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Original poster

Finally offered a new job but why don't I feel happy?

31 replies

alazuli · 08/12/2016 06:42

I've been desperate to leave my company for years. I've finally been offered a new job after countless interviews but instead of feeling elated, I feel like it's not quite what I'm looking for.

I was in the running for another job which would have been my dream job. After hearing about this offer I chased them up only to find out they'd given it to someone else. I was crushed.

This is the first job I've been offered in years. I should take it right? In my industry the jobs in exactly the field I want to do come up rarely so I could be waiting years if I pass this up.

Also just for background my mum died recently. They say you shouldn't make any big life decisions within the first year. I've already moved house (and hated it). This'll be another huge change.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 08/12/2016 08:28

It has been a tough time for you, so getting this new job isn't going to wipe away the sadness you feel about the loss of your DM (sorry for your loss)

Take on the job as a new start away from the company you've been wanting to leave. It isn't the 'answer to all problems', it's a job though. Well done getting it.

SheldonsSpot · 08/12/2016 08:31

Take the job.

Wanting to leave your current company isn't a big life decision you've made in the spur of the moment, you say you've wanted to leave for years.

Original poster
alazuli · 20/12/2016 12:01

I've accepted and am now getting cold feet. Help! I think lifestyle wise the new job is much much better for me (no commuting, regular hours instead of now working evenings and weekends) but it means giving up a big part of the job I really love doing. It's more money too and I've just been passed up for a promotion at my current place but I'm just so sad about giving up this one thing!

OP posts:
KatsutheChristmasOctopus · 20/12/2016 12:06

If you've been at your current company for years, then you are probably (understandably) just having a wobble at the thought of starting again somewhere new. Don't underestimate the value of having more time - I am in a newish job which on paper is much less rewarding than my old one, but I finish at 3 each day and the extra time I get with my son massively outweighs the disadvantages.

Have you had counselling to help you with the loss of your mum? Maybe that would help as well with the job but in general as well such as with your feeling about your new house.

Original poster
alazuli · 20/12/2016 12:29

I did start counselling but then I couldn't fit it in with my insane work hours so had to drop it. Will hopefully be restarting it once I'm settled into the new job.

I guess I just feel with this job it's not really bringing me closer to what I really want to be doing (because I have to give up the part I love). I feel like with the house and this new job, I'm settling big time and taking them because I'm worried there's nothing better out there. The job situation is slightly different because I have been looking for years.

I'm thinking I might still keep an eye out for jobs closer to what I want to be doing - would that be crazy to keep on applying?

OP posts:
manandbeast · 20/12/2016 12:32

It sounds to me like you are pretty clear this job isn't right and looking for validation. I do the same!

Go with your gut Flowers

Original poster
alazuli · 20/12/2016 12:46

manandbeast - yes, this is what I do all the time! My gut says it's not the right job for me but it's also saying I need to get out of the insane working hours at my current job. So as usual I'm conflicted. But I've already quit so I'm going to have to leave!

OP posts:
manandbeast · 20/12/2016 13:10

I guess I've had a few experiences lately where I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. If I'm honest I knew what I was doing wasn't quite right ... but you've quit already so try it!

May I ask what line of work you are in?

Thanks'

SallyInSweden · 20/12/2016 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babyroobs · 20/12/2016 13:45

I can't tell you what to do but am in exactly the same situation myself. I have been wanting to leave my current job for a while ( very stresful and shift work). Applied on the spur of the moment for a job in a completely different area not really expecting to get it but was offerred it and accepted job offer. Then started to have reservations as the new job is less pay. feel I have really messed my current boss around saying I was leaving and then saying I was staying. Now trying to consider whether I can reduce my hours in my current job and do both !!
Good luck in whatever decision you make.

Lonoxo · 20/12/2016 14:52

Sorry to hear about you mum.

If you don't like your current job, that's not going to change. This new job might not be your ideal job but a change could do you good and another company on your CV won't do it any harm. You can keep on searching for your dream job even if you start this new job.

Original poster
alazuli · 20/12/2016 17:03

Baby - you are me! I've started to wonder about retracting my resignation but I'm not sure I could do it.

