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Original poster

"it is unacceptable for men or women to call in because a child is sick in my view."

567 replies

hunkermunker · 15/01/2007 00:29

Xenia says "it is unacceptable for men or women to call in because a child is sick in my view."

I am interested to know what other people do in this situation.

OP posts:
chipkid · 16/01/2007 13:18

"caligula" even!

controlfreaky2 · 16/01/2007 13:19

x posts chipkid!
have we "spoken" before?
what sort of barrister are you?

Dinosaur · 16/01/2007 13:20

I'm hardly ever off sick. And DH has looked after the DSs for 7 years now, and has never been so ill that I've had to stay off work.

Caligula · 16/01/2007 13:23

Oh that's OK then. I'm OK to carry on with my murder plan then...

chipkid · 16/01/2007 13:24

Controlfreaky-I do family cases-mainly children. So for parents resolution of their case at the appointed hour is highly critical to them. What do you do?

puddle · 16/01/2007 13:26

My dp is a teacher so I tend to take time off rather than him. The consequences on him and his pupils and colleagues are dire if he is off sick.

I think you have to define ill too - I would move heaven and earth to be with my kids when they are really sick - but with a temp and a cold they would be happy with grandma.

controlfreaky2 · 16/01/2007 13:27

snap! mainly public law. in london. (but am on sabbatical at moment... hence many hours happy mning).

chipkid · 16/01/2007 13:29

mmmm-I work three days only (if I can) and dd is conveniently napping so that is why I am here!
should of course be preparing case for Wednesday-however!

controlfreaky2 · 16/01/2007 13:32

really not missing all that prepping! are you in london... may we [gasp] know each other? feel free not to answer [gein]

controlfreaky2 · 16/01/2007 13:32

, , obviously

chipkid · 16/01/2007 13:34

no-in the provences so donot think I would know you.
Why are you on sabbatical?

Judy1234 · 16/01/2007 13:35

Of course it depends on sick and numbers of children too. If you have 5 like me is there ever a time when one or other hasn't got something wrong and you can't be home all the time. If they were dying or seriously ill both parents would be there. If they have chicken pox and there's a nanny or grandparent etc then I don't want or need to be there.

As far as I remember (and she was 6 or so then and is 22 now so it's hard) I think my ex husband went in with her when she was admitted and we all visited that evening when she came round. She stayed in hospital (nice private room etc) on her own from bed time and was quite happy not to have a parent sleep there. Probably one of us went in first thing and her nanny was there during the day for some of the time although that was hard because of the 2 younger ones. When last year she couldn't speak after a head injury and she and I thought she would never be able to speak again I took her immediately to A&E. So it just depends on the illness but I don't think a child normally ill at home has to have a parent there. You also have the molly coddling issue and the benefits you do to the children by toughening them up and making them realise they aren't God's gift to the earth.

controlfreaky2 · 16/01/2007 13:37

ironically as a result of the sort of issues raised in this thread chipkid.... had it up to here (hand held way above head) with juggling job / children / life / etc. obviously should cultivate more ruthless cuthroat xenia style attitude and all would be well.....

chipkid · 16/01/2007 13:41

yes understand. My career has taken a back seat to everything else-my clerk is sick of me asking to be taken out of the diary because of things going on at home!
I regularly get to the point of thinking that I may as well stop for a while!

Anchovy · 16/01/2007 13:43

Interestingly, my mother was a WOHM and DH's mother was a SAHM. When I was ill as a child (mum was a teacher), it was an inconvenient palaver and we had to be practically dead before we were allowed a day off school. The idea of any type of "duvet day" or "just not feeling like going in" was inconceivable. Even now, I absolutely hate being ill, do it in a cross and solitary manner, don't want anyone around me and endeavour to get back to normal asap.

DH, on the other hand, would have a day off from school with his mother dancing attendance on him. When he is ill, he still likes a lot of attention. He sometimes calls me in and says with a weak smile "I think I could just about manage a scrambed egg/cup of tea/to watch Countdown". I get a lot of bulletins on his medical conditions.

