Has anyone given up work to be SAHM and regretted it?

[Beccarollover]

I work part time at the moment and barely cover my childcare costs - would love to be at home.

Im considering giving it up when we have secured mortgage on new house but I have tiny bit of dread in case its the wrong move and I end up stuck at home and wanting to be at work!

Anyone with experience?

Yes, I left work and was sure that I would love being a SAHM. It didn't quite work out that way so I now work 3 days a week from home - ds is in nursery so I can actually get something done!
My pay just covers the nursery costs but for me it's worth it for the change and the break it gives me!
Do you enjoy your work? How do you find the days when you are at home?

Do you just want to hear from people who've regretted it?

When I was made redundant I spent 5 months being a SAHM. However I found I really didn't enjoy that much - although I loved being with my dd. I missed adult conversation and having time to myself. DD was the type of child who loved constant entertaining and I found it exhausting, and wanted something else. I ended up finding another job - but felt v guilty about leaving dd. I'm sure she loved me being a SAHM, but I needed to feel happy in myself too.

See how it goes beccarollover, and if it doesn't work out you could always look for another job.

message withdrawn

No, all perspectives welcome to give me a clearer picture.

I love my days off with the children and being at home. I feel sick the night before my 3 days starts but once Im actually at work I am ok - I hate hate hate the rushing around and guilt and illness from nursery

I gave up full-time job to be SAHM 7 yrs ago when ds1 was born, and haven't ever regretted it at all. We've since moved house and there are no jobs here, let alone publishing jobs, and it's proving tricky to find something new, (now that ds2 is at school). But I still don't regret the decision I made.

I stayed at home for the first 2 years as my job was too demanding and the communte was too long for me to be on time to nursery/work.

I thoroughly enjoyed the first 18 months but then I started gettinh itchy, I just couldn't sit around the house anymore.

I then went back part time, 2 days a week at first, to see how I'd cope and now I do 3. Which I think is the perfect balance for me.

My job also hardly covers the childcare costs but it's worth for my mental sanity.

Try ask yourself why do you work now? Is it for money, for the mental stimulation?

Can you not take a period of unpaid leave or a sabbatical to see how you would cope?

I gave up work to be a SAHM and I've never regretted it. Only when I've wanted to buy more shoes

I agree with Twiglett - plan your week. I try to do something different every day either in the morning or the afternoon. I have 4 fixed things in the week (mums & tots etc) and then the rest of the time to be at home or shopping etc. Time is really flying by atm.

This is my mum's favourite topic - she's always keen to point out that she was a professional woman who put it on hold for a few years to be with her family at home and she was "too intelligent to get bored." Needless to say she's never been the most tactful when it comes to putting her opinion across, but I think I get what she meant. (She did an OU degree while she was at home with me and my bruv.)

My job is now looking after ds and I have to confess I have probably turned him into a little project of my own. I just love filling his day up with exciting new things to do or see - even if it's just poking woodlice in the garden - it's great to see his responses to even the most mundane (in my eyes) things. Love it love it love it - and I would live in a shed if it meant I could get these first few years to spend with him (and whoever else might follow!)

i returned to work part-time after dd
did the same after ds but just hated the rushing around, waking them up on adrk mornings seemed nothing more than cruel. gave up completely when ds was 9 months and have had a few seconds of regret only but had i continued to work my regrets would have been FAR greater. the secret is, as someone has alraedy mentioned, build up your network of other SAHMs. i found it too much to do something everyday, we all needed days to veg out. a friend of mine does 'housework' swaps.....her friend has all the children whilst my friend has the morning to herself, the next day she has them, giving her friend time.
she doesn't always use this as 'me' time but time to do something that will make her feel happier, sometimes she goes to the hairdressers but othertimes she clears the ironing pile that has been getting her down. she says both make her feel happier in a different way.

sorry side-tracked a bit there

I became a SAHM after dd1 wasborn 3 years ago and still have mixed feelings. Personally I find that it can be very dull and frustrating being at home occasionally, but then I do think back to my job which I liked on the whole, and I had loads of boring times then! Yes, now I'm tied to what dd1 has to do/is like sometimes but I think my freedom is greater in a lot of other ways and I certainly can't imagine being hemmed into an office-type environment for 8/9 hours a day now. And when it's fun, it's brilliant, especially if you can establish a good network of adults to mix with as well as doing child-centric things.

