Views please - Working long hours 4 days a week or 'normal' hours 5 days a week - which is best for my dd's (and me)?

[hotmama]

Went back to work in Jan after being on maternity leave after dd2. My dd's are nearly 2 and a half and just turned one.

Have officially gone back full-time but have loads of holiday to use up so am currently using 2 days a week as holiday and therefore am working 3. Although, last week I worked full-time as I was really busy at work (did 4 days a week for the previous 2 weeks).

After Easter, I am going to try to do all my hours in 4 days and any time I need to make up I can do in the evenings when the dd's are in bed (and dp will probably be at work) may do 4 hours max at home a week. If this works I will apply to make this permanent under flexible working.

However, this means I will be picking the dd's from Nursery really late and probably will be up for a hour before they go to bed - but I will have all Friday with them - plus the weekends.

Or I could work full-time doing "normal" hours which means I would pick the dd's up earlier and have more time with them before I go to bed but wouldn't have an extra whole day with them.

In your opinion, which do you think is best - does a whole day with them compensate with seeing them very little on the other days?

I am very happy with the Nursery that the dd's attend - and they seem very happy and content.

I really like my job and for me working means I am a better mother - but it's all about compromise - I do want to spend "enough" time with my dd's.

Feel a bit uneasy about this - so would be grateful for your views - either way!

Part of me thinks bugger it, they are only small and only do 3 days a week permanently!

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I would go for the 4 long days I think. Then you can all chill a bit on the Friday, get dressed leisurely, instead of having to dash out the house early, and have a nice time together.

Your DDs will notice that full day with you much more than an extra couple of hours in the evening, when they are probably tired and hungry and irritable anyway. The Friday will be quality time.

Also wanted to add to this. I work three days a week and have four days off. The three days i do work is manic, as i drop my dd (9 months) off at 8 and then dont get to pick her up until 6.30, then she is shattered, and she goes to bed about half an hour later. It works well for us...

Hi - i went back to work for 3 days after having my second child and found that working full time on these days meant a really rushed bedtime and no routine. When my DS1 started school this year I spent so much time at work in tears over not spending enough time with them that i decided to reduce my hours to finish at 2.30 on the three days that I work. Even though this now means that I am on benefits and struggling to make ends meet, I really feel that because they are so young, they need me more than they need money. I am very lucky because I work for a good company and have been with the same company for 18 years so I know that when DS2 goes to school in 2 years time, I can increase my hours again and work every day until 2.30. Could you work every day but finish earlier instead of working 4 long days? As my mum says "you can never get these years back!". I am now really enjoying the evening routine. I pick DS1 up from school and DS2 up from Grandma/Nanny then we go home, cook tea, have a bath, have story time and they get to bed at a decent time every night. I have really noticed an improvement in behaviour and my DS1's reading skills are coming on a treat! Do whatever it takes to spend as much time with your children as possible even if it means making sacrifices. Hope this helps!

I've been pondering the same issue. I initally decided to have a Wednesday off to break up the week and work four long days. But I am worrying about the lack of quality time with my son on those days.

My latest thought is to work 2 long days, 8am until 6pm with half an hour for lunch, and then 8am until 2pm (no lunch) on the other 3 days. I think this might give a nice balance.

I haven't gone back to work yet so it may not work out. I do a Wednesday from home so that will help too.

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I have worked compressed hours over 4 days(0930 - 1830 3 days a week and 0930 - 2200 one day a week) ever since my first child was born 41/2 years ago and I would definitely recommend it! It is so nice to have 3 days with my children Fru / Sat / Sun - I drop them off at school / nursery in the morning and my husband picks them up. To be honest, I usually feel so tired when I get home from work that I don't really rate the couple of hours I would get before bed if I worked normal hours - an hour or so is enough quality time to bathe them and put them to bed wirh stories etc (and they are usually tired too and go to bed easily even if they have only seen me for 30 mins before bedtime). I would love to go part time but it isn't an option financially or professionaly but compressed hours is a definate 2nd best for me.

Agree with orinoco. If you can do it financially, go for the 'bugger it' option! The time between now and them being at school will just whizz, and you don't get to make this decision twice...........

failing that, I think I'd go for the 4 day option.

That way your dd's get 3 full days a week with you, and that's 3 days without the rush in the morning to get to nursery, and 3 days when they can have their own space with you; a better balance to the week I think. Also means you get one day a week when you could go to groups/activities with them which may not run on a weekend....