Bugsy2 · 16/01/2007 13:45

Hilarious thread. What about single mums Xenia? How are they going to send the father in?
I dread my children being ill & thankfully they are hale & hearty souls who are rarely poorly (I am crossing fingers, toes, thanking stars, praying etc etc as I type this). To be honest, I would feel seriously aggrieved if my employer got the hump over the odd day off to care for my sick offspring. I would take the day as holiday if they were being arsey about it - or I would even lie & pretend I was sick if necessary.
Makes me feel sad to think that a parent looking after a sick child would be considered "molly-coddling". I can only presume that you are being provocative with that comment & the one about making a child think they are God's gift to the earth Xenia?

Judy1234 · 16/01/2007 13:48

Anchovy you prove my approach is right. Interesting seeing my daughters 22/20 working so hard, never taking time off if they feel a bit ill. We've imbided that ethos into them and I see that an achievement and not a failure. It also means they will do better in life and be better employees when the time comes.

I can tell (I've taken a 22 year course in it) who is properly ill and who is trying it on. I have xray eyes. Sent son into school last term with a rash on his neck/face. He was walking perfectly well, no temperature or anything. Keep your collar up I said..... anyway 5 minutes before I was to leave to catch a train to a meeting in Oxford (one of those vital I had to be there ones where 5 other people will be there, everything booked, venue etc ) the school calls. I say he'll have to stay at school. They say they'll get the nurse to look at him (and she confirms he's okay) so phew.. that's all right but I would have just refused to collect him in that case.

Judy1234 · 16/01/2007 13:50

Some children are fussed over far too much. (By the way I am a single parent and their father does nothing now we're divorced but that's a different issue). Anyway just depends on the sickness. I've never much enjoyed dealing with sick children to be honest and I've never felt they often needed or wanted me necessarily to be there rather than anyone else actually unless it's a serious thing.

Bugsy2 · 16/01/2007 14:01

Xenia, just because you are happy to send your child to school with a potentially contagious infection & the school are happy to keep him there, doesn't mean that it is right or that another parent would choose to do the same.
Also if your children are 22/20 etc, they hardly need picking up from school by their father!

jenwa · 16/01/2007 14:05

Bloody hell! Xenia, I think my child is gods gift and so do most people think that odf their own I'm sure. I do not molly cuddle her but if she was poorly and needed me I would be there for her. Children only want there parents there and I would feel happier being with her than at work worrying about her. Most people I know feel the same! If you are used to nannies then maybe you are happy to leave your child in their care but not me (this is no disrespect to nannies as I used to be one!) I just feel that my child is important and I would rather be with her if she was ill.

My parents and inlaws are around and would help if need be but if she was really sick I would be there and in hospital I would def be there for her.

I have recently read some very sad threads about loss of children and I would value my time with my child rather than be at work!

controlfreaky2 · 16/01/2007 14:06

your views really are jaw dropping xenia. do you really suppose most parents "enjoy" looking after sick children?? i have a "special" job and so does my dh. i don't have the views that you seem to think go with a "special" job (using your terminology).
or do you you just enjoy winding people up??

filthymindedvixen · 16/01/2007 14:11

Just as an aside - my old boss was a huntin', shootin' fishin' type, childless and likely to remain so.
In her book, it was more than acceptable to take a day off to look after a sick dog...woe betide you took a day off for, say, a heart attack or something but ''poorly hound? Take the rest of the week off...''

in fact I'm sure she thought I had puppies, not babies

filthymindedvixen · 16/01/2007 14:12

(twigg, I am reciting your wise advice to us earlier in this thread like a mantra...don't get drawn in..don't get drawn in...)

Caligula · 16/01/2007 14:22

I think it's terribly sad for a child not to believe that they're god's gift to their parents, at least. In fact, those children who grow up knowing they are god's gift to their parents are emotionally healthier than those who don't, aren't they? And I don't think they have any difficulty in understanding that they're not god's gift to the rest of the world.

(I use god in a very lose way, btw. It's the gift bit of the phrase that's important imo.)

TeeCee · 16/01/2007 14:23

I don't know Xenia and haven't had any run in's with her. All I know is that she shoots from the hip and sems to upset people etc. However I think this thread is horrible. It is not a thread to discuss your views on Xenias quote at all or Xenias name wouldn't have been mentioned. It's bullying and whether Xenia exists or not, is a nice person or not etc it's just a thread where everyone can puff up their chests and pick on someone, or something, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. If this was a thread intended to discuss the calling in sick situation no names or quotes would have been used.
Not nice imo.

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