Working full time

[Jenn78]

Hi

I just wondered whether there is anyone out there working full time that would be happy to share thoughts / comments on how it's going? My son is nearly 17 months and I returned to work FT when he was 10 months, partly because I love my job but partly because my boss and I agreed it couldn't be done part time.

I still love my job but am exhausted, guilt-ridden and a bit broken most of the time. None of my friends work full time so I'd love to hear from those of you in a similar situation..... 😊

Hi jenn78. I work full time but have the following set up

• i work from home so no commute
• i do 9-4 Monday - weds then 8.30pm to 10.30pm to make up hours
• i do 830 to 5.30 Thursday and friday then a bit more after dd bedtime.
• DH and i share drop offs and pick ups
• dh and i share house work and really only do the minimum

I travel for work about once a month for 2-3 nights. This requires a babysitter to cover my share of child logistics.

I let go of guilt by reminding myself we're here for a blink of an eye then it's over - might as well enjoy it. If i had to commute i wouod probably reconsider. Id like to get more wrap around care but DH isn't keen. He wants us to do as many pick ups and drop off as possible and spend 7- 9am and 4 15 to 8.15pm with dd because we can.

But when he's 'on' with dd i often get dragged into it. I am trying to cut down on that but its hard as i am 'here' in my home office.

DS is 4. I work full time, my job is shift based so I work all hours and days. In some ways the shifts make it easier than I think 9-5 would be as I get to spend some of my day with DS, but I understand where you're coming from. The key is to keep things simple when you're working and maximise family time when you're not. Don't rush around before/after work cleaning, shopping, organising etc. You and your partner need to work as a team to keep your lives running smoothly so you can enjoy the time you do have to spend together. As for your feelings of guilt, it's normal to feel like that but don't beat yourself up, you're working to provide for your family, so please cut yourself some slack.
However, if it really isn't working for you, could you try to find another job with less hours that allows you to live the life you want to and be happier?

Hi op. I work full time and have 3 dc aged 13,12 and 6. it's really hard work esp with all the clubs and my sons play allot of football too.

To make matters worse I've just started a new role at work which is super busy and eats into weekends and evenings too. And we're in the process of buying a new house fingers crossed.

Dh and I work from home 2 days per week each. He does as much cooking and cleaning as I do but admin and shopping falls more to me. I use every spare minute, esp on the train to work sorting things out. If homework is set I do it as early as possible so it's not forgotten or late and same applies to work tasks and admin too. Recently I was stuck in a bad insurance renewal deal because I put off sorting it then forgot.

I'm really exhausted and hope to start a slower pace job soon but I'm not guilt ridden at all. I work to provide my kids with whatever I can. Teenagers are expensive especially with the amount of sport mine play. They want their own bedrooms so I Need to earn money to get the necessary mortgage. Either I or dh or Nanny is home each day. Could you explore the possibility of wfh op?

Hi OP both my husband & I work FT. My job allows weekend working so I work 3/4 Saturdays meaning DH and I only get a full weekend together every 4 weeks. We do this to reduce our nursery bill as this means DS is off with me most Mondays instead of being in nursery.

My PIL also take him one day every week. I returned to work when he was 7 months. Work for a good massive company as a manger so I’m fully aware of flexible working policies etc but I didn’t apply for PT as we decided we couldn’t afford for either of us to not be FT.

I did feel guilt and worry going back to work, I was worried I would miss out on “firsts” and that I would lose the bond I had built with him. However I fully trust the nursery staff and it’s been amazing for his development and luckily he seems to wait for his firsts at home! I think the timing of me going back was good as he was starting to show signs of separation anxiety and I think it would have been harder to go back when he’s older.

I love my job which helps but I am suffering from PND and anxiety though this has only came about months after my return so don’t be worried at me saying that.

Best of luck

My job can be really intensive but I most definitely find doing FT easier than working 3 or 4 days. Working PT I found I was trying to fit an entire week's work into a fraction of the time, feeling really stressed and spending my days 'off' sneaking onto my emails. Hopefully working FT will mean that you can really relax and enjoy the time you do have with your DS. My DH now does the 4-day week instead.

Hi, I'm full time with a 2 and a 4 year old and have returned to work full time after both maternity leaves. Some tips:

• get childcare that you feel v comfortable with - we used a childminder when they were small and it really helped me to know that both were being well cared for. A different option may work for you, but you need to be 100% comfortable.
• me and my partner have agreed to to only take jobs with short commutes - under 30 minutes so we can alternate pick up and drop offs - he does the school run in the morning whilst I start earlier and leave earlier so I can do pick ups friom after-school club and the childminders
• work from home for at least one day a week if you can. You can do washing and sort out any domestic issues i.e. Workmen etc
• outsource some tasks if you can afford it so we have a weekly cleaner and a fortnightly gardener who cuts the lawns and hedges for a modest price.
• keep everything easy and cut down admin - We pay all bills byDD and have a recurring weekly online shopping order that I edit each week. We have a shared shopping list online which we both add to as things run out.
• lower your standards - so I don't cook from scratch after work - I use quick ingredients like ready cooked rice and frozen mash for example or add some extra veg to pasta sauce. I make more effort at weekends. We clean up spills and messes but don't do much cleaning in between the cleaners visits.
• get a tumble dryer and a dishwasher if you have space.
• look after yourself - prioritise getting as much sleep as you can

It's normal to feel tired and guilty but you must think of the long term and whether staying in work is best for you. Could you get another job which would be slightly less days/more flexible? Mine are getting bigger now, and it is gradually getting easier.

I work full time and I've got a 17 month old and a 13yo ss. Dp works full time too.

I think the biggest thing is finding the right childcare. I trust every member of staff at our nursery implicitly. It is clear they adore ds and care for him well and in turn he loves them all and enjoys his time there. He loves spending time with other children as well.

It just works better for us and though I miss him during the week weekends are better because it's quality time not just another day.

Thank you all, it's really nice to know that I'm not alone. Plus some good ideas there, especially suggesting to my manager about working from home.

We are lucky that we have an amazing childminder with only two other children and our little one seems to love it there. It doesn't stop the eternal guilt though! Thanks all 😀