Advantages of Going Back to Work Early

[Judy1234]

Coming out of several other threads this is interesting. As I said elsewhere with my first child I went back to work after 2 weeks. I always work up until I went into labour. I think the longest I took off was 5 week with any of the 5. You don't often get parents writing about returning to work quickly so I thought just setting out some of the advantages might be helpful for those who can't decide how much time to take off at home. I don't want this to be seen as me saying all parents should both be back at their desks within 2 weeks however; just food for thought particularly with the new paternity leave rights coming in next April.

1. The baby does not have a huge wrench when you suddenly return at 6 months or a year. At 2 weeks she can get used to her good childcare from the father, relative, nanny or whatever so has continuity and no shock to the system of a later return.

1. You don't have time to get out of the swing of work so it's all less disrupting to your life.

1. You can establish a breastmilk expressing system early on without worrying about how to manage breastfeeding when going back at 3 months.

1. Both parents are equally as involved with the children. The pattern at home isn't established that the mother does everything to do with the baby. The mother isn't better than the father at child things. You may get a more involved husband.

1. You only lose 10% of pay in the few weeks you take off.

1. You don't lose touch with work, lose promotion, position etc.

1. If I'm allowed say it, being at home with babies can be boring (not for everyone, I know) so you can skip all that and concentrate on the fun cuddles bit.

1. You inconvenience an employer or your customers less. No one will like me for saying this but in the real world fathers and mothers taking leave is hard to manage. I can say this having had to manage maternity leave for two of my nannies over the years.

1. You may find the physical recovery from birth easier in an office than managing small children and domestic work at home with heavy lifting, toddlers who kick you, heavy rubbish to put out, floors to scrub etc.I certainly found sitting still at a desk, time to rest, relax, get drinks at my leisure helped me get back to normal. Dressing in office clothes too helps get you back to being your normal self. I loved leaving behind the clothes at home covered in baby sick etc.

10. Sometimes it aids mental health particularly if you hate being home with a baby.

jaw stuck to desk top!

fathers adore new babies and go off back to work at 2 weeks. You can still love them and work. All this talk of palming off on this thread really shows what a lot of SAHM think of working mothers.

as I said - I shall be returning to work when DC3 is 8/9 months old BUT it's only part time - just 3 nights a week - so I'll still spend a large part of my time with him/her. I just think 2 weeks is ridiculously early - especially with the reasons that you give!

excuse me Xenia - please read my posts carefully - I used the phrase "palming off" - and I'm about to get ready to go and work a 9 1/4hr shift......so I'm not a SAHM

Baby 3 months, back to work 3 days a week first

Then back to 5 days when she was 8 months.

2.5 hours commute each day, 8.5 hours at work, hated it, so left for good.

The guilt was terrible as well as being soooooo tired.

Went self empolyed and now get to do school runs and school plays without asking the boss's permission!

You do what you have to do until you realise that they are only little for such a short time.

Ok - base argument is that we are animals. Young stay with their mother, the person who can fulfill their nutritional needs for the first several months of life. In our species, mothers carry the milk, mothers therefore are the ones who care for young. If you managed to express milk and work from such an early stage then you did well. However, I would still argue that a baby needs its mother. Father is the next best thing. I was lucky as I had my DP at home with me for the first 6 weeks of DS's life. We both bonded with DS together. DS is still 2 years on, very close (equally close) to both of us. DP has always had an active role in caring for DS since I went back to work. however, I don't believe DS would have been as securely attached as he is had I not been there. I'm rambling but I hope my point gets across.

this reminds me of a woman i met who booked her 3rd CS as before to fit in with social commitments. she then handed baby in hospital to maternity nurse who took care of baby for the first 6wks

after that the baby was cared for by the other 2 nannies employed to look after the older children.
the children lived in a separate apartment with carers, but mind on the same floor as the parents.

when the children were old enough they were sent to boarding school of course and so on all perfectly normal you understand.

these people then grow up to rule the world and one wonders why things have gone so wrong....

babies usually "attach" (in the pyschological sense, not the general one) to one person - the main carer. presumably it's possible that it can be 2 people, where care is split 50:50, but that's unusual.

xenia - post made at 8.38pm

"My argument is leaving it at 2 weeks is probably easier for the baby than this massive wrench at 9 months when suddenly that 24/7 relationship with mother is rent asunder."

leaving "it"

speaks volumes...

