Being a stay at home Mum?

[yummymummy1988]

I'm now a stay at home mum to my 10mo DS, my DH was supportive of my decision not to go back to work. Most days go by fairly quickly, although to be honest we don't do much in the way of going to groups or anything.
Two questions really, do you think I am holding him back by it being the 2 of us at home the majority of the time?
And did you feel like less of a person when you decided to become a SAHM? I have friends and hear of women with babies similar ages who are working FT or running businesses and manage.. I'm home all day and my DH is lucky if he comes home to the bed made and tea in the oven! Just feeling a bit useless really.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Work in GP practice?Medical secretary?you must be familiar with some health terminology
Start your plan now.map out what you want how you’ll get there
How likely are you to get a job 1 day week
You could start course etc now and by time govt childcare kicks in work few day a week

[Chosenbyyou]

Lipstick- you and I would get on well :)

[cantlivewithoutcoffee]

Lovelylovelyladies I totally agree and couldn't have phrased it better myself.

I don't know about your little one but mine napped twice a day at 10 months. When she woke in morning, my husband played with her for half an hour while I rested. He then left for work and we would have breakfast, play in the house until she went down for her nap. During nap time, I shower, make sure her lunch is sorted and things are all ready to head out. We go out as soon as she's up and had a snack and are out until lunchtime. Afternoon nap time is chores and making dinner, then when she's up again, we tend to see family or friends. My days fly by this way. You will go crazy if at home all day everyday and he will need more stimulation as he gets older

[Mumtothelittlefella]

I went back to work FT until mine were 3 and 4 and then became SAHM. I had a great career as head of marketing but my children needed me. Life was bloody hard with me and DH both working FT and the DC were so tired being in nursery all day everyday. DH went down to four days a week to reduce their time at nursery, and did most of the nursery pick ups. However, his work required him to be away often and so I changed my hours (still doing 40-50 hours a week) to fit in but it didn’t work for us, or the DC more importantly. I’d leave for work before the DH woke and they were so upset at not seeing me.

My DH has the potential to earn more so I gave up work 12 months ago. I love it. We all do. We’re all much much happier for it. At the moment I’m not thinking about returning to work but once the DC are older I might. I’m strategically involved in DH’s business growth so feel like I’m still part of something.

In an ideal world I think a three day week would be perfect but my ex-employers wouldn’t consider it (fair enough). Just do what work for your family and review it as they get older. What’s right for you now might not be right for you in the future.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Thanks, chosenbyyou 😁

[Lottie509]

I am a sahm, I love it! Enjoying every minute I can with my little ones, They grow up so fast I dont want to miss a second, We keep ourselves busy, I think thats the way to do it all really, So always plan stuff to do, And join playgroups, Meet ups with other mums, Even simple things like wrapping them up and a nice walk in the woods at this time of year collecting leaves making pictures, park, Taking a football on a field when its mild outside, look on facebook for groups of mums in your area, Its a fantastic way of finding really good playgroups that are at the same time really friendly, As I have found not all play groups are.
Its not all about keeping house, Its about enjoying as many experiences as you can with your little ones.

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

I would say however that times goes quickly and before you know it you have been out of work for five years, there's no reason why you can't do some volunteering or an OU course, use the time wisely

[yummymummy1988]

Sorry everyone if its like I'm not replying, each time I look there are more messages I haven't seen. Thank you for them all! If I was to return to work my Dad would have him so childcare isn't an issue. I don't have a course to finish - I'm a dental nurse and if I wanted to be a dental therapist it would be 3-5 years and uni and the nearest uni to me is about 60 miles away as we live in the back and beyond - and I think its quite a competitive course to get on to as only a limited number of places and I don't have the Biology A level it requires.
Thank you lovely lady that is a lovely way of thinking! I don't think I have ever really particularly been overly ambitious, and I know what you mean about it being nice not being restricted by anyone. As you say as long as the child is loved, healthy and happy it doesn't matter what the hell you do or don't do.
My MIL returned to work when DH was 4 months old as she was a high earner so I kind of expected her to turn up her nose a bit when I said I was handing in my notice - but she said that if we can afford it I do right as I won't get the time back etc, and it broke her heart when as a baby DH would run to his grandma (as he was with her most of the time) when he fell and not her, so it must have really hurt her at the time.
I just sometime feel like I must be really lazy/useless when I see all these women juggling everything and I can't even brush my hair before 12pm or have tea in the oven by 6pm when I haven't left the house all day lol! But I suppose I always have been a bit scatty so nothing really changes!
Thank you all for the messages I appreciate it xx

[ImAMarshmellow]

I work part time from 3-pm till late, so im Home with the little one during the day. Dc gets to go to childcare for a few hours then dp collects him and does the bath routine and I get back about 9.
We started doing various groups from about 4 months we found some we loved straight away, and some we hated. We stuck with 1 per week and a few random ones here and there. I mainly went for adult company as opposed to dc ‘getting something’ from the group.
If you don’t specifically want to do groups, even a coffee and a muffin at a local coffee can be nice break from scraping baby food of the walls.
He’s now 15 months and we’re currently working through the local playgroups to find ones we like. Most are church run so cheap/free to attend.
I found going out and doing things made me less tired. I think it was getting the blood flowing IYKWIM. The days we sit around the house I’m yawning by midday . It may be winter but as long as your both nice and wrapped up it’s still nice to get out. The local ducks have never been so well fed .
Do what works for your family. If you don’t want to go back straight away don’t, as long as everyone’s happy with the arrangement.