At least the new job is better paid. In fact there are so many positives but it's just hard to give this one thing up.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 20/12/2016 17:13

Congratulations on your job offer!

I felt very similar when I didn't get a job I really wanted and then soon after I was offered a job that was ok but not amazing. It was a big anti-climax because I'd been unemployed and depressed about it for a long time, and I thought I'd be so happy to get a new job, but I wasn't. Anyway, I took the job and I'm glad I did. It's not a forever job but I've been happier since I took it.

My advice to you is to accept this job but keep looking for other opportunities. Maybe this job will take you one step closer to getting your dream job next time. And don't underestimate the importance of work-life balance. If the new job has more regular hours and better pay it will no doubt improve your well being.

Sorry for your loss btw, I do hope that taking the new job will allow you to resume counselling asap Flowers

Original poster
alazuli · 21/12/2016 12:04

Thanks, Emma. Glad it worked out for you. That's how I felt too that it was a massive anti-climax after being rejected for my dream job.

I'm leaving more out of desperation to get away from the crazy work hours and having my life ruled by a rota than anything else. My cold feet are getting worse... I will definitely keep looking!

OP posts:
Original poster
alazuli · 21/12/2016 13:27

OK, I'm seriously thinking of turning down this job offer I've already accepted. I'm really not sure I can give up this 1 part of the job I love. Am I crazy? I think I know the answer to that... Argh.

OP posts:
Original poster
alazuli · 21/12/2016 13:38

Also the 1 part of the job that I love doing is the reason I got into my industry in the first place.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 21/12/2016 13:45

Does the part of the job you love make up for the crazy hours?

Would you be more or less miserable doing normal hours without the part you love?

That's the decision you need to make.

NameChange30 · 21/12/2016 13:46

Also what % of the hours in your current job are spent doing the part you love?

Original poster
alazuli · 22/12/2016 00:59

I'd say the bit I love makes up 20%. The thing is if I leave, I would just try to get another job doing the same thing but somewhere else. Argh, so torn.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 22/12/2016 09:43

It depends how much you must have a job immediately and esp the bit you like, as to whether you go ahead and start the new position. Or leave without a new job to go to

If it were me I'd try to get over the lost bit and at least give it a fair crack at the new job

The alternative is to decline and have to keep looking. The risk of finding your favorite bit depends on whether it was specific to the company you are leaving. IOW you could have a long search!

NameChange30 · 22/12/2016 09:57

For me, 20% wouldn't be enough to make up for all the hours, but it's a personal decision and obviously your choice.

When does the new employer want you to start?

Original poster
alazuli · 22/12/2016 11:23

In a couple of weeks, Emma. So if I decided to stay and wanted to retract my resignation and see if my company now would accept I'd have to do it asap. This is so not how I imagined leaving. I thought I'd be eager to quit in a blaze of glory and be out of the door straightaway.

Daisy - the bit I love is not specific at all to where I work. I could do it at many other places. The problem is it's very competitive and everyone else wants to do it. I've been up for jobs specialising in that area and it always goes to someone with more experience than me.

I don't need to have a new job right now but saying that the rota is changing next month and the hours will be even crazier. They're already making me work Xmas Day - my first Xmas without me mum. :( But in my job now it would be easier to find a new job as I can fit interviews around my weird hours whereas with the new job it's regular hours so I'd have to invent excuses.

OP posts:
cheminotte · 22/12/2016 11:32

I think it's normal to worry about the new job. Any change is difficult even positive ones. I would take the job and give it a year.

Original poster
alazuli · 22/12/2016 11:51

cheminotte - I know and I seem to have become the kind of person who hates change.

It's ridiculous really. Prior to the job offer I was waking up everyday so depressed that I was essentially repeating the same day over and over again and even thinking about ditching it all to go on a round the world trip - that's how badly I wanted to leave my job!

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 22/12/2016 12:04

Tbh, you sound a bit depressed, and nothing feels positive or exciting when you're depressed. It's also really hard to make decisions.

FWIW I think you made the decision when you accepted the new job and handed in your notice. You won't know if it was the right decision until you start the new job and see how you feel. It's a risk, and it's scary, but it's the only way you can move forward IMO.