Advantages of Going Back to Work Early

[Judy1234]

Coming out of several other threads this is interesting. As I said elsewhere with my first child I went back to work after 2 weeks. I always work up until I went into labour. I think the longest I took off was 5 week with any of the 5. You don't often get parents writing about returning to work quickly so I thought just setting out some of the advantages might be helpful for those who can't decide how much time to take off at home. I don't want this to be seen as me saying all parents should both be back at their desks within 2 weeks however; just food for thought particularly with the new paternity leave rights coming in next April.

1. The baby does not have a huge wrench when you suddenly return at 6 months or a year. At 2 weeks she can get used to her good childcare from the father, relative, nanny or whatever so has continuity and no shock to the system of a later return.

1. You don't have time to get out of the swing of work so it's all less disrupting to your life.

1. You can establish a breastmilk expressing system early on without worrying about how to manage breastfeeding when going back at 3 months.

1. Both parents are equally as involved with the children. The pattern at home isn't established that the mother does everything to do with the baby. The mother isn't better than the father at child things. You may get a more involved husband.

1. You only lose 10% of pay in the few weeks you take off.

1. You don't lose touch with work, lose promotion, position etc.

1. If I'm allowed say it, being at home with babies can be boring (not for everyone, I know) so you can skip all that and concentrate on the fun cuddles bit.

1. You inconvenience an employer or your customers less. No one will like me for saying this but in the real world fathers and mothers taking leave is hard to manage. I can say this having had to manage maternity leave for two of my nannies over the years.

1. You may find the physical recovery from birth easier in an office than managing small children and domestic work at home with heavy lifting, toddlers who kick you, heavy rubbish to put out, floors to scrub etc.I certainly found sitting still at a desk, time to rest, relax, get drinks at my leisure helped me get back to normal. Dressing in office clothes too helps get you back to being your normal self. I loved leaving behind the clothes at home covered in baby sick etc.

10. Sometimes it aids mental health particularly if you hate being home with a baby.

More harm to whom, Mozhe? To the children? To the parents? To society? Am interested - am having time with dcs now. May freelance in the future, working from home when I can find the time. Then plan to go back to work when the children are older (in school). Am confused as to how this could be construed as being harmful.

I never felt guilty b/c it was either go back or be homeless.

You do what you have to do. I am fortunate in that financially we can afford for me to care for the children. And it is only marginally less economical for me to do this than to continue with part-time set up with childcare for 2 children.
But I don't think that anyone should feel guilty for going back to work where financially necessary, or even for enjoyment. Each to their own. However I personally think that the majority of parents would probably prefer to delay their return to work for as long as possible, for at least as many reasons as Xenia has posted.

mozhe, many mothers share our views but most working mothers don't bother to or have time to post on a site like mumsnet and probably most mumsnetters don't really mix with that kind of full time working mother who is doing it out of choice or because of her political or feminist or whatever views, that's all but there are absolutely tons of women out there just like me and of course that's not appreciated here sa you can see by people thinking it's extraordinary anyone can suggest a 2 parent economicaily active model is a jolly good thin or that it's worth debating giong back to work quickly etc. It is almost beyond the comprehension of some people that mothers like you and I exist. It seems as though people are affornted that I dare to express a view that going back to work could be good for children and the family and yet if I were coming down on one side of the breast or bottle feeding argument, for example, you wouldn't get that outrage.

Doesn't matter. The more different views I read the better. It's almost as if though people don't want to see the issue debated that a model of one parent economically dependent on the other might be wrong or that it might have some adverse consequences. There are advantages - you have interesting work stuff to talk about, couples can sometimes stay married longer (not that I'm a good example of that as I'm divorced), perhaps less unfairness so less chance they might stray, never mind the fact the father probably has a closer relationship with his children if the mother works. She's not keeping close to herself her territory - the children which she likes to show off about being better at than him, putting him down in all those nasty ways some (not all) mothers do. He is just as good as she is with the children and she has not problem with that because she also excels in her work.

..(on the other thing - I flew there and back in a day. I can't really write about it for reasons of confidentiality but it wasn't a very satisfactory outcome)..

No you're right xenia us little housewives on MN don't usually mix with highflyers like you and mozhe...

Don't leave out untouchable serfs like me, emkana!

Why do you appear to feel so threatened? I don't feel threatened by hearing SAHMs say it's better for babies if the mother is home. I just accept that is the view of some people and get on with my choices. Yet if I say may views people seem to feel personally affronted and often comment as if I'm the only mother in England who shares my views.

