Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

I have been excluded and I have the hump!!!!! GGGGRRRRRRRRRR

67 replies

crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:06

There's a girl and it would seem that she is a very childish girl. She dislikes me, on the surface it's all sweetness and light and artificial compliments but you can tell she really doesn't like me.

Now, we work with the same people.. she had arranged a lunchtime event to which I wasn't invited - I was invited by two other chaps we work with. This didn't bother me and I went along to the lunch regardless.

Today somebody asked me who I had got in the secret santa that she'd organised.. I hadn't been included in it! nor have I been included in the Christmas lunch which is apparently taking place soon - this has really p'd me off as they are 'team' events in my eyes.

Am delaying deciding how to deal with it until I have had time to reflect and can be calm. I feel a bit crappy about it though! like she's trying to exclude me from an already established group.. I have my suspicions as to why but still I feel it is akin to trying to bully me (which quite honestly won't get her far)

OP posts:
TinselgalacticWalrus · 05/12/2006 14:09

Se's really off doing that.

It's amazing how grown adults can still act like children isn't it?

Go along to the Christmas lunch anyway, and be really nice to her. That'll piss her off no end.

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:12

that's when they're giving their secret santa gifts as well. I might go.. I have the balls to stand there and tell everyone I wasn't invited.

Apparently one bloke said when he was drawing oh I hope I get .. she must have stood there knowing that I wasn't included. I'm cross today that's why I haven't dealt with it as yet.. need to think of the best way.

OP posts:
Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:13

I really feel like pulling her up over it.

OP posts:
Tortington · 05/12/2006 14:16

i would take her into a room and give her the "we are both professinals" talk.

ask her why she feels the way she does - be sympathetic to the point of almost blatent piss take.

tell her that it doesn't matter about the secret santa. but becuase this has come between you and it is the season of goodwill, would she mind if you bought her a present as a 'new start' gesture.

then you have a whole new year to fuck her up the arse big time.

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:17

Funnily enough Custy - that's what I was planning (but without the gift)

OP posts:
Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:18

The ironic thing is. she bought the same shirt as me and has dyed her hair near enough the same colour. twit.

OP posts:
TinselgalacticWalrus · 05/12/2006 14:19

She definitely needs pulling up about it.

Make sure you are v adult about it, so that it makes her feel like a childish tit.

hotmulledwinemama · 05/12/2006 14:20

Are you both the same 'level' in the hierarchy IYKWIM? If you are then I would have a quiet word in your manager's ear because if they are letting this go on then this amounts to bullying in the workplace and probably grounds for a greivance - if you were so inclined.

What a cow - it's not on. You should let others know that you have been excluded - I hate this kind of thing. It takes me back to schooldays when being excluded was awful - absolutely not on in the workplace.

She shouldn't be able to do this - and whomever manages her should be hauling her in for a chat! I would if I was managing her!

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:27

Oh it's a long story...

We both went for the same job a while back I got it, she had her nose put out as she was favourite. We are the same age but I am more respected (I think) and earn more. She used to report to me but now we report to the same person. She has been in her current role longer than I have been in mine but I have worked for longer with the people we are now working with (does that make sense). I am far more assertive and so if she want's to pick a fight she's going to lose. I'm hoping it will be resolved quickly, my career is very important to me and I don't want to lose my credibility or reputation.

Really can't be bothered with this. We all haev to work with people we might not chose to be friends with but you just get on with it don't you?!?! not go out of your way to be an arse.

Why isn't there an angry santa? I'd like an angry santa.

OP posts:
hotmulledwinemama · 05/12/2006 14:31

Don't give her a slap in the workplace as you will probably lose your job!

Definitely still think you should have a word with your manager as they manage you both.

Still think she is a cow! [cow icon]

FestiveFrex · 05/12/2006 14:35

I would go to the lunch taking a gift with me. When they all do the SS thing, pull out your gift saying "As I wasn't included in the SS nor invited to this lunch, I thought I'd come along and bring myself something so I wouldn't be excluded any more. Does anyone have a problem with this??"

If everyone knows this girl has organised both, it will be clear to all what is going on.

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:39

I'm thinking it would be better to go for the sympathy vote than to look like I'm trying to get one up. The lads all think I'm a laugh and one of the other women I get on with really well. She was all for saying something today (I told her not to say anything yet)

OP posts:
Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:55

I have just ranted to somebody else about it. The more I think the more cross/upset I get

OP posts:
Tortington · 05/12/2006 15:01

set up hotmail account in name of notsosecretsantasbitch

send her an e mail from library computer - or using aproxy ( if you know how) from home. saying " i have seen you expluding crappywappy and will tell bossman if you carry on being twat"

or simply

fuck off bitch

Twiglett · 05/12/2006 15:05

Well I think you've already done it ... haven't you?@

If someone else knows what she's done then I would hazard a guess that everyone knows what she's done

Go up to her when there's lots of people around and say .. oh you seem to have forgotten me in your 'Secret Santa', I wonder how you managed that? and see what she says

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 15:07

The people I haven't spoken to won't say anything. I trust them and consider them friends as well as colleagues. The first person to mention this to me was my old boss who I get on with extremely well. wouldn't surprise me if he mentions something in passing to my new boss (they are peers).

I don't want to do anything that might make me look bad/childish/bitter.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 05/12/2006 15:10

so organising an alternative christmas lunch and secret santa is off the cards then?

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 15:11

LOL.. now there's an idea.

OP posts:
Flumpybumpy · 05/12/2006 15:17

He He I would find out who had got her in the secret sanya and ask if you could buy the present then wrap up one of those cows, from Early Learning, thats moo's when you shake it and wrap that up with a tag saying I thought this was appropriate!!!

Flumpybumpy · 05/12/2006 15:18

DOH Santa not sanya!!!

Miaou · 05/12/2006 15:24

I really like custardo's idea (of 12.16) - take her on one side and tell her you know what's going on. Watch her squirm but do it in private. Tell her you only found out through other people who are perplexed by her behaviour (so she knows it's doing her no favours with other people, not just you). Then sail out and leave her to stew.

Oh, and turn up to the Christmas lunch, sans gift if necessary. It will be very obvious to everyone that you have been left out. However if you have taken her on one side before the meal it gives her the opportunity to sort it out.

There is a wonderful saying I read once (and I paraphrase): Even better than winning the argument is giving your opponent the opportunity to swing gracefully over to your side with no loss of face.
After all, you do have to work with her.

incy · 05/12/2006 17:47

Be very sweet and aplogetic - take her aside and say you're embarassed to bring it up but a few people have asked if there is a problem between the two of you because she keeps excluding you from workplace events. Say you have assured people it isn't the case and is probably just an oversight but you would hate people to continue with the impression there is something wrong because neither of you want to appear unprofessional. This may be a subtle way of getting your message across that her behavior has been noticed and is not acceptable.

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 06/12/2006 10:01

GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR again!

I have just been forwarded an email by a colleague that was sent by her to everyone else except me.

I am going to have to deal with this today. I just no she's going to turn on the water works and that'll really piss me off.

OP posts:
Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 06/12/2006 10:02

know blimey - sorry!

OP posts:
Miaou · 06/12/2006 10:13

Take the tack that she is making a fool of herself and alienating all the other members of staff, not you - point out that people know she is deliberately missing you out and it is only her that looks the fool.

But what a PITA to have to deal with!!! Grrrr for you.