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Original poster

does your DH work long hours??

78 replies

auntyquated · 11/01/2007 19:05

without the 'overtime' - just salaried so not entitled to overtime?

DH is bugging me as he never rings to give any indication of what time he will be leaving. we finish eating then usually one of the kids asks if we can ring him to find out how long he will be! tonight i am NOT ringing ... sometimes i do wonder if he would ever come home if we didn't ring and remind him of our exsistence...well tonight we will find out.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 11/01/2007 19:06

oh dear

is his the sort of job where he wouldn't know until the last minute that he could leave or is he taking the piss a bit?

Original poster
auntyquated · 11/01/2007 19:08

i think he can leave when he fancies - but there is always one 'thing' he wnats to finish.

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 11/01/2007 19:08

yep, my DH too - long hours and he's still at work, although he works for himself, so his hours can be any hours IYKWIM

WeaselMum · 11/01/2007 19:09

yes - my dp works long hours though has tried to get home earlier and work at home wherever poss since we had ds

but she always makes a point of ringing if she's not going to be home by a certain time - sometimes she can't get away from a meeting to let me know but she does as soon as physically possible

foxinsocks · 11/01/2007 19:10

could you get him to commit to coming home at a sensible time for say 2/3 days a week?

it must v annoying having to ring to find out what is going on

Original poster
auntyquated · 11/01/2007 19:11

yes he must still be there...then he has a 40 min drive back

every night he used to phone at 5.50 to say either that he was leaving or to say when he would be leaving, now he doesn't bother, so tonight i ma not bothering.

OP posts:
Original poster
auntyquated · 11/01/2007 19:13

our childern are older ...10 and 7 .... so we aren't really effected by his lateness but he is!! i don't think he should be doing such long hours, espec when there is no financail pay off

OP posts:
poppiesinaline · 11/01/2007 20:17

My DH works very long hours with no paid overtime. I have a 10 year old, 6 year old and 20 month old and feel exhausted being a 'single mum' from Monday - Friday.

He got home at midnight last night, 2 am the night before and these times are quite normal. If he is home on time its 7.30/8 pm and the kids are bathed and in bed by then anyway.

naughtymummy · 12/01/2007 05:45

I know how you feel, have posted about this before. I have a DS (3) and dd 3m. DH is leaving now and wont be back until 7/8pm. We have an arrangment to speak between 5 and 6pmso he gives a ETA. But even when he comes home on time i find it easier to bath them etc earler in the evening. Then we are not effected by the time he comes home. Having said that DS does want to se his daddy and trying to keep him up is v difficult

shouldbedoingthehousework · 12/01/2007 07:22

My dh works long hours (self employed) but thankfully is usually pretty local so doesn't have to leave too early in the morning - he's often here to help with getting the kids up and out to school. Evenings vary though and he's usually out till at least 10/11pm. If he's still local he sometimes calls back to the house at bedtime to help read a story (our lo's are 3 and 5) and then goes back to work. I complain about these hours to him but it sounds as though he's v good compared to others. I probably should appreciate what he does more ...

ivelostmyboobsboohoo · 12/01/2007 08:27

my dh started a new job in nov in the city where we live. before that he was 'commuting' 5o miles and was leaving house at 7am and getting home at 8pm, this new job was meant to mean he would spend more time at home (he told me people there only ever do 9-5) but has ended up him leaving for work at 7 in the morning (10 min walk to work) and getting back 9, 10 ish at night. he even goes in at weekends. its really pissing ,me off. he works about 60 hrs a week. we have 3 kids, age 8, 3 and 2. \it has put an enormous strain on our relationship. he thinks hes doing it for the right reasons, ie more money (doesnt get paid overtime but quite a well paid job so think he wants to show he's worth it). whereas i think its going to split us up. we are now going to Relate, i was planning on leaving him last nov, so things are improving and he is occasionally making more effort to come home before kids are in bed.
then of course though they start expecting it and 2yr dd wouldnt go to bed for me last night - she just wanted daddy which is bloody insulting when he's hardly ever here! grrrrrr

Judy1234 · 12/01/2007 09:04

The result of the inequity of one at home and other working. Perhaps a compromise where you both work the same but shorter hours might help or suggest he swaps and stays home and you work.

nogoes · 12/01/2007 09:08

My dh has a long journey not that far in terms of miles but because he has to travel on the M25 he has to leave home at 5am (alarm goes off at 4.30am) and is rarely home before 8.30pm and then I get annoyed with him because he falls asleep on the sofa as soon as dinner is over. I do feel sorry for him because he is permanently knackered.

admylin · 12/01/2007 09:15

My dh works long hours as a reasearch scientist so he gets a project and it is up to him to finish the job before a set date. He doesn't have to start early but once he has started he has to finish what he's doing so it can be 10pm or later when he gets home. I have to cook his food and keep it in the fridge as he never knows when he will be back.
Worst thing is he works weekends aswell which leaves us to occupy ourselves too. I just think he is ambitious and I am enabeling him to climb his career ladder as quickly as possible, so maybe that is what you could console yourself with, what is that saying, "Behind every great man there is a great woman.." or something like that?