Why would I feel threatened? I work.

Are you one of those women who thinks other women are jealous of you?

I'm actually asking that as an honest question, b/c I've run across a fair number of women like you, but never in the UK.

Then again, my life in the UK has never included London.

I don't feel threatened at all. I am 100% sure that I made the right decision for me and my family in staying at home, but I'm equally happy to accept that for other women a different choice might be better.

I just found it quite amusing to read your post because it expressed a view about what MNers are "like" which is just a bit silly. There are plenty of MNers who have very satisfying and demanding careers, so for you to make it sound as if it was a bunch of Stepford wives seemed quite funny.

No answer. Still an answer?

Won't deign to respond?

Never mind. I got what I wanted. Thanks!

No, em, you see, everyone whose opinion runs contrary to hers, it's b/c they are in reality jealous of her and the life she has.

That's the rub.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I don't care what other people do with their children but I think it's a conceit to believe that WOHM somehow intrinsically makes you more interesting.

Ime, some people can make any subject, even fund management, IT law or podiatry (topics that do nothing for me!) interesting while other people can make the most exciting of adventures drab and dull.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
a small question about semantics:
Who would genuinely - even if they did have 5 kids - make a comment like 'many of them having grown up' ? Is 'many' a word you would use about a number of your own children?

and someone forgot to bite at the bait about French hospitals helping new mums to 'get their figures back'.

am I being really backwards here? Can i hear a gavel?

With dd1 I had a forceps delivery, it was 2 weeks before I could walk and sit down properly. Going back to work at 2 weeks was something I would never have managed as my job was physically demanding.

With dd2 the delivery was natural and I was up and about straight away and back to normal within a few days. But dd2 liked to feed every hour on the hour which was exhausting. Again the job I'm in now is physically demanding, on my feet all day lots of bending and lifting and I just don't feel I would have managed it.

When it comes to fathers looking after babies in my personal circumstances I'm lucky as my dh works evenings so he was here through the day every day to help me and bond with both dd's when they were tiny. Even now that I'm back at work my dh is the one who looks after our dd's while I'm at work (I work part time) and has a very close relationship with both of them.

If you were/are happy to go back to work when your baby is 2 weeks old then good for you if that's what you want to do. Everyone has to make decisions based on their own personal circumstances. Nobody is every right 100% of the time and nobody is every wrong 100% of the time.

Personally for me I'm glad of the time I had with my dd's when they were tiny babies and although I do have a part time job which I love at the end of the day I work to live I don't live to work.

I wouldn't expect anyone to be jealous of me. It's not always that easy to be a divorced single parent of 5 etc What's to be jealous about that?
This was a nice positive thread about the good things about goinv back to work early so those considering it could see it is not just a negative nasty thing you are forced to do but could be beneficial too.

More interesting... depends on the person. Thinking about dates with very dull men here..... yes, work can be dull. Sometimes wher eyou both have had a really fascinating work day there's a lot of sparking of ideas off each other, mutual ability to benefit each other's business etc and may be if the other one;/s been stuck in with the baby and just says - Here have that - dumping iton you as you walk in so she gets a bit of free time or goes off to bed too exhausted for sex, that may not be as interesting as if you've both done fun things in the day you can chat about rather than ., he did a green poo, I tried baby organics or whatever.

Yet if he's the type of man who sees himself as a partner, perhaps he wound find baby organics interesting. He'd be as interested in his children as much as his work.

I work, and my husband stays home during hte day w/our daughters.

I want to hear about his day, whatever that involved.

B/c he is my partner, my life companion.

The green poo isn't any less significant than my job, b/c it's part of his day and I love, value and care about him.

I don't find it patronising or dull to hear about this stuff.

They're MY children, too.

And FWIW, I think it's derisive to assume that all men are just wanting to hear about a career woman's day and then have a shag.

I mean, you have sons. Are you bringing them up to value their partners' lives as less than b/c they may happen to make different choices? Or to have equal respect for that, or to just see their partner in terms of their financial earning potential.

How shallow and sad. A person's worth as a cash cow.

It's all 'talking shop' at the end of the day, lockets, it's just different shops. Imagine how boring it would be if it were all the same?

Yawn!

As a SAHM I never considered myself "stuck in" with my children.

DH and I did discuss our children when he came home from work, because we found our children an interesting topic of conversation.

You can do "fun things in the day" as a SAHM.

Re Xenia's comment "I wouldn't expect anyone to be jealous of me".

I wouldn't either.