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Original poster

I have been excluded and I have the hump!!!!! GGGGRRRRRRRRRR

67 replies

crappywappynamechangingwuss · 05/12/2006 14:06

There's a girl and it would seem that she is a very childish girl. She dislikes me, on the surface it's all sweetness and light and artificial compliments but you can tell she really doesn't like me.

Now, we work with the same people.. she had arranged a lunchtime event to which I wasn't invited - I was invited by two other chaps we work with. This didn't bother me and I went along to the lunch regardless.

Today somebody asked me who I had got in the secret santa that she'd organised.. I hadn't been included in it! nor have I been included in the Christmas lunch which is apparently taking place soon - this has really p'd me off as they are 'team' events in my eyes.

Am delaying deciding how to deal with it until I have had time to reflect and can be calm. I feel a bit crappy about it though! like she's trying to exclude me from an already established group.. I have my suspicions as to why but still I feel it is akin to trying to bully me (which quite honestly won't get her far)

OP posts:
Miaou · 06/12/2006 10:14

alienating herself* from all the other members of staff... badly phrased, sorry

Piffle · 06/12/2006 10:18

one thing
How do all your other workmates react
if it was me and I respected one of two similarly positioned people more than another and they were left out of everything I'd have a right go.
it's her idea to exclude you but it only works if others tag along therefore making her scheme work...
She needs to be brought up chin down, you need to angle up behind the other people as ideally they should provide the rebellion

Tortington · 06/12/2006 10:22

just knock her the fuck out silly bitch she is

Piffle · 06/12/2006 10:30

Actually i think I'd deal with it front on.
Ask her why you aren't invited to her face.

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 06/12/2006 10:33

personally I would ring up a nice restaurant, and book a table for the specified number of team members, on the day of the Christmas lunch. I would then send out an email to all your team members, her included, saying:

"as it seems that no christmas lunch has been organized, I have taken the liberty of booking a table at xxx on the xxx of December. please could you all let me know if you can attend. I also think it would be a lovely idea if we did a secret santa, so I will put names in a hat for everyone to pull out this afternoon".

and watch how she wriggles out of that one.

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 06/12/2006 10:34

and if she continues to be such a bitch then I would also confront her, but I would be sure to do it in front of witnesses so that nothing you say/do could be twisted by her.

Flumpybumpy · 06/12/2006 10:35

I like wannbe's idea, that would make her look V stupid and petty!!!

GirlySquare · 06/12/2006 11:46

Hi crappywappy, I can sympathise as I have a similar problem and I hope I'm not hijacking your thread. I've been lurking for the past two days hoping for some pointers to resolve my problem female at work too. You do need to nip this one in the bud...

My problem's been going on for nearly two years now. Started the same way, for some reason this childish girl took against me and by the time I realised my confidence had gone to rock bottom. Discussed it with my team leader which resulted in her sending me to Coventry. My colleagues didn't say anything and things went from bad to worse they all stopped talking to me and I felt totally isolated. Tried ignoring it, rising above it and so on but nothing worked.

Eventually my GP wrote me off sick for three months for stress and I had counselling to re-build my confidence. I've now returned to work in same role, different team. The girl still gives me the cold shoulder, unfortunately colleages/work act as though nothing happened...colleagues all going to pub today, I'm not invited...I didn't realise until this girl came into our office and told the girl I work with now not to forget they're going to the pub!

Once again, apologies if I'm hijacking your thread I just want to highlight you really need to resolve this now before it affects you badly.

themulledSNOWMANneredjanitor · 06/12/2006 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixiefish · 06/12/2006 16:59

this is so horrible for you crappywappy-

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 06/12/2006 17:02

No, I think I've come up with a game plan. I'm going to speak to her tomorrow. Will let you know what happens, she needed to talk to me today and was all chippy (in my office so nobody around) yet yesterday afternoon she was all chatty (when we were in her office) and all our colleagues were around.

OP posts:
Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 06/12/2006 17:03

I'm letting her play her game.. let her think she's winning.

OP posts:
mistletoemania · 06/12/2006 17:23

crappywappy she is obviously jealous of you dressing the same as you jsut crap you don't need!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would choose my moment carefully with allies nearby and say "OH blabla you have forgotten to include me in the secret santa sack who will i get for then? Imagine you forgetting me I thought i was top of your christmas card list oh I'll let you off this time,season of good will and all "

mistletoemania · 06/12/2006 17:28

Girlysquare, not nice for you girls can be so bitchy by times.

who needs them enjoy your christmas with those you love

bctmum · 06/12/2006 17:33

go to the xmas lunch & at the secret santa say you weren't included - must have been a mistake so you have got something for everyone - a box of chocs or biscuits for tea & coffee. Everybody will think nice of you when they have a break.

