Two faced colleague

[LimeySnickett]

I work with a woman who is friendly to me but then makes snide comments which I'm ignoring (because she is close buddies with the boss)... but I would like to know how to handle her better. She made a particular comment today which I'm sure was about me - not directly to me, but in my vicinity. I'm not imagining it. I'm taking the 'keep your enemies' closer tack but I find her contemptuous. She's lazy, vindictive and arrogant. If she weren't friends with the boss she would be drowning. What do I do.

Keep on ignoring her. Keep a diary. Challenge her on particularly catty comments - Ask her what she means by certain comments. It sounds like she is insecure and you're a threat to her. Smile and nod, smile and nod. Don't let her get to you.

If she makes snide comments about people to you, expect her to do the same about you to others. It's not personal - you could be the most perfect human on earth and people stuck in 'bitch mode' will just bitch about you being too perfect. Be friendly but keep your own counsel around her. Have the attitude that being friendly to her is just another part of the job. There are loads of people like this out there and I manage it by experimenting different techniques on them till I find ones that work - really helps me hone my skills so I'm better at handling similar situations in future. I hope others will share their tricks!

The snide comments are about me - but she also makes friendly overtures towards me - she's twisted. She advertises her friendship with the boss very openly too. She knows she has a 'protected' status. The comment today was implying I behaved unprofessionally in a situation - and I'm certain of what she meant, but I wouldn't raise it with her because (a) I wasn't party to the conversation - though she broadcast it on leaving someones office & (b) it would only look like she was right, IYSWIM.

She isn't getting under my skin, honestly, but I'd like to get her, I'd like to get her good.

She isn't getting under my skin, honestly, but I'd like to get her, I'd like to get her good.

Honestly, don't over- invest. Distance yourself now, while you still can. Otherwise you will get caught in a negative vortex where even when she is OK (nobody is bad all the time!), you'll be trying to think of a way of making her not OK.

Just think that, outside work, she's absolutely nothing to you, she has no implication on your life, and it's only during 9-5 that she momentarily comes into your life. Try to keep it that way!

You're right daisychain, frankly I'm powerless anyway. I know I'm not the only one who detests her... we're all stuck with her. Guess I will continue to smile and be light and friendly regardless of how much of a loathsome bitch she is.

Sometimes being kind, respectful even, can have quite an effect. It's bloody hard because it feels like you are making all the effort and they're carrying on being a cow/arse. But think of it this way, you can walk around your office without any risk of being hauled in front of HR for poor behaviour.

They, on the other hand, may be an arse once too often to someone who decides they aren't putting up with it and takes matters further. Unfortunately that is another vortex you won't want, it can suck out the life and energy from you. Just carry on being awesome

Ok, new mantra - avoid the vortex and smile. xxx

I think the thing to remember is that she almost certainly wants you to get cross, be annoyed, even pick a fight. So by appearing to be completely oblivious to her antics you (a) retain the moral high ground and (b) bug the crap out of her. Win win!