Maybe try a pro and cons list for work (eg the commute, being able to take time off to look after your children, is it for mental stimulation etc etc) - even if the cons don't outnumber the pros, are they more intrusive on your life and making it more miserable. And as others have said, you can try being a SAHM but if you don't like it, you can then go back to work.

Gave up work when dd was born, she's 29 months now. The first year I found really hard but since then it's got better and better. I've made some new friends and met loads of excellent people.

I agree with the planning. I now have several friends who I see weekly, I never spend the whole day by myself as I just get lonely and bored. I usually while away the hours with friends, which is good for ds and dd as they get to play with other kids and good for me as I get some conversation.

I've also learnt the hard way to get out of the house; I go for walks, feed the ducks, visit the local shops.

I can't believe dd will start pre school in a few months and our time at home will start to finish. I would think it's a matter of personal taste as to whether it suits but could you try it and see and if it doesn't work out at least you won't regret not trying?

I gave up worj=k to be a SAHM when DD was born.

I have not regretted it. I do something with her every morning so I am not sitting around the house all day long feeling sorry for myself.

It also means that I can go up to Scotland to visit my parents for 10 days at a time every couple of months without worrying about too much. I just make sure that I have some ready meals in the freezer for DP.

Can I ask you keen SAHMs a question? I'm on maternity leave with dd3 and what really gets me about the SAH life is that you can't plan your day, it's dictated by rigid school hours. So, I have rush with new baby to get a slow-moving dd1 (aged 4) to school for 9ish. Then we have to go back for 3pm, spoiling any exciting afternoon possibilities. The days I have dd2 (age 2.8) at home too, it all takes lots longer as she walks even more slowly than dd1. School is only 10 mins walk but the round trip with toddlers and baby takes me an hour twice a day. I find it so tedious, what do you all do to not spend your whole time trekking to and fro at a very slow speed? what's the secret?

Fennel, my daughter's school is 7 miles away, so we spend half the day driving back and forth. No advice here!

Beccarollover, No I have never regretted it, but that doesn't mean I love every minute of it. Most days I'm counting the hours till bedtime, just like when I was working I was counting the hours till quitting time, and I loved my job.

I had a really hard time at first, because, frankly, the baby wasn't that exciting. We had also moved 300 miles to be in a situation where I could be a SAHM, and I didn't know anyone except my husbands family. I realized I could sit around and feel sorry for myself, or do something about it. I found a music class to enroll DS and I in, and that helped right away. I managed to track down a playgroup that had babies all his age in, and that was about the best thing I could have done. Now I have people I know, and friends I can go out with and swap childcare with when the in-laws are out of town. My husband's step-mom suggested yesterday that she would watch the baby on a regular day so I could take a class at the community college here, and I think that is a great idea.
It also helped to realize that the only person who looked down on me for being a SAHM was me. There was a great article in Time magazine awhile ago that said there is a trend in the US back toward being a SAHM, and that well-educated professional women are the ones who are leading the way. That article was wonderful for me to read.
We got a little red wagon with a flip-up seat and seatbelts and regularly go to the park and hiking on easy trails now.
Although I get bored and feel guilty about not making any money, if I look at it realistically, as much as I loved my job, I was never this happy in it, and if I was working, I would basically be doing it to pay childcare.
Instead of always cleaning or something like that, I always use one of his naps to learn about something fun to me, like getting a library book on a subject that appeals to me, or learning how to do some home project that I never would have had the time to do before now. There is a lot I would have missed out on with the baby, had I given up and gone back to work.

Bump.
still would like advice on how to manage an interesting day in between the constraints of the school crawl.

Fennel ... my DS is not at school yet but I am dreading it in a way because of what you say about the afternoons.
I think the key is to 'Do' stuff in the morning with the younger children and then dedicate the afternoons to the 'crawl' to school ...

Beccarollover ... I gave up a 3 day a week teaching job when DS was 2 to become a SAHM (had to move to NZ to be able to afford it) ... and although I don't regret it at all, I do understand your worries.
It can be lonely being a SAHM, but it is up to you to get out there and meet people ... join coffee groups, mother and toddler music groups (Jo Jingles is fantastic), swimming lessons.
The key is to do something every day. When DS was still having a nap during the day I divided the day into 2 and we either did something in the morning OR in the afternoon and spent the other half at home.
I am back to being at home more now with DD (nearly 4 months) but I am not obsessed with routine with her like I was with DS so she gets carted all over the place.
DS is fast approaching school age (he will start in January '05) and I can't get over how quickly the time has gone. It will go even quicker for DD I think so I am glad that I have had the opportunity to be at home.
The great thing is that I have also had the opportunity to start a business from home, which I would never have been able to do had I still been working!