Carmenere · 06/12/2006 17:33

Not including someone in the Christmas lunch is just thck if you ask me. FFS how does she think that is going to look when it comes out, could you just explain to her how silly she is coming accross. Explain to her that you have no problem with her not liking you but that as grown ups everyone just has to deal with it and get on in a professional manner. And then tell her that if she doesn't stop her childish behaviour that you will take the matter up with your bosses as you have no intention of being walked over.
Silly cow.

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 07/12/2006 14:35

It seems at least 2 people have challenged her over my exclusion - she's not backing down and both people are now talking me up to turning up on the day regardless.

I said I hope somebody impartial questions my lack of gift/lunch contribution publicly on the day as I won't be afraid to answer.

Have just had a long chat with my old boss about it (he's really quite cross about it) and he thinks she's jealous. It's so difficult. I do feel a little upset about it after the chat. just such a shame there's all this unecessary nastiness.

I mentioned to him that I had thought about trying to talk to her but was worried that she will turn on the water works and act the injured party.. he thinks I should leave it.

If she doesn't want to talk to me about how she's feeling there's not much I can do. I can't believe she is the same age as me it's all just so bloody childish.

OP posts:
CarolSheetTurner · 07/12/2006 14:41

So what has she said to the people who have challenged her about it? "I don't want crappy to be there?" Exactly how is she handling this? What a stupid, naive cow.

I've been following this thread avidly and am on the edge of my seat, rubbing my hands together, waiting for her downfall. I like the way you're handling it crappy, not charging in yelling. revenge is best served cold, and all that. At this rate, on the day of the lunch everyone is going to know what a stupid arse she is and she's going to look it too. All power to you!

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 07/12/2006 14:45

Well my old boss challenged her and she said it was only for people that sat in that area.. he said well him and someone else had been invited who don't sit there.. then she said something else and he tore holes in that.. she's now being very sheepish with him

He said he's had to stop himself writing a mail note to her a number of times

She's making herself look very petty and jealous.

OP posts:
FestiveFrex · 07/12/2006 14:47

You say she won't back down, but how is it that it is her decision who attends the lunch? Surely others can insist that you are included?

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 07/12/2006 14:51

She's done the arranging/inviting - people are just telling me to turn up and it's not up to her who goes.

OP posts:
BahHunkBug · 07/12/2006 15:00

Are you not going to speak to her about it?

I would do as Miaou posted further down the thread.

Then I'd shag her boyfriend

Original poster
crappywappynamechangingwuss · 07/12/2006 15:04

I couldn't, he's got a funny feature on his face

I might speak to her about it, still undecided - I thought I had a game plan til x-boss bought it up and we had a long impromptu chat about the situation... Also I didn't know him and somebody else had spoken to her about it!

Though I have though about crouching down by her desk in front of everyone and giving some big (very understanding and very patronising) talk about how she can always come to me if she has an issue and I how I understand that she might dislike me but it musn't affect our working relationship and blah blah blah.. make her feel really small in front of the office (she'd cry though)

OP posts:
BahHunkBug · 07/12/2006 15:07

Take tissues, produce them and say "I thought you might cry, you weedy fucker"

(I shall post what I would want to do in the same situation, if that's OK?)

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 07/12/2006 15:12

I think you should go, partly to show her that she can't get one over on you, and partly because you need to be seen to be strong, especially to those who are currently on your side.

I was very badly discriminated against in my first job. But I was much younger then and less strong, and the person doing the discriminating was my line manager so it was very hard for me to stand up to her. Things included telling me I would not be promoted because I had a disability, organizing team lunches out in the middle of nowhere that people had to drive to, and then telling me that I could not expect a lift as it would be unfair to expect people to carry my guide dog in their car, so it was expected that I wouldn't go, organizing a team building event which I was asked to consider not attending because there would be obstacle courses etc involved which she didn't feel would be appropriate for me, and so the list goes on. I did attend the team building event btw and she couldn't say anything about it. But I didn't have the courage to actively stand up to her, because I thought it would come back to bite me iykwim. Things only came to a head when a friend reported her to the equal opportunities manager and things then became public. We had a massive row and although she refused to back down, I finally had the courage to tell her what I thought, and after that she was as nice as pie to me. I left shortly after that, but I subsequently heard that another team member took her to court for similar issues, and she left not long after.

My last year in that job was a truely miserable experience, and I feel that had I been stronger, things would have been different, and she wouldn't have got away with as much as she did.

be strong, stand up to her, and show her that you are better than her, because if you let this one go, she will think she has the upper hand and will continue to make your life miserable.

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