"it is unacceptable for men or women to call in because a child is sick in my view."

[hunkermunker]

Xenia says "it is unacceptable for men or women to call in because a child is sick in my view."

I am interested to know what other people do in this situation.

Just read the OP and my view is

Just read Hunker's second post. Can I ask exactly why Xenia has children???

No, I tend to use "mother" because I am one, and Xenia is one. I don't think fathers are or should be any different. I know dh loves our childern as much as I do and has an entirely different set of skills with them, as well as some of the same ones in just as good measure. In an ideal world both parents would be able to take equal resonsibility for things like parental leave, parents' evenings etc - I would very much like to see sicial changes which made this possible, although they won't happen overnight.

It was Xenia's post about neither parent taking a single day off to be with their sick child which provoked me on this thread. I certainly didn't intend to create a gender bias.

Sexism all the way with some people. Only mothers can really love children. Children only want mothers when ill. Mothres superior to fathers. The negative impcat on your role as father in having a penis etc. I am a Goddess because I stay home with babies etc sort of ideas. What I like is humility and a feeling we are all of us not perfect with children by any means whether we stay at home or work. That mother often doesn't know best and in fact often gets it wrong. I'm not even sure children should come before your partner.

As for me having it all and being fortunate I'm sure that can't be right. I'm the one without a man etc. It's having a close loving relationship with a partner which tends to make most people more fortunate.

I didn't think so.
Just checking really.
Not sure why but the word 'she' jumped out at me a bit.
I'm not usually oversensitive about these things.
What's got into me?

I'm not sure I could say who came first between dh and our children. We're a family, it's the same love really. I suppose if it was about survival it would be the children, for all sorts of basically natural and animal reasons.

My previous post was in response to becky's question, btw.

Nobody's being sexist Xenia. Not right now anyway...

All jesting and nudging aside....

I was in hospital for routine operations on several occasions as a child. My parents didnt spend all day in hospital with me except when I was in for one age 3. I can honestly say, without hesitation, it didnt make me feel neglected, unloved, unimportant or anything else. It hasnt affected me in later life.

I was far more affected by my mum insisting on cutting my hair short like my brothers because she thought it would grow through thicker....

If my child was in hospital I would be with her, I'd go through hell and high water to be with her. Stuff the consequenses of work - and if my work did not understand me needing to be with my child who was sick then they wouldn't be the type of employer I would want to have.

When I had my tonsiles out my dad was at home with my two sisters, my mum sat with me all evening til I fell asleep (the ops used to be done at night). She drove home, got all the way there, burst into tears and drove back. She couldnt see me, I was having the op and didn't come around / wake up til morning, but she sat in the hospital corridors all night.

That is the kind of mother I aspire to be.

And FWIW, I rarely take a sick day (two non pregnancy non child related days in my career, both times sent home sick ) so being "mollycoddled" by my mum had no effect on "being a sicknote"

Interesting about partners and children. I don't think I put one ahead of the other, or rather we all take priority at different times.

ELF - you are a lot younger than me and a lot younger than Xenia.

When I had my tonsils out at 7yo, parents were not allowed to stay at hospital with you. Visiting was between 3-4 and 6-7 each day. They were not there when you went down for the op or there when you came back.

My mum put a get well card under my pillow so that I had something to look at when I woke up.

In those days you were in hospital for 7 days and I think it was the most fun I ever had as a child!

There were several children there from the scottish highlands and islands whose parents were not with them at all - so they didn;t see them all the time they were in hospital. They left money for the tuck shop and so everyone was happy.

I remember being distraught when it was time to go home.

It was a little less nice for my younger sister who had an overnight stay in hospital aged 2, as I think she really did suffer from not having a parent with her - although I remember my father going to the hospital late in teh evening to drop off her teddy bear and sitting with her for a while.

I don't feel at all unloved because I spent time apart from my parent in hospital. Expectations were different then of course though.

