ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE!

[himynameiss]

Hi all I'm seeking your much needed advice.
I have been back to work since having my child. It's been hard I'm not going to lie to you all. I was promoted 5 months in which was great.
Late August I was unwell and off with my child for a few days at a time in the space of two weeks.
I was then pulled up about this and also told the md of the company I work for (which to add is a similar company to mumsnet) doesn't care if I have had a bad nights sleep but my hair needs to be styled every day along with my make up being immaculate and that I need to up my game and that I'm basically shit, but you know told me they wasn't saying it to upset me.

In the background there was something going on about dress code and how the whole company need to be more professional. I heard from a close colleague that the MD said that people should dress according to size, which upset me and a few other colleagues I work with. You know especially after having a baby and not bouncing back to that desirable body we once had and had the time to maintain.

Cut a long story short I have been signed off for anxiety due to feeling intimidated and bullied by my boss. And have just been told by a colleague that the MD asked if I was pregnant last week to her. I'm a size 14 for Christ sake am I going Insaine or is this complete discrimination!?!??? Especially for the kind of company I'm working at!

IMO there are 2 issues here and you need to split them. Hearsay needs to be put to one side - dressing for your size and a colleague asking if your pg are things you’ve been told. Why your colleague told you I don’t know but what a stirrer!

You being called up on taking time off and ensuring lack of sleep isn’t apparent in your appearance - depending on your role appearance may be important so a manager may need to raise this.

As an employer it’s a very difficult line as you want your employees to be healthy and represent the company but you mention anything and employees scream “bullying”. Is it bullying (consistent demeaning behaviour) or just an M.D. with high standards of the employees? Only you can make that judgement.

If you always wear makeup then turn up without, sleep in your eyes and unbrushed hair then maybe they have a point.

I work in the nhs and one of our aims is to show that we’re encouraging a healthier workforce who represent the nhs and lead by example. So essentially one of my roles is to tell chain smoking fat nurses to lose weight and quit the fags - I’m really popular 😳 and with that in mind I regularly think I’m going to be accused of bullying no matter how nicely I go about it.

your going to get accused of bullying for sure. The fags I get. Especially working at a hospital.

I'm staying signed off sick until I become size 0!

Are you in a client facing role OP?

Yes. But mostly office based very rarely that I go on meetings and when I do. Full face & hair is done. It was only the other week I went on a client meeting & boss turned up and was doing her make up whilst waiting for the client to come and get us from reception.

I think I have just come to the conclusion that they want everyone to be a certain way which is fair enough. But I shouldn't have to change for anyone unless is affecting my actual work.

Thing is I’m not going to be done for bullying for sure as it’s a direct instruction from NHS England. Clearly there’s a way to say it but there are hospitals that refuse to employ smokers in the respiratory team.