Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

City lawyer with toddlers can't cope

821 replies

RosieIrene · 11/06/2007 23:30

I work FT at a city firm and have two dd 1 and 3. Have a full time daily nanny but still can't cope. Work all day, come home and put kids to bed and work all evening to make billable target or have to go to client functions. So stressed out that on weekend just want to sit in garden with kids and do nothing. Can't sleep, can't talk to anyone. How do people manage?

OP posts:
ScottishThistle · 14/06/2007 21:13

Aloha, I assume your polish au-pair with a degree speaks perfect english?

Aloha · 14/06/2007 21:13

Find me the exact quote. I challenge you.

Aloha · 14/06/2007 21:15

No, she speaks OK english, and that's Ok because she looks after my dd 2 days a week 9.30 - 3pm. I think my dd teaches her English. I think that's fine. She is kind and clever and patient and nice. But no, I don't think that is enough. If I wanted my dd to learn Polish it would be different. I don't think my dd's childcarer is stupid. I think she's clever and nice and I like her very much.

francagoestohollywood · 14/06/2007 21:15

... which is why most nannies are not particularly bright because if they were brighter they'd do something better paid.

francagoestohollywood · 14/06/2007 21:18

h 15.23

Oblomov · 14/06/2007 21:20

14 June 15.23.44
"which is why most nannies are not particularly bright because if they were brighter they'd do something better paid. "

Aloha · 14/06/2007 21:24

Go my au pair (not mine but i borrow her) is very clever indeed but if she spoke better English I'm sure she would have a better job. She is lovely and I really value her. We make a cake on her birthday and I constantly give her bonuses.
How do you know the situation in Paris is not different. And anyway, why should everyone have bloody childcare. It suits my dd fine (though she is very clinic if I try too much) but my ds has Aspergers and it did not suit him at all. In fact I think it damaged him a lot, and I feel racked with gult about it. Hence my decision to do something different with dd.

chocolatedot · 14/06/2007 21:26

FGH, you are out of touch with Nannies salaries, most are paid £25,000 - £35,000.

Aloha, I didn't suggest your cm was exploited, simply that she was paid a modest sum as most cm's are. I'm sorry you had one bad experience with childcare. Oh, and I too have a child with special needs, a severe global development delay which means that at 5, he is only learning to talk and becoming physically independent.

francagoestohollywood · 14/06/2007 21:26

do you mean children or adults aloha?

krabbiepatty · 14/06/2007 21:29

Wasn't FGH just quoting Anna888? Isn't the problem with Anna888 that she does not just say that not having childcare suits her and her life but generalises about what is best for everyone?

Oblomov · 14/06/2007 21:34

oh dear, I have had a message deleted.. This has never happened to me before. Please explain why this happens.

Aloha · 14/06/2007 21:34

I don't know what you mean franca.
It wasn't just one childcarer, sadly. Ds needed to be at home. That's not true of all children, but ds needed to be at home or with a very particular, very specific kind of childcare. And that's hard to find.

Oblomov · 14/06/2007 21:35

How do I find out, who found it offensive ?

francagoestohollywood · 14/06/2007 21:35

I was quoting, but I now feel bad, because she should be here discussing her positions with us. But she's probably out enjoying Paris ...

francagoestohollywood · 14/06/2007 21:36

why should everyone have bloody childcare, Aloha, did you mean why should every child have bloody childcare?

Oblomov · 14/06/2007 21:36

oh, I quoted mumblechum - and hers has been deleted.

Oblomov · 14/06/2007 21:38

i ASSUME THAT IT IS STUPID anna8888 NAKING THE COMPLAINTS. THE WOMAN IS A .......

bozza · 14/06/2007 21:40

Hmm scottishthistle, I was an au pair for a year between getting my 2:1 from Durham and starting my graduate job. I wouldn't say I was thick, but rather that I wanted a year out in a different country and a route to doing that.

MarshaBrady · 14/06/2007 21:42

Aloha i can understand if you had a terrible experience with using childcare you would make decisions accordingly. I dont use a nanny, work pt because i enjoy the work i do, pay over the odds for decent childcare and admit it would be terrifying to have a bad experience like the one you describe. Im sorry it happened to your little ds.
But i think all the conversation now is heading the way it is because ST was rightly offended by some remarks earlier. Being a good nanny doesnt have anything to do with how many degrees you have, there are other much more important qualities you should have to be a good nanny imo. So i dont think anyone is suggesting that all people have to use childcare, they are just defending nannies, and others who chose to work in that arena.

ScottishThistle · 14/06/2007 21:45

Bozza, sorry.

I seem to always be pointing out the difference between Nannies & Au-pairs.

I in no way was talking about all au-pairs, I was talking about au-pairs in the UK who are mostly young girls who don't speak good english & have no desire to do childcare as a profession.

anniemac · 14/06/2007 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bozza · 14/06/2007 22:44

ST I had no interest in childcare as a career so you got that bit right!

mozhe · 14/06/2007 22:48

Anna....you have a condition I call 'chronic over parenting'......imo as damaging, in the long term, as neglect. It is very, very controlling.....for goodness sake drink more red wine and indulge in a bit of benign neglect....
Oh yes..I had a moroccan nanny as a child...she stayed with our family for over 35 years, was much loved, intelligent, taught us all to speak arabic,( as well as french/english ) and did brilliant henna designs on our feet and hands...as well as rubbing our chests with hashish if we had a cold !( now that's what I call bnign neglect

There ARE lots of lovely nannies out there...in France as well as England...

Kewcumber · 14/06/2007 22:55

my brother and SIL "over parented" their eldest who they followed around every hour of the day, read books to, discussed world affairs with (OK I exaggerate a little) and she barely knew how to be on her own and just play. They were convinced that she was going to be a genius because she spoke early and read early and did 26 piece jigsaws in 36 secs . But all the other kids caught up and overtook her and she just a normal kid with aan inability to interact with other kids.

They had bored of that by the second child and she was pretty much ignored . She is brilliant and wins maths championships at national level and is a very pleasant outgoing teenager.

Oh and she had a VERY dim nanny for a lot of her childhood as SIL decided to go back to work after the intial child rearing experiment didn't work so well.

Thanks for the cheesy garlic bread ELeusis...

mozhe · 14/06/2007 23:10

So there you have it Anna....I recommend a chillout day tomorrow for you and mini-Anna...Gallons of vino/nail painting/mning for you and wall to wall plastic toys and turkey twizzlers for bebe... Enjoy!