As an older first time mum at 34 my DH and I both were happy for me to become a SAHM. I had been in the same industry since 16 and look at it as just a change of career for a while. At some point I am sure I will be able to either go back to my old industry if need be but I'd rather do a job that was more rewarding. Perhaps I'd have a different perspective if I had loved my job.

Sometimes I do find it boring but don't regret giving my job up. One occasion brought it home to me how good it was - it was one Sunday and the weather was lovely. We didn't do very much that day (can't remember why) but I was content with the fact that there was always tomorrow. Now if I had been working I would have felt obliged to cram in as much as possible in that one day before the opportunity was lost. We would have gotten back late from somewhere with the usual pile of dirty clothes and in a mad rush to sort it all out by the morning. But hey we could leave the pile, DH went off to work the next day, I could take my time tidying it all up. That may sound trivial but the constant rush which seems par for the course with WMs is too much of a down side.

I try to do creative things or productive things just so I feel useful other than just being a Mum. DD is only 9 months but I am so looking forward to when she is toddling and talking so that we can share exciting adventures properly.

I agree with Monkeygirl - weigh up the pros and cons. It may suit some but not others. It's not the end of the world if you give it a go and it doesn't suit, just try another job.

The only real negative thing is sometimes feeling restricted but that is an issue between me and DH because he has been working away for a wee while recently.

Hi Ladies, I too am giving up work, just to be able to run my dd backwards and forwards on the school run, I have applied for part time hours but they have been refused on the grounds that my position is a full time job (which is very true). My dd is starting reception class in September and my husband said quite matter of factly, well its not a problem, just hand in your notice, it will be tough financially for a couple of months, (were paying off a credit card bill), but after that, who knows. I'm very lucky my dh earns about 38k per annum and I only earned 15k. I want to spend more time with my daughter and weekends for each other, instead of housework, shopping, I am also ttc # 2, so I won't have to worry anymore about dh white shirts and stuff like that. AM I MAD , mad but I think v happy!

No regrets. DS is 16mo now and I am thinking about going back to work part time in a few months time maybe - but not to any high powered position - my ambition to influence senior executives seems to have leaked out in my breastmilk. I just want to do something satisfying but not emotionally demanding and stressful.

you have to be quite business like about how you order your day and so on - its not liek a dreamy drift from play doh ( shudder) to play group

Oha nd totally agree with ghosty aout routine and so on

a nd you have to clean!

I gave up a f/t high pressured job in London to be a SAHM (we also like Ghosty moved to NZ so it became affordable). It wasn't for me and it wasn't for DS either. I missed interaction with adults and a sense of ME. HE missed nursery, having friends and doing his own thing (he is now 4). At the moment I compromise and work 9.30-2.30 while he is a nursery and it is my 'sanity break'. It also pays for life's luxuries (or should that read My luxuries!!!). Anyway am now 32 weeks pregnant again and am not planning on going back after have had baby and giving it another shot. If you have the choice give it a go, make an effort like everybody ahs said to get out there and meet people, join groups, make new friends etc but if all else fails you can always get another job.
Good luck

I gave up quite a well-paid job to bring up ds for 4 1/2 years, went back part-time when I had dd 18 months later and finally went back day time not evening time hours when dd was 4, so I guess spent nearly 7 years at home in the day time. I am one of these people who loves adult company and get bored if not occupied with stuff to do. But you know the thing about having a new baby meant that I had so many new and exciting things to do...creative things, like drawing and playing with things....I tried to structure the day after a while so that we spent time playing together in the morning, along with the odd bit of housework whilst the baby was asleep, and in the afternoon I used to go to playgroups/ friends/ go for walks....sometimes I did get bored and longed to be stimulated and not just have my day filled with nappies, weaning, the wheels on the bus and having to think of ways to entertain my baby/ies...but you know I think they are the best times, because you get to see your children growing up and you get to have so much time without the constraints of work etc, and you are doing the most important job in the world....I understand that some mothers do find it boring but if you can get to mix with mothers each and every day (there are plently about) then it really is worth sah (we were skint but it was worth it)