Being a stay at home Mum?

[yummymummy1988]

I'm now a stay at home mum to my 10mo DS, my DH was supportive of my decision not to go back to work. Most days go by fairly quickly, although to be honest we don't do much in the way of going to groups or anything.
Two questions really, do you think I am holding him back by it being the 2 of us at home the majority of the time?
And did you feel like less of a person when you decided to become a SAHM? I have friends and hear of women with babies similar ages who are working FT or running businesses and manage.. I'm home all day and my DH is lucky if he comes home to the bed made and tea in the oven! Just feeling a bit useless really.

[Redisthemagicolour]

I think we should push for CHOICE not equality. Not all women want to go back to work. Not all want to stay at home. Sorry this doesn’t answer the OP’s question.

There is no right or wrong OP. Do what’s right for your family. Things may change along the way. That’s fine too. 10 months is still so young. Nursery won’t hurt your child at that age. Neither will staying at home with you.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Gosh,let’s disavow ourselves of this pushing for equality nonsense
Cause our daughters can chose whether or not they want to be institutionally disadvantaged or chose whether or not there is a societal and cultural expectation that they are primary caregiver to children

Let’s not push for equality. Do you say that to your kids?

[Bubblebubblepop]

I find it sad that so many women earn so little and "just aren't ambitious!"'"not working makes me happy. Having a job doesn't make me happy"

Any man saying this would be viewed as a lazy fucker wouldn't they?

If women earned more there might be more of a "true" decision to make. On these threads women often say they gave up great well paying careers but when they give more details they often turn out not to really be, sadly.

[NerrSnerr]

But not everyone can be ambitious can they? Not everyone has the ability to have a brilliant well paying job either. There’s nothing wrong with someone working in low paid work. If there was we’d have a problem as we’d have no shopkeepers, health care assistants, bar staff, cleaners etc.

What a great, well paying career looks like is very subjective. Depends on academic ability, chosen career, location etc.

[Bubblebubblepop]

No everyone can. Same goes for men. Yet they are an overwhelming minority of SAHP

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Men have unskilled min wage jobs,no one says ach give up work stay home with kids

[NerrSnerr]

I agree that men should be able to stay at home if they want to and family finances allow. Just like women.

Everyone should have equal rights to choose (within whatever constraints their own circumstance allows).

I wanted to work part time. My husband didn’t. We could have both gone part time but he didn’t want to- and it meant that I could work less which is what I wanted. We had equal rights to choose, our salary is similar and both our jobs would have allowed it. Why would we do what we didn’t want just because of feminism?

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

You’re completely missing point and unnecessarily demonising feminism
Point being irrespective of wage earned a man has to step up & provide.to not do so is dysfunctional
Women on mn are routinely advised no point working for low wage,kids raised by strangers - stay home

[Impostress99]

* I think we should push for CHOICE not equality*

I’ve heard it all.

[Impostress99]

* I can't see the point of having kids and then getting someone else to bring them up*

Yes. You can’t see a fair bit, can you.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Haha. I can't see the point of having kids and then getting someone else to bring them up
Say that to your dh do you,when’s he absent working?or is it only directed at women who work?
So let me get this,men work ft= good. Women work ft=kids raised by strangers?

[Bubblebubblepop]

When people trot out the why have children line I think it tends to make them sound spectacularly dim.

There are very highly populated countries where it has been normal for many many years for overwhelming numbers of children to start childcare much earlier than they do in the UK and remain in it until they have grown up. what damage is this doing to MILLIONS of children in American? Or South Africa?

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

So let me get this,men work ft= good. Women work ft=kids raised by strangers?

Yes according to MN. Likewise a SAHM is there to look after the children and should do no housework and the DH should come home and take over the children and clean up. SAHD should do it all and is a cocklodger for living of her salary as too lazy to work. Doubles standards are rife.

[Chosenbyyou]

I wonder how many days at nursery tips over to someone else bringing up your child?! ;) is it one, two, three... Or a day with a grandparent or a day with the child's dad?!

if you are a single parent what is the 'right' answer for you?! Someone else or you - is this dependent on if you are male or female?! Sooo confusing the someone else argument lol

[franktheskank]

It depends what you want from life really.

No reason why you can’t go back to work when they’re older. I’ve been at home with kids for about 10 years and don’t plan on going back to work. Financially never needed to and I like being at home.

It depends on many things it’s not black and white, but IMO its best for babies and toddlers to be at home with one of their parents not in a nursery all day.

[Bubblebubblepop]

Well yes there is a reason why you may not be able to go back when they're older. You need to be realistic about his unappealing someone who has been out of work for 10 years may be to an employer

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

I think it’s quite irresponsible to encourage women to believe they will be able to step back in to decently-waged employment after years out of the labour market. The difficulties of this are well documented. It’s perhaps a little different in teaching or nursing where there is a lack of people coming into the profession and big efforts are made to encourage returners. But mostly it’s hard. In my profession it’s almost impossible.
I’m not saying don’t do it but for gods sake understand the risks - don’t go into it blind!

[franktheskank]

Depends what you’re expecting to go back to, and what your job was like before.

I think it’s worth the risk to have that time with your baby.

[franktheskank]

In the ops case she wasn’t in decently waged employment in the first place...

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

Perhaps she was and perhaps she wasn’t, but the blithe statement “ no reason you can’t go back when they’re older” is a little silly.
Plus working mums get time with their babies too, you know. It’s called maternity leave. Been around for a few years, I believe

[Impostress99]

Just FYI the bold failed and now it looks like I said the crap 💩 I was actually quoting —and mocking—

[franktheskank]

Well there’s no one stopping anyone from going back to work when kids are older and in school? As I said it depends on your job.

I’m not saying everyone should stay at home, if you want to go back to work ASAP then that’s your choice, it just wouldn’t be the one for me. I can think of far more important things to do.

[Dozer]

There’s plenty stopping mothers returning to good, well paid jobs.

Earning money and having a good job, building up pension, is pretty important in my opinion. DH I can do that AND attend to the even more important things, by which I assume you refer to parenting.

[franktheskank]

Like?

[Northernbird11]

I left my job to be a SAHM for a while - applied for the same job I had previously but at a different office, got an interview the next day and walked straight back into it on a better wage than my previous one!