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Work

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Original poster

Just gone back to work after a year off and am finding it heartbreaking

19 replies

babybore · 03/07/2007 16:16

Please tell me this gets easier. Have just started a new job (3 days a week so know I am lucky to get 2 week days with my dd). dd is in nursery.

First day yesterday - job fine but dd hardly slept at all at nursery (normally she is a very sleepy 1 year old and sleeps 1.5 hours in morning and afternoon). When I got home, dp had already picked her up from nursery, she ignored me and pushed me away the whole evening. Normally at 6.30 just before bathtime she is really snuggly and wants nobody but me. Found this rejection really really hard though obviously it's not her fault and she doesn't understand.

How long before this all seems normal and she and I settle down?

(PS Can't respond to any responses until tomorrow morning.)

OP posts:

WaynettaWiggumSpice · 03/07/2007 16:18

Poor you - it's really tough going back to work. It's strange for you, and strange for your DD, so don't be too hard on yourself. The first week is tough, the second week is a little easier, and so on.
Don't put any pressure on you or her, and it will all come right, honest.

daisyandbabybootoo · 03/07/2007 16:19

eEs its hard, but she will get used to it. My DS used to cling on to my legs when I left him at nursery and he was 2 when I went back to work.

It'll probably take her a few weeks to settle, then just when you think she has, she'll go through the realisation that its for keeps and give you another bit of grief.

Try to treat her as normally as possible and don't let er see how upset you are.

Good Luck

ginandt · 03/07/2007 18:11

It will get better and in no time things will be back to normal. I've gone through this x2 and it does settle down. you're all going through a big change and lots of emotions at the moment. Hopefully you'll soon find that you're both enjoying the new routine and enjoying the time together even more. Make time for yourself and dd and give yourself a break on the housework, etc. In the meantime, hang on in there and good luck.

SydneyB · 04/07/2007 08:51

babybore, i was just about to post the same message. PLEASE TELL ME IT GETS EASIER TOO. Just gone back after 8 months. DD, 7 months, in nursery 4 days a week and although I've changed my hours so that I can leave earlier than before to collect her I have realised that over these 4 days I will only see her for about 2 hours. DH takes her in the mornings but this am I only got 10 mins with her and that was to change her nappy. In the evenings she is SO SO frazzled she can barely muster a smile and its breaking my heart. Its not as if I really love my job. I'm only sodding well here to pay the mortgage and the childcare...

VeronicaMars · 04/07/2007 09:01

Girls IT DOES GET EASIER. It just becomes routine and your lo's will be fine.

toomuchtodo · 04/07/2007 09:03

sydney, if you are paying so much childcare could you cut your hours and so cut the cost of the nursery bill?

would be worth it for you if you could

SydneyB · 04/07/2007 09:07

Would love to but I have already cut them from 5 to 4 days a week and work is not receptive to anymore than that. Presently trying to come up with some kind of master plan. Like winning the lottery.

gingerninja · 04/07/2007 09:12

I'm due back in a few weeks too so I sympathise with you. I feel my heart breaking everytime I think about it. Hope it gets easier soon.

chocolatekimmy · 04/07/2007 10:57

It will settle down and be fine. My first 6 weeks back were ok but last week my 1 year old started screaming when I left her at nursery twice a week - penny has dropped for her I think that I am leaving her!

She is fine fairly soon after I go and I know that there are so many benefits for her, me and our family with me working

Remember that mum ALWAYS feels a lot worse than the child does - they are resiliant and adaptable

youpeskykids · 04/07/2007 11:38

Don't worry..in my experience, the thought/dread of going back to work is not always as bad as it seems. Don't forget tht any change in your normal routine (irrespective of whether you were used to it once before) is bound to be upsetting for both parents and baby. But soon enough, you'll all settle into a routine.

I dreaded going back to work with DS1, in fact, I dreaded it so much I think I let it spoil my maternity leave. And it is MUCH harder with your first DC. Am currently on Maternity Leave with DS2, going back in January - full time - and am quite looking forward to it!

