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Original poster

"it is unacceptable for men or women to call in because a child is sick in my view."

567 replies

hunkermunker · 15/01/2007 00:29

Xenia says "it is unacceptable for men or women to call in because a child is sick in my view."

I am interested to know what other people do in this situation.

OP posts:
Soapbox · 16/01/2007 09:40

To answer the questions about Nicola Horlicks girl, the point is that even if the parent was a SAHM with a family of more than one child, you are not going to be able to be at the hospital every day, all day with a long term sick child.

You have to still have some time with your other children and someone still needs to be earning the family income.

In any event - her daughter died - and I think it is hugely disrespectful in those circumstances to call into question her care while she was ill!

Pitchounette · 16/01/2007 09:43

Message withdrawn

harpsichordcarrier · 16/01/2007 09:46

in which case the other parent can take some time off.
which is equally NOT ACCEPTABLE in Xenia's book. a man or a woman....
I must say Xenia I find your willingness/enthusiasm to prioritise money over human feelings to be rather chilling.
and, increasingly, rather dull.

Pitchounette · 16/01/2007 09:48

Message withdrawn

MrsJohnCusack · 16/01/2007 09:50

What about dogs though eh?

Soapbox · 16/01/2007 09:52

I actually find this fascinating

Xenia is doing no more than state the facts as they are for certain industries.

She has no more ability to influence them than anyone else posting on this thread! She is merely stating them as she sees them.

If you look at the thread that spawned this one - then there were no City law partners posting that she had got it wrong - that that wasn;t the way it worked.

Interestingly, Xenia has to a large extent mitigated this in her own life by starting her own legal practice and working from home, giving her much more flexibility than the collegues she left behind.

She's more honest and straight talking than most, I give you that - but as far as I can see she is just telling it as she sees it. Why is that so worthy of ridicule?

Pitchounette · 16/01/2007 09:53

Message withdrawn

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 16/01/2007 09:54

Soapy - I apologise - I didn't mean to be disrespectful or question her care of her child.

As far as being at the hospital with a sick child is concerned, I've done more of that than I'd like. My point is that if you can afford to pay someone then my preference would be to pay someone to be at home and be with the child yourself.

Judy1234 · 16/01/2007 09:54

Pit, I agree with that obviously. We all balance these things all the time. I've taken time off my better paying job because my then teacher husband despite the much lower pay didn't have the same flexibility if it was a day I didn't have that kind of immoveable thing on. I really don't think there's much disagreement on this thread.

Another interesting issue is large families. I have 5 children. We had someone on Saturday mornings to help because my husband was working and getting 5 children of different ages to all the things they wanted to do was very hard indeed with one person so the twins would often be home with the person who came in who they knew very well and do lovely things 2 year olds like to do rather than being strapped in car seats for 3 hours. When I had the first child 22 years ago I'd have thought - child care at weekends - how terrible but in practice it was the best decision and better for the twins too.

Caligula has raised the interesting moral issue. What do I think on that one? I think people have to decide what is right for their family. I think we have a duty to employers as well as our children actually even if we work in Macdonalds and to other colleagues who may have to cope without us and many people feel like that and stuggle in to work every day. Others think great a runny nose or my child has one we can watch day time TV all day, s od Macdonalds their profits are huge.

My point on income was just that some jobs you really do earn so very much you know the deal is you're always available and the money justifies that. When BA I think it was was changing women's hours so they couldn't just work during school hours women were saying right my momney is pin money, this family doesn't need it hugely in that case I'll stop work. BA hadn't understood the motivations behind why women were in those jobs. it was an HR mistake.

Tortington · 16/01/2007 09:55

i sometimes call in, however i often lie. Today i am lying. i have had a lot of time off sick, i have plausability issues calling in sick again!

my daughter is in sever pain with toothache, she has been to dentist, she has and abcess, she has antibiotics. she is in a lot of pain, and she is being sick. she is 13.

she will be left on her own this afternoon, so i can go into work from my fictonal morning meeting.

