably pick up and look after at home for an hour or two for some extra cash.

Smoggle · 22/04/2019 16:13

He should have applied for flexible working months and months ago. Why has he left it so late?

If he can't do the pick up on the other day then he needs to arrange something else.

Original poster
TigermumT · 25/04/2019 10:11

Just an update, he spoke to his boss and doing an 8-4 on a Friday is absolutely fine Shock
Good thing he got it sorted as he went out last night with work, rolled in in the wee hours and got up and casually went in a couple of hours late this morning.
Not to mention the 2 hour restaurant lunches he’s occasionally takes with his colleagues. Hmm

OP posts:
dameofdilemma · 25/04/2019 12:15

"you have left this far too late to be resolving it easily now"

No. You've both collectively left it a little late and need to resolve it jointly together. Its not just your problem to solve.

Given you've done the leg work finding a nursery, adjusting your hours and its your parents who are covering a day - I'd say you've made at least an equal contribution. Now its your partner's turn to do his fair share.

Will he cover an equal share of sick days when you can't leave your child at nursery?

CherryPavlova · 25/04/2019 12:19

Maybe if you stop calling her ‘my child’ and start saying ‘our child’?

It feels like you are making all the decisions and not including him. What have two hour lunches got to do with anything?

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