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Original poster

City lawyer with toddlers can't cope

821 replies

RosieIrene · 11/06/2007 23:30

I work FT at a city firm and have two dd 1 and 3. Have a full time daily nanny but still can't cope. Work all day, come home and put kids to bed and work all evening to make billable target or have to go to client functions. So stressed out that on weekend just want to sit in garden with kids and do nothing. Can't sleep, can't talk to anyone. How do people manage?

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 14/06/2007 23:18

where did you learn to be quite so patronising?

mozhe · 14/06/2007 23:24

From Anna ?

controlfreaky2 · 14/06/2007 23:29

and so judgemental?

Judy1234 · 14/06/2007 23:42

Phew....I hope RosieI doesn't come back and read the rather irrelevant bits of the thread. The relevant parts in summary are:-

  1. Tiny ones are very hard work whether you work or not. Work can be a break from them in a sense.
  2. Stick it out as they will get older and it will be fine.
  3. Lots of us love working full time and having children but some of us don't and some men and women choose not to work at all and like that.

Is that about it?

anniem, if you're ever unhappy about working full time (but have to) just listen to my voice of reason - it is better for your child so it's win/win all round or at least not damaging for your child if you prefer it expressed that way.

Caroline, my parents and sister were consistent like that. I think in 6 years my sister has never not put her children to bed ever, not once and it was the same with my parents. I thought tonight was fun because I wasn't putting mine to bed and that it's great sometimes they don't have a parent there at bed time. We all just differ on these matters but mostly parents do a good job and it's realising you're a good enough parent and worker that's important.

There is a really big problem for some women in reaslising their strengths. They almost apologise for being at work whereas some men think the company is lucky to have them and ask for more pay. Ditto as parents. Realise how wonderful you are to your children and the people you work for.

Anna8888 · 15/06/2007 08:34

I hope she does come back, and read the whole thread, which I have just re-read.

The posters who advocate at the very least consideration of the option of reducing her working hours present their case calmly and rationally and as a defence of their personal choice and experience. There are lots of interesting ideas and sympathy for the OP's plight.

The posters who defend full-time working at all costs are emotional, do not read the whole thread, quote other posters out of context (or, worse, get worked up about misquotes without bothering to read the original posts they purportedly refer to) and make personal attacks.

On the basis of this thread, I am reminded why I left that enclave of bitchy competition that is the office for a more balanced life.

If the OP is intelligent and sensitive (which I am sure she is) she will of course be able to assess this thread for herself and draw her own conclusions.

Eleusis · 15/06/2007 08:50

"bitchy competition that is the office" I think that describes your behaviour much better than it describes my office. Speaking of which, I must get away from this thread and do some work today.

You have presented a broad sweeping insult for everyone who does not support your cause. Could you tell whom you are referring to? And what they said that leads you to this conclusion?

Anna8888 · 15/06/2007 08:55

Eleusis - no, I am not going to write an essay.

But you just proved my point by making a personal attack. What's the point? Surely the OP wants a reasoned presentation of the advantages and disadvantages of all potential scenarios, not a slanging match?

Eleusis · 15/06/2007 09:22

Anna the number of time you claim I have proved your point and the number of time I actually have are very different.

I think if you are going to make broad sweeping accusation you could atleast identify whom you are referring to and perhaps give one or two examples. It doesn't require an essay.

mumblechum · 15/06/2007 09:22

OBLOMOV, come and join me in the naughty corner!

(I shudder to say what the result would have been if I'd said what I really think!)

Anna8888 · 15/06/2007 10:06

Eleusis - I am making a general point about the tone of those who defend full-time working. You can read the thread for yourself, all the examples are there for you to read and I don't think any one or two have any merit in being singled out. It is the general stance and tone of the collective argument that strikes me - emotional and competitive on the one hand versus rational and empathisising on the other.

Eleusis · 15/06/2007 10:10

The only emotion I've seen on this thread has been a direct result of nannies being called thick. Go figure. Can't imagine why the took offense.

Okay, so you have nothing to suppport your accusation. Thought so.

Anna8888 · 15/06/2007 10:12

I agree, I read somewhere that nannies were called "thick" - in fact, I have read it more than once, on various threads. That is not polite.

But I have never done so myself. That word does not form part of my active vocabulary.

Anchovy · 15/06/2007 10:15

Anna - as I think I stated below, I work full time in exactly the profession with the OP is in and have 2 children only slightly older. I have not posted anything that could remotely be called "emotional and competitive". Nor has Soapbox, nor Issymum - working mothers who are often on here offering very practical help to mothers working full time and who work in very similar environemnts. Please do not summarise threads in a way that suits your own stance.

This has clearly turned from a thread of practical help to one of entrenched positions. As ever.

Anchovy · 15/06/2007 10:15

that the OP is in...

Eleusis · 15/06/2007 10:18

"... which is why most nannies are not particularly bright because if they were brighter they'd do something better paid."

You said this, Anna. Have I missed something? Was it a quote from elsewhere?

Anna8888 · 15/06/2007 10:22

Eleusis - you are reading "not particularly bright" as "thick"????????

not particularly beautiful = vile?
not particularly rich = on the breadline?
not particularly kind = a sadist?

Come, come Eleusis - your command of English is better than that.

littlelapin · 15/06/2007 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quattrocento · 15/06/2007 10:24

A lot of this thread is not going to be particularly helpful to someone who is visibly suffering from stress.

Why not take the arguments to another thread?

Anna8888 · 15/06/2007 10:25

Anchovy - you definitely aren't up there with the most emotional posters... but you still use words I wouldn't if I was trying to be credible and appear intelligent in defence of my position...

littlelapin · 15/06/2007 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enid · 15/06/2007 10:27

What a load of tosh spouted on this thread. For gods sake agree to disagree and stop having this frankly dull and pointless argument. We all do what we think is best. Xenia, Mozhe, Anna I am sure you are all fabulous parents in your own individual way. Now shut up the lot of you.

littlelapin · 15/06/2007 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caroline1852 · 15/06/2007 10:38

It's fess up time. It was me who used the word thick. Here it is:
"Isn't childcare a job you do when you are not very academic, sometimes even a bit thick? Do people who use such early years care really try to convince themselves that its otherwise?"
It does not however say that nannies or people who provide childcare ARE thick. Those nannies that responded so indignantly protesteth too much I think! I especially liked the one who said that she had been a nanny all her life and had designer goods!
I am sorry if the possibility that a nanny somewhere might be a bit thick caused hurt and upset to so many.

Anna8888 · 15/06/2007 10:41

Thanks Caroline

Anchovy · 15/06/2007 11:16

"Anchovy - you definitely aren't up there with the most emotional posters... but you still use words I wouldn't if I was trying to be credible and appear intelligent in defence of my position... "

Hmmm.

Just as a matter of interest, could you point out what words they may be? Am genuinely interested!

FWIW, I do not think I have "taken a stance" on this thread - just because I work full time in my job and in my circumstances I don't think that necessarily means everyone should.