But am also with SydneyB, it always seems to be about compromise, and as I am the main breadwinner in the family, we cannot afford for me to not go back to work, and so I am facing the prospect of going to work in Jan, and paying out around £1200 a month in childcare alone - just to be able to pay mortgage and provide food! Does seem very daft and I am often thinking, there must be more to life than this? There must be an easier way?!

Roll on Sept 08 when DS1 starts school!

SydneyB · 04/07/2007 11:59

Youpesky - there MUST be but what is it? DH and I keep going 'round in circles. Once you have massive mortgage you're trapped. Especially as the property market means you can't actually afford to buy the house you live in. Which is already too small for one child and you'd like another!

Original poster

babybore · 04/07/2007 15:14

Thanks for your replies. Feel a bit less emotional today (was v tired yesterday). I can see how I will get used to this in a few weeks. My head still tells me that a 3 day week is the best of both worlds, it's going to take my heart a little longer to catch up!

Sydney - understand what you mean about the evenings. My dd normally so smiley and alertseems like a zombie now.

OP posts:

sassasbc · 09/07/2007 10:12

hi im new here, but ive just read you post and i know exactly how you feel, im on a year off at the mo, and i go back to work in Jan and its spoiling my maternity leave now cos im beginning to count the months down, im absolutely dreading going back, i wasnt enjoying work that much before i left, and the thought of going back makes me feel sick. I can be away for 3 days with my job and the thought of not seeing my little boy for that long breaks my heart, i love him soooooooo much!! I hope it will be easier than i imagine its going to be.

Original poster

babybore · 09/07/2007 10:54

Don't let it spoil your maternity leave sass! It's quite nice being back at work in some ways.

Just not too happy with the nursery I think. Wondering if it's usual in a London nursery to have the babies/toddlers sleep in the same room as they play - just in a curtained off area?

OP posts:

SydneyB · 09/07/2007 11:04

Babybore, week 2 just started and it IS easier than last week.. Didn't think it would be but you do get used to things don't you? Ditto re DD's nursery. Apparently they get used to it..

Sass - don't let it ruin the rest of your leave - you've got AGES yet and probably by the time you get to Jan you'll be dying for some you time...

katewilson13 · 09/07/2007 15:37

I've just started week 4 of being back at work (3 days a week) - and it does get easier! I too let it spoil the end of maternity leave - but shouldn't have. Have found that either everything is exactly the same back at work or completely different - either way it is good to be doing something that is 'mine'. DS sort of settling into nursery - still sobbing as I leave him but I have it on good authority that he's fine by the time I get to the gate. He eats more there as well (I've really been struggling getting him to take on more solids); and he is settling into a nap routine. Babies are very adaptable - I worried about him just being in a curtained off area for naps but he's not let that stop him at all!

SydneyB · 10/07/2007 10:28

Yup, can second that Katie. It is amazing how quickly being back at work just becomes the norm again. Those last couple of weeks before I came back, settling DD into nursery, and fretting about work, were much worse than the reality I'm finding. MY DD also eats everything she's given at nursery but hardly anything at home! What's all that about? Would still prefer one less day a week at work but just trying to see that as more maternity pay by the time next DD/DS comes along! Also, talking to some of my antenatal friends still at home, a couple do seem a little bored... Whereas I just LOVE my day off with DD and play with her much more enthusiastically than I was with her at home 24/7. Sassa, PLEASE try and enjoy rest of leave and put work to back of your mind!

laughalot · 10/07/2007 12:51

Hi I have a liitle boy who is 3 on friday and a dd who is 6 months I start back to work in the morning I am only doing 2 days a week, today I feel a little down about it but I remember when I had my ds and went back to work it does soon become routine and gets easier.

Kewcumber · 10/07/2007 13:03

it took us about a month to really settle down and I found changing our routine helped. I put DS into the bath abuot 15 minutes later and spend longer in the bath then much longer reading and cuddling before bed. Gives him time to wind down a bit and reassured him I'm there. Seems to work mostly. He goes to sleep about an hour later than he used to but does sleep a little longer in the day too and I get to see a bit more of him in the evening.

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