Being a stay at home Mum?

[yummymummy1988]

I'm now a stay at home mum to my 10mo DS, my DH was supportive of my decision not to go back to work. Most days go by fairly quickly, although to be honest we don't do much in the way of going to groups or anything.
Two questions really, do you think I am holding him back by it being the 2 of us at home the majority of the time?
And did you feel like less of a person when you decided to become a SAHM? I have friends and hear of women with babies similar ages who are working FT or running businesses and manage.. I'm home all day and my DH is lucky if he comes home to the bed made and tea in the oven! Just feeling a bit useless really.

[Tipsytopsyturvy]

Are you happy with your decision lipstick? To put a small child in a nursery. It wouldn’t be me. I could advise against it. But wouldn’t it’s not my place to advise another mum how to run their life and their family.
But you come across as though you feel you are right.
No job in the world would be worth my baby doing 40+ hours in nursery. But that’s just my opinion. I don’t claim to speak for or look down on anyone else

[CaptainsCat]

'Both sides know the drill'!? What is this, some WOHM vs SAHM call to arms?! I think you're enjoying riling people up aren't you - pitting women against each other, all about gender rights and equality, eh

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

No I’m not uncomfortable.Heard all this before,chapter & verse.

I’m not sensitised to this calling folk awful,rude,smug,nasty.havent used those words
It suggest a cognitive dissonance to do so,to be so aroused at any counter opinion

[Jenpug]

It does sometimes seem that the women who comment on women's rights are the most unkind to their fellow women. That is such a shame

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

The other thing about the high earning dh and mum at home is it can take a toll on a marriage. I see a lot of marriages like that where spouses seem so estranged from each other. I feel sorry for the husbands under pressure to slog away and maintain the lifestyle. Sharing of both earning and parenting much healthier I think.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Cursory review parenting sites, school gate,groups of parents we all know this
It’s not new,it’s not novel. And it’s on mn daily

[Jenpug]

So many working mums are really angered by the term full time mum. I think in many cases that suggests a little bit of guilt. Wrongly placed guilt bit guilt all the same. I'm sure a lot of working mothers have doubts they are doing the right thing as are as many sahm.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Really,I’ve never seen any anger about term ft parent.i think it’s a made up term

[Tipsytopsyturvy]

Lipstick I work not far from full time. So where would the cognitive dissonance come into it?
I don’t use nursery’s. I believe inherently that sahp is of value.
If I could t condense my hours I would be a sahp and have less money. No job is worth my precious time with my baby. My opinion my priorities.
Why do you preach to sahm about their financial vulnerability. Maybe you aren’t so comfortable as you think with your own choices. On a subconscious level.

[Nancy91]

I think it's dangerous to rely on a partner to provide for you. Always have a contingency plan. Plus I would be so bored at home that I think I'd go mad.

[CaptainsCat]

Not all SAHMs have high earning husbands!

[Jenpug]

Lipstick, you clearly.missed the massive thread on it on here for the last week or so.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

I agree nancy91

[LastMangoInPeckham]

@NataliaOsipova that is a really lovely illustration of how personal these choices are.

I have learned over the years, from my experience and that of other women around me, that many of us are simply muddling through trying to make the right decisions for ourselves and our children, both in the here and now and for the future. I am grateful that my decisions were right for me, I don't have any regrets,

I have also observed many men over the years, so blissfully untroubled by these dilemmas...sigh

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

I’m aware of that captain cat, just responding to a Pp who was extolling the virtues of that particular approach. I see a lot of it and it rarely seems to be a recipe for happiness, but that’s only my observation.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

This is a perennial, as are schools,bottle feeding,it’s on mn daily

[CaptainsCat]

No I agree karlos, it doesn't seem a recipe for happiness.

[Jenpug]

Karlos ia just trying to make me feel bad about my marriage as she failed to do so about my parenting.

[sonlypuppyfat]

I gave up work nearly 20 years ago. I've never missed it, I'm more than happy being at home

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Men are largely untroubled because some women facilitate their uninterrupted career
Because men aren’t held to some societal and cultural standards or expected to be primary carer

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

I know nothing about your circumstances, Jen. I think you are a little paranoid. My observations are drawn from my life.

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

I also, come to think of it, encounter a few women in that particular situation who are quite prickly with me and others who have kept working. That, sadly, does seem to be in evidence here.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Very much so karlos

[Jenpug]

It's difficult to make assumptions when you only have vague glimpses of how someone's home life works. I became too caught up on defending myself against women who really aren't open to anything I have to say. I think we could all do well to respect the choices of other women more.

[timeisnotaline]

You absolutely can be equal partners and financially dependent. (For the record my dh and I both work fairly full on full time jobs). My mum ran our house and everything in it including my dad while being a stay at home mum for nearly 20 years. Then her youngest was in high school so she got a job, was recognised and promoted easily. Mum and dad are unquestionably partners and always have been. To say it's not possible is bollocks. If I were a stay at home mum I would be an equal partner.