Side-lined by team members and Line Manager

[Isabelle112]

Work in a team of 3. The other two are very pally with each other - they're not nasty to me but I am very much excluded from coffees/socialising/pretty much everthing that's not core work. OK - I can get it - they are younger than me, don't have family responsibilities - our lives are different. But, still, it can feel dam lonely in that office.

Line Manager doesn't help - the other day, came into our office, talked directly to the other two, excluding me completely. She wouldn't allow me a precious day's leave a couple of months ago because of an all department staff meeting - after a busy Summer - but would allow another team member the same day off. It's little things, it's big things - but they add up and it hurts.

Now, do I speak to someone in this fairly gossipy place - do I put up and shut up and look elsewhere for a job that recognises that I have talents - even that I exist?

People have such a power to effect how we feel about our jobs, don't they?

Yes, Isabelle, work is so tied up with the people and relationships, I often feel if you can get that but right, the rest is plain sailing!

Cliques, urgh! They are a nightmare but part and parcel of teams. Bosses will have their favourites. They will play into the in-group if it increases the team performance and productivity.

I'm not suggesting you try to go out clubbing with your colleagues, but could you initiate something like a lunch together, use an excuse eg birthday or similar to bring in some home made cake and offer it round. It won't totally resolve the situation, but subliminal messages like "I'd like to be part of the team" can make a difference.

It is really hard to break down invisible barriers but small things can build a bigger picture.

If you have a 1x1 meeting with your manager could you suggest she sponsors a team event, nothing expensive, maybe a meal or trip to the cinema as Christmas is approaching. There's bound to be some common ground and it should be incumbent on your manager to become inclusive.

Very many thanks, daisy, for encouraging words and good advice.

I can't stand cliques of any kind, anywhere and here I am, working alongside one every day. The whispering ,the planning, the constantly going off for coffee, working on projects together - rarely am I included.

And the manager isn't pleasant - she's cold but the good news is that she's relinquishing her position soon - she'll stay in the department but she won't be managing us. That'll fall to someone new who hopefully won't have such pre-conceived ideas about what we're worth etc to the department.

Christmas is coming - I'm going to suggest a team dinner for a start. And start forging links with other people in the department. I work in a fairly junion position but there may be possibilities.

Again, thanks - your post has really helped.

Glad to have helped.

Definitely increase your circle of contacts, it's a very powerful way of showing people you are able to build your own relationships and aren't reliant on them!

I wouldn't bother suggesting a team dinner.

I would just be cool and professional with the unfriendly pair and hang in there for your new manager.