Judy1234 · 12/01/2007 09:29

Do of any of you think you might as well be a single parent in that case?

Wheelybug · 12/01/2007 09:38

Another one here ! DH goes to work before dd (and me) is up and his 'normal' for getting home is between about 9 and 10 although it can be any time after that (or not at all).

Its not a case of if I went back to work dh would cut down his hours because this is unforetunately what his job demands/requires.

Most of the time he'll give me a sensible indication of when he might be in but it only takes a conference call which starts at 7 and goes on for hours and he won't be able to let me know.

Most of the time I am fairly accepting of it. I did a similar job beofre having dd so know what it is like/requires. He has also done it ever since I met him. However, I'm not always patient about it !

springer72 · 12/01/2007 09:50

I'm another one who feels like a single parent. Dh leaves at 6ish and is rarely back before 9/10. Sometimes he has to work through the night and often has to work one or more days at the weekend. It just goes with the job. He never sees DS in the week.

He tries to phone at 7 to let me know if he's likely to be home for dinner, but if he's in meetings or on conference calls he can't.

Having said that, he drives me nuts on the are occasions he does come home early. He doesn't know what to do with himself!

It is fine now, but in the first few weeks after having ds I found it really tough, and I wonder how I would cope if we managed to have any more.

CurlyN · 12/01/2007 10:12

Well in my mind you are single mums. Where has your life gone. My partner used to work long hours, He even admitted, he didn't want to come home to all the madness of 2 crazy testostrone boys, and a stressed out tired mum. Can't blame him. Anyway we decided that it would be best for all the family if he started working to live, he cut down on his hours, now works 08.00 and normally home by 17.00, we as a family, can take the dog for a walk, play football, generally mess about, and have fun! The price we paid, less income, and adjusted to it. Now we don't miss the money, we'd rather have a laugh, spending nothing.

CurlyN · 12/01/2007 10:14

Oh, and if he is going to be any later than 5pm he phones. This way i can know in advance if I can go to WW, or for a swim with the girls.

Judy1234 · 12/01/2007 11:18

It's exactly the same issue working mothers get criticised for really - putting money above family time and relationships with children. Criticism if you think it deserves criticism applies equally to men too.

poppiesinaline · 12/01/2007 11:36

I completely agree. I hate the fact that he works such long hours plus the fact that he doesnt actually get paid so financially it makes no difference to us if he comes home at 8 pm or 3 am!

Even if he did get paid for overtime, I would much rather quality home life with more fun and leisure time for each of us and as a family than extra money.

You only live life once after all.

CurlyN · 12/01/2007 11:38

Can't he look at changing his job or career so it fits in with life?

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 12/01/2007 11:52

Do any of your DPs/Hs work in the horseracing or betting industry? Just curious.

Both DH and myself work for same person (in said industry). I am supposed to work 8.30 - 12.30 Mon - Fri. However, get called into office at any time (Sun eves, Sat morning etc etc). He, on the other hand as a trainer works 7 days a week, no joke, hasn't worked fewer than 7 days a week since about July last year even then it was 6 days one week, 7 the next...
Normally starts work at 6.30am (in winter - earlier in summer), although it can be 4am if the day's runners need feeding before going to the races. Thanks to the floodlit racing at Wolverhampton and Kempton, can have runners all through the year now up to 9.30pm (which is commonplace in the summer as evening racing permissible by natural light at any course in the country) but now all through the winter too. So frequently puts in 18 hour days. We live on the yard, so I do see him quite alot, but he's always busy with work. We rarely (and BOY do I mean rarely) do anything as a family, and on the few occasions where he is home in the evening he is usually flaked out on the sofa before 9pm, which is understandable. He is doing all this for recognition, as his salary is not great and definitely no overtime. The week we came back from holiday (which he spent every day on the phone to work) he managed to put in 88 hours of actual working time. I hope one day it pays off for him, and the cost is not too dear on the family. Not only am I practically a single parent, but I appear to have 3 (not 2) dependants.

Can open, worms everywhere!

sykes · 12/01/2007 12:00

Slight thred hijack. Grumypyoldhorsewoman, I looked at the John Smith site re the peoples' race and plan to enter - you don't have any ideas re what they're looking for do you?

poppiesinaline · 12/01/2007 12:05

DH works in the design industry and loves what he does so I wouldnt expect him or even ask him to make a career change.

He does realise that he works too much and every now and then makes an effort to reduce his hours but he has a very demanding boss . He has been thinking about changing jobs but doesnt want to just 'get anything' and jobs in his field and at his level are hard to come by.

At least he doesnt work weekends. It could be alot worse.

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