I think parents make all kinds of assumptions as to what their children want - and sometimes we assume they want the things that we ourselves value. I'm sure when tehy are old enough to do so, they'll let us know what we did right and wrong - and you know - I bet for Xenia's DD hopsitals are never mentioned

Maybe we should all watch The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith
Very inspiring film about what a father will go through for a better life for his son.
Nowt to do with calling in sick at work, but DH & I watched it the other night, and he was talking about what he'd go through for our DD, so in my home, there is no difference between the sexes

Soapbox - I think I'm slightly older than Xenia's daughter? So I guess we'd be about the same age when I had my tonsils out?

Yes - but the point I was trying to make, is that hospital without one's parents can be a fabulous place - tonsilectomy and all

I wasn't sure whether i should post on this thread, but i have to say i am both amazed and appalled at some of the things which have been said on here.
I am a full time professional Nanny, and have been with my family for many many yrs. I have never been so shocked, to hear that a mother felt it unnecessary to support her child while they were ungoing surgery in hospital. If my employer dared do that, i would tell her exactly where her priorities should be! I don't care if she had a major meeting which meant her business would lose a million! If her children are ill, then they want her....and THAT is as it SHOULD be!

Sorry if this comes across as harsh!

waves at soapy

when my sister had an appendectomy aged 4 (I was 2) I remember the feeling of complete jealousy when I realised, upon visiting her, that she was being given GINGER ALE to drink and ORANGE SORBET to eat (because her throat was sore after the GA I guess).

GOD I wanted my appendix out, too.

apropos of nothing

I dont know, never had the experience! I had my tonsils out, then that was it for me for hospital trips until I had my own child
My cousin was in hospital with burns, there was always a family member there with her (she was four/five iirc)

Going back to the work issue - last week DH called in sick. DD had been up since twoish, sick all in her bed, sick a few hours later in our bed. We were up with her, comforting her, cleaning up the rooms (gross!) etc, so he called in sick at work, but due to lack of sleep it wouldnt be worth him doing his job (unsafe). I went to work, but skipped college that night so DH could catch up on sleep.

If it had been a different day / DH had managed to get some sleep then I'd have stayed off work to take care of her in the day, and then gone to college in the eve while he looked after dd.

In our house there is no difference between "mum" and "dad" - except for the breast milk!

I just don't think it's kind of like a core issue which distinguishes the good from the bad parent.

Absolutely soapbox.

I know when my DD was admitted to hospital I wouldnt have not been there. But, she was 1 years old, and I think its a little different when they are that much younger.

If it had not been possible for me to be there, DP would have stayed, which he did when she was back in a few weeks later.

However, the hospital half expects and encourages parents to stay with children of that age. (I suspect from their pov it saves on many various resources - we had to bring in her own milk for example....)

But I don't see why the nursing of the brow of a sick child at home or clearing of the sick where the child doesn't mind it has to be by mother or father when they have other loving adults in their lives too like friends, childminder, nanny etc who can also do those jobs and with common or garden sickness I'd rather be at my desk working than clearing it up and as that absence of me doesn't affect the children anyway and in 22 years I've done a fair bit of sick clearing up and nursing when ill obviously, I don't feel bad about saying that.

PPH - my elder sis was as green eyed as they came

Especially when everyone sent lots of presents for me

It was a bit thing going to hospital - they even did a collection amongst the secretaries where my father worked and bought me a pink frilly night dress with it - best nylon you could buy!

All the neighbours sent gifts, as did school (colouring book and pencils).

And my poor big sister got nuffink

oOPS - that should say 'it was a big thing...

Because when your grandmother is sick in hospital and the whole family is emotionally drained with constant hospital trips and worrying whether she'll die, where other family live a fair amount away, where the CM cannot take a sick child for the sake of the other children, where I dont earn enough money to have that special nanny, what else can one do but call in sick.

wtf am I expected to leave her instead, leave her in drawer somewhere to take her back up when I am ready / it is more convenient for me?