Xenia is right, why is it accepted for father to return after two weeks, but not mothers? Why are they not accused of cruel abandonment? Yet, when I turn up at work, I get looks and comments of contempt. I have done the work. I carried that child. I delivivered it, and I had an emergency section (and I mean a true emergency). Yet, I have found the streght to show up at work to pay the childminder. And somehow, sitting there, I feel I deserve a pat on the back. But, what do I get? Dirty looks and sincere shock at my presence.

God, do you know what, the next time I'm standing in the kitchen making the packed lunches at 10pm having just finished the ironing, following cooking dinner, following spending the afternoon trying to spend quality time with DS AND get some chores done at the same time, following having worked for my employer for 4 hours and spent over an hour in the car in rush hour traffic, following having got up at 6.45, I'll think to myself -

Hell, I could have been doing all this since DS was 2 weeks old!

Fantastic!

Oh, Xenia, I was just in the mood for a ruck when I sat down earlier (sleep deprivation).

I haven't posted on your threads before, because, you know what, you've done it five times, it clearly works for you, and that's great. You can't undo it even if you wanted to, and you don't want to because it has worked for you. So no argument, really, is there?

No hard feelings, eh?

I did once start a thread about how come it was OK for dads to go back to work at a fortnight and not mums. I'll see if I can find it, though I was feeling inflammatory when I posted it and I may have posted it in chat.

FrayedKnot - so true

Here you go

I like working, btw. It gives me a break from those small, pestering people.

surely this is not a SAHM vs WOHM issue? its just the immediacy of squeezing out a baby and getting back on the treadmill, as if nothing mattered apart from work. very few of the women i have ever met would physically been capable of returning to work 2 weeks after birth and I certainly wasn't. i just can't see how this situation benefits the child or the mother, especially in the long term. I mean, are we robots and do we expect no lasting damage to occur from an unnatural situation just because it suits us to believe it won't? The 6 months maternity leave was created because it is understood even in law and government that mothers and children need some time together before working life resumes.

But guys Xenia was not saying that everyone should go back to work at 2 weeks or whatever, just that it can be done. And it can work well for some.

She has not critcised those who don't work, or those who choose to take time off
"You don't often get parents writing about returning to work quickly so I thought just setting out some of the advantages might be helpful for those who can't decide how much time to take off at home. I don't want this to be seen as me saying all parents should both be back at their desks within 2 weeks however; just food for thought particularly with the new paternity leave rights coming in next April."

She ws simply stating what she did.

Whether I agree with her choosing to do this it is irrelevant, BUT she was saying it could help some people see that it is a choice and it can be done.

Evrywhere on MN we ask people to consider that not everyone thinks or does the same, yet someone who obviously choosing to do this, and I am quite sure could have chosen to give up work totally, we criticise. Why not applaud her for finding a way that worked for HER

TBH I could have gone bac to work about 3 weeks after DD1 was born as she was in hospital for 14 weeks, in fact maybe I should have done, then taken 6 months off when she was home. Instead I had about 12 weeks wityh her before I went back to work.

DD2 I was leaving when I wentt o teh gym at around 5 weeks, and yes I had a c-section which got infected and yes I had a crap birth, but it didn't make me an awful person.

All xenia is saying is that we all have a choice and this could be an option for some women, don't vilify her for her personal choice, she is not suggesting it is right for anyone or everyone else.

but then she said "All this talk of palming off on this thread really shows what a lot of SAHM think of working mothers."
I don't think it of people who have the humanity to spend a few blimmin' months with their newest creation

yeah but she resoponded to harsh critcism which you are still dishing out.

Why shoudl her choice be a problem to you??

well personally, half of me, speaking as a liberal sort who generally thinks everyone should be entitled to their life choice. but then the other half reads xenias comments and i am thrown into a quandrary as i find everything she says irresponsibly selfish to an unbelievable degree. and then i feel the need to wade. everytime i do i feel i have fallen into some trap she's laid for us all

that is true crunchie.

although I have to say that some of the points in the original post are completely untrue/misleading for most people.

• another 'great' post!

By Xenia on Wed 11-Oct-06 20:09

But people choose it as a life choice to be a house wife who does the cleaning rather than work and I can't understand why they make that choice, why they enjoy the bulk of their day being engaged in domestic cleaning services.

here

she has critised people who are sahm on more than one occasion

Crunchie, actually she called women who stay at home to care for their children 'prostitutes'. Don't know about you, but I wouldn't personally call that terribly supportive.