Pitchounette · 16/01/2007 09:55

Message withdrawn

Saturn74 · 16/01/2007 10:05

RE: "I think if it's always women who call in sick when their child is ill and not their husbands then they are damaging women and you might argue that's fairly morally disgusting as it engrains women as seen by employers as a problem and everyone then thinks men don't have time off".
But when my children are ill, they want me, because I am their mother. If they can't have me, then their father will do, but they prefer to have me. So frankly, I couldn't give a toss if the fact that I stay at home with my children when they're ill means that my employer thinks less of me, because I care more about the needs and opinions of my children than I do about the needs and opinions of my employer.
This attitude that showing maternal affection and wanting to spend time with your own children is somehow a sign of weakness is getting really boring now, frankly.

Soapbox · 16/01/2007 10:08

HC - that's all very good and well - but there are some women who mind terribly what their employers think, for without them they would have no roof over their head and no food on the table!

Working isn't a luxury for some - it is a necessity - and keeping that job is damned important to them.

I'm sure that they too would prefer to spend the day at home with a sick child - if they had the choice!

Pitchounette · 16/01/2007 10:15

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 16/01/2007 10:21

Any response yet Soapy?

I also know who Xenia is supposed to be - I wonder if she is!

fortyplus · 16/01/2007 10:21

'Interestingly, Xenia has to a large extent mitigated this in her own life by starting her own legal practice and working from home, giving her much more flexibility than the collegues she left behind.'

That's an interesting and well-made observation, Soapy!

Lots of people either moan or cheat their employeres. Very few seem to make sacrifices or changes in their own lives to improve the situation.

fortyplus · 16/01/2007 10:23

CountessDracula /Soapy - if I were Xenia I wouldn't respond, either. She has often said that she has no wish to identify herself... would you?

Saturn74 · 16/01/2007 10:24

Re : "HC - that's all very good and well - but there are some women who mind terribly what their employers think, for without them they would have no roof over their head and no food on the table!"
I do mind what my employer thinks about me, but if they thought less simply because I took a day off to look after my ill child/children, then that is their problem, not mine. Luckily I work for someone who understands that children are not robots, that family life is important, and that the company do not own my soul.

Re "Working isn't a luxury for some - it is a necessity - and keeping that job is damned important to them".
Working isn't a luxury to me either, it is a necessity. Of course I want to keep my job. Do I deserve to lose it if I take paid holiday in order to look after my ill child/children? Surely not!

Re "I'm sure that they too would prefer to spend the day at home with a sick child - if they had the choice!"
Balancing work and family is difficult. I never disputed that fact. Different people have different priorities, and therefore make different choices.

Soapbox · 16/01/2007 10:25

I agree 40+ - although I was working on the assumption that if it wasn't the 'real' one then they would definitely have been in touch with either me or MN by now!

fortyplus · 16/01/2007 10:30

Funnily enough, although I've vehemently disagreed with her on numerous occasions there's a lot I like about her - I prefer ballsy, outspoken people to apathetic wimps, any day!

Pitchounette · 16/01/2007 10:44

Message withdrawn

wheresthevalium · 16/01/2007 11:32

I have to say that given my previous employer's attitude towards having time off for sick etc children, I did start to lie that I was ill.

They were completely unsympathetic and actually dragged me into a disciplinary hearing as I had had 'too much time off'. It was 6 days in a month, bearing in mind that at the time I worked FT.

During that month, my younger daughter (3) had chicken pox, so 3 days off for that (my exDH helped too), we had a fire in our house so I needed a day off to sort a few things out, one of the days they talked about was a bank holiday, and finally, my exDH forgot to collect our 4 year old from school in the first week she was there at lunchtime, couldn't get hold of him, so had to leave immediately to collect her.

Having said that, my current employer is great, they allow me to work PT during school hours, and I wouldn't dream of lying to them, because I know that they wont hold it against me, rather they just wont pay me (which is fine)

Monkeytrousers · 16/01/2007 11:37

Well awful as it is is you don't have the money for nannies to do this work for you you deserve your children to die. It's a dog eat dog world and the economy is ALL that matters, don't you nutters understand that???

controlfreaky2 · 16/01/2007 11:48

soapy, where has xenia said that she started her own legal practice? where has she said she is a lawyer?? she has implied all sorts of things but not aware she has given any info about what she does.... she was asked by a number of people on other threads..... but she didnt reply. she did say at one point she was an unemployed trucker from jarrow.... but i THINK she was joking ...

CountessDracula · 16/01/2007 11:51

here

"I really love my work. I work for myself. I'm a lawyer"