I do 3 long days, which I prefer as you can do more and have longer quality time with a whole day off. You don't have the dread of having to go into work every day either

The long days sound a bit exhausting. I would just do the normal 5 days and might be more straight forward to the daughters anyway and fit in with when they start school too. you might well also be regarded as more of a normal employee and it might have less adverse career effect too.,

I think I would agree Xenia if my baby was older, say 9 or so but during the working week I'll hardly see him at all. If I get home at around 6ish then I'll be able to bath, feed and read a bedtime story and that's it. Luckily my husband has far more flexible working hours so our son will have one parent with him. I'd just like to have more contact during the week.

I can't consider part time working. I've read many of your posts Xenia regarding careers and I agree with you. I've worked too hard to give up now!

It must depend on the child then. Getting all our lot to bed took ages often to 7 or 8 before all the stories etc were finished so even if I got home at 6.30 or even 7 I still felt there was quite a bit of time.

In fact one of our main complaints was our nanny was letting them sleep too much in the day so they wouldn't go off to sleep early enough at night - something quite hard to monitor so we always felt after work the main problem was they wouldn't go to sleep soon enough, not late enough. Then as they went to nursery school in the mornings the next problem was them having an afternoon sleep which went on too late so again they weren't tired at bed time. So I suppose people could use that - have the child up later at night (as many working parents do - although I liked to know it was a certain time and they were all quiet) and sleep more in the day when you're not there.

depends whether you can stick to only doing 4 days or would actually end up doing 5 through workload regardless. When I tried this I found that I still had same workload and therefore added projects would push into my Friday in the way they'd used to push into my Saturday if you see what I mean.

I used to work 4 long days (FT hours) pre-baby and it was always great to have the extra day off, i think having 1 extra day with your dd's will equate to more quality time than the extra hour at bedtime you would gain by working 5 normal days.

If you are even remotely able to afford/do the 3 day option then i would definitely reccommend it...i now work 3 days and it's fab. I feel i have a perfect mix of work/non work. It also means i can do most of the chores on a thurs/fri and so the weekends are free for nice stuff with DH and DS.

Also tis always nice to meet friends or do some shopping on those days too at a more leisurely pace.

Definitely agree that working 4 days would be better (IMO) as you would get more quality time with your DD's.

Also agree that working 3 days is fab (as I do) as you get more time with your LO's than at work and I have to say that when I get up on Wednesday mornings, I know it isn't long at all until Friday evening and my weeks work will be done for that week

I work (supposedly) 24 hrs over 3 days. It's more like 30 or 33 hours in 3 days which is exhausting esp if DS is poorly and then days and nights blurr into one.
I love my work - yes it makes me feel like part of the old me still exists. The flip side is knowing that DS is growing up so fast and those baby days are flying by. I haven't yet missed a bedtime. Although I feel like I am working far harder part time than I ever did full time - there was the 'luxury' of doing something tomorrow or the day after - which doesn't exist now!
If I had the option: I'd go for the 'bugger it' and have a happy, fulfilled motherhood. There will be plenty of time later for full time work when they are older!

When I went back to work after maternity leave after ds2 I wanted to reduce my hours to only do 3 full days, the compromise with my employers was that I would do 2 full days and two afternoons - so still three full days in total. This works well as 2 days a week I still get to do playschool drop off and pick up which I really like. Then just before Christmas I got to work just the 3 full days I had always wanted for a couple of weeks. I hated it! I might have had 2 full days at home but I also had these 3 solid days where I felt I didn't see my boys at all.

Think about what you want to do with your dd's in your together. Is it reading books, colouring, playing etc which could be done in the after-work before bed slot or is it something that requires more time like days out visiting friends.

Wow - thanks for all of your posts! I'm used to starting a message and getting 3 posts if I'm lucky - so this must be a subject matter close to our hearts.

Myself and dp have good careers, and I'm luckily in the position that I could stay at home if I wanted to - I am the one that has chosen to go back to work. I know many would see me as incredibly selfish - but as I said I am a better mother by working.

In terms of career progression, I am in a position that I don't want to rise any further (I'm nearly 40 so have already done the career progression IYSWIM).

I'm just so full of conflict in terms of what I want to do. I just can't see how jobshare would work. For example, when I was going on maternity leave no-one as an individual would do my job - but 3 agreed to do it between them - so I can't see anyone wanting to do it for say 2 or 3 days a week - which doesn't help me does it!

Also, I am considering having a 3rd lo next year - and would then definitely work part-time until they were at school - or have a career break which I can do for up to 5 years.

I think the compressed week is winning at the moment. As a previous poster said I may be knackered at the end of the day anyway and having a whole day with the lo's may be better.

Any other views are really welcome and are helpful.

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