[Lovelylovelyladies]

can't live without coffee it's always a bit of a risk to admitting I am not career driven/don't care about money/actually enjoy being at home! But sometimes it's refreshing to get it off my chest.

Double naps are brilliant for getting stuff done.

Never stay inside all day! At least go for a walk and breath in some fresh air.
It took me until recently to meet real friends. It's hard to not feel obliged to be friends with someone just because your both mums! So this takes time.

Baby groups are ok if they are run well.
Park and crafts seems to be my default!

It takes time to find a balance and feel like everyone is contributing fairly and happily. Like anything you do it needs time to settle.
5 years in I feel like everything is covered and we can spend all after school time and weekends together just being a family which I guess is why we do what we do. It's why we ALL do what we do.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

OK,so that’s your plan.at 6mth, 1 and 3yr intervals.plan how to get there
If you have childcare that’s fortunate and cost effective
In the moment,get in a routine,get some order.youll feel more in control
Batch cook and freeze dinners for the adults and make baby meals too

Don’t describe yourself as scatty. You simply don’t have a routine mastered yet
You held down a responsible job for 10yr can’t be that ditzy?
Problem with using terms like scatty is you may become to believe it,self fulfilling prophecy

As an aside scatty is a gender specific word. Think Elle woods
I’ve never heard a man called scatty...

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

What interests you in life? Perhaps this is the time to re think your career

For now focus on getting a routine, getting out of the house and doing new thing and meeting new people. Its a different and exciting phase of you're life

[metalkprettyoneday]

I was able to stay home with daughter until school but tended to go out 3 or 4 days a week to free stuff. At the baby stage it was always singing time at the library, a coffee group and a couple of playgroups. It was nice to let them develop their social skills in playgroups - they get to run to you for reassurance when they need it too , which I liked.
I don't think your child will suffer not being at nursery if you are happy.
I'm back at work now and taking those years out hasn't made a difference to my career. Like you, I wasn't exactly on a fast career track though.

[Voice0fReason]

There is no reason why you can't learn/requalify whilst working and seek to put yourself on an equal footing with your partner.
Unless of course, she doesn't want to!
I never found it necessary to earn the same as my husband to put myself on an equal footing as him.
I was very happy being at home when my children were little. I did try full-time for a bit and then part-time, but although I enjoyed work, I found it so hard on so many levels that I was glad to walk away. My husband earned enough to support us all and we were equal partners in the family.

It was only because I took that time off, that new opportunities came my way and that has lead to a complete change in career and I now have a job that I love even more than I did before I had kids.

Do whatever makes you happy and can afford to do.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

If you financially depend on a man you’re not equal partners,regardless of how it’s described

[YippeeTeenager]

I hate it when people say that giving up paid work to look after a baby full time is ‘stepping down’, it’s absolutely not, it’s stepping up to a massive challenge. We all make different choices about whether we look after our own children or pay someone else to do it for us, and the right solution for you is exactly that, whatever feels right to you. And the great thing is, that you can change how you do things whenever and however you want. If you decide you want to work again at some stage then that’s fine, but there’s no rush. It’s not a crime to just enjoy spending time with your own baby. I’m working again full time now, but I ‘stepped down’ to spend the first five years with my DD and they were the most challenging but blessed years of my life and I’m so glad I did that and didn’t cave in to pressure to work through those years.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

It stepping down because you’ve lost financial autonomy.becoming dependent on a man
Stepping down because one tangibly gives up employment

Not disputing parenting isn’t hard,but it’s not stepping up to replace employment

[CaptainsCat]

I am very very happy being a SAHM. Personally I think children less than 3 aren't suited to long full time nursery hours. I don't feel less of a person as a SAHM, if you do then part time work may be good for you. Find the attitude of feeling left behind by your partner's earning potential and the idea that it's basically a woman's feminist duty to throw herself back into the work force ASAP a bit odd, but it is a rather polarising topic!

[CaptainsCat]

Nonsense lipstick, there's more to being equal partners than finances!

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Well that’s what unwaged women have to tell themselves

[Jenpug]

Absolute BS that I'm not an equal to my husband because he earns the money. How rude.

[CaptainsCat]

Maybe your opinion is what 'part time mums' have to tell themselves

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Rude is not moving a bag to allow one to sit down,rude is not holding a door
Stating the obvious isn’t rude,but it’s clearly touched a nerve

[Jenpug]

Bloody he'll cat, not that again!

[Jenpug]

What strikes a nerve is having a seemingly intelligent woman put down my life choices in the name of feminism. It's crap.