Notifying your employer you're expecting

halle23 · 2015-04-30T17:02:30+00:00

I work in finance in an all male company where the only other females are support staff. My boss runs the office and has a similar management style to Attila the Hun. The men who have taken paternity leave all take less than their two week allowance. As such, I am very nervous about telling my boss I am expecting and am wondering if anyone has any helpful advice and if I should wait until after my mid-year review in early July if I can conceal things long enough (expecting early December). Thanks!

Skiptonlass · 30/04/2015 18:26

My boss is also, shall we say....unsympathetic towards any form of time off/not working all hours etc.

I waited until I was reasonably sure everything was ok, then I told her.

I've already been sidelined and had my responsibilities reduced (cow!!) and I'm sure it's going to get worse.

I'm not sure I'd bother concealing it - unless you have zero bump, someone is going to notice and it's much better if it gets to your boss first hand, not via office rumour.

If your boss is Attila -ish I suggest tackling it head on, with an attitude that this is happening, you'll deal with it, here are your plans for seamless cover, etc, but they have to play ball. I'm being as assertive as I can but I know I'm going yo have a fight on my hands - they don't give a toss about protective legislation and are already being sued by two women who were fired for pregnancy/family related reasons.

Sorry I can't be more cheerful. Hope you do better than I have.

Snowflake15 · 30/04/2015 18:36

I work in a similar company and have kept it hidden until 19 weeks, planning to tell after 20week scan next week, but it is getting hard to hide now! I had my appraisal this week but no definite bonus confirmed, just that it would be good

Terrified of telling them next week but it will also be a relief!

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 30/04/2015 18:39

You can tell them latest at 25 weeks if you can hide that long! I'm telling my work after the 20 week scan this time as I had bad news at the 20 week scan last time (all was ok in the end though) so that's a valid reason if you want to hold off. Not that you need a reason to wait as it's your right. Good luck

KanyesVest · 30/04/2015 18:49

A good tip I got was to have it in writing with you when you tell your boss, so go in, have the chat, then at the end hand over a letter (or have a draft email ready to immediately hit send) with a breezy, "I put it all in writing too, just in case you need written confirmation now". It means there's no ambiguity about when you told them...Just in case you ever need it. I had a great relationship with my boss in a pretty reasonable company when I got pregnant with DD, bit still did it like this. Best of luck!

Tho123 · 18/05/2015 19:47

Hi guys,

This seems to be a relevant thread to my current situation, hopefully you might have some thoughts - I'm six months into job in a huge corporate company (think men in striped suits, lots of meetings etc). We are desperate to start trying, however I can only imagine the **storm it will cause at work! and how unpopular I will being going on mat leave after potentially only being in the role 15months.

What do you think - should I wait a year before ttc? How long were you in your roles?

Thanks!

Original poster

halle23 · 18/05/2015 21:48

I would check your company's maternity policy first to see when your benefits kick in and then, after speaking to your doctor about your health, have a heart to heart with your partner. It takes the average couple something like 12 months to conceive so you may working for quite sometime. Personally, I wish we hadn't waitedI wanted to be married for at least one year then had a serious ski accident almost one year to the date. After spending 1 1/2 years in intensive rehab and Physio, we decided to start trying and it's taken us 16 monthsI wish I'd been armed with facts (and better luck) when we casually decided to wait. Ultimately, you should do what's best for you and your partner as no company or colleague will ever put you first so I wouldn't advocate sacrificing your personal needs for what's just a line on your CV. If your committed to the job (as you sound), you will come back just as committed if not more so. At the same time, timing matters and mitigating stress will help you conceive and have a healthy pregnancy. I've not answered your question, but hope that helps!

OP posts:

Original poster

halle23 · 18/05/2015 22:20

I would check your company's maternity policy first to see when your benefits kick in and then, after speaking to your doctor about your health, have a heart to heart with your partner. It takes the average couple something like 12 months to conceive so you may working for quite sometime. Personally, I wish we hadn't waitedI wanted to be married for at least one year then had a serious ski accident almost one year to the date. After spending 1 1/2 years in intensive rehab and Physio, we decided to start trying and it's taken us 16 monthsI wish I'd been armed with facts (and better luck) when we casually decided to wait. Ultimately, you should do what's best for you and your partner as no company or colleague will ever put you first so I wouldn't advocate sacrificing your personal needs for what's just a line on your CV. If your committed to the job (as you sound), you will come back just as committed if not more so. At the same time, timing matters and mitigating stress will help you conceive and have a healthy pregnancy. I've not answered your question, but hope that helps!

OP posts: