Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

Oh don't get depressed
At least we don't have to live 15 to a room and send 5 yos up chimneys and down mines

It did used to be a LOT worse you know!

Now, Rhubarb

Tell me what you do
I will help you do a cv to get a better paid job if you like it is mad working for so little

I think there is something wrong with the system when people choosing to be on benefits are better off than the people supporting them.

Personally, I'd be happier if the benefits were effort based. For example, I'd far rather give something to someone like Rhubarb who is making an effore than some who just doesn't think they should have to work. Do you think other people don't have the same maternal instinct and desire to be with their kids? And do you not see that your selfishness is keeping them at work. I can uderstand if someone says they don't want to work 60 hours a week. But, to not work at all, that's really taking the mick.

And, yes, of cours it is good that we don't send children to work in the mines any more.

although i am sometimes tempted

Can't read all this but it occurs to me we could usefully channel some of the enormous amount of time and energy which go into these SAHM / WOHM debates into helping one another (see CD's post below)resolve these issues in ways which suit individuals, which are obviously not going to be the same way for everybody. Maybe there couod be a part of the site where people willing to provide specalist assistance to other people could be linked up with people needing that assistance (query MN liability issues, memories of JudgeFlounce)?

Floating in the Fire, I feel you have taken this the wrong way. No-one has said you are sponging from the state. As far as I am aware, no-one has said anyone is sponging from the state.

Please, please don't take anything I have said like that, because I don't regard benefits as charity but as an essential part of our modern society.

Poppet, I do think that that to suggest that a homeowning family with two reasonably good jobs should consider going onto benefits simply to spend more time with the children is not a mainsream viewpoint. For a start, you can't claim housing benefit against a mortgage. Perhaps there are a couple of people here who would condone this, but probably not many. Maybe like the family on wifeswap (who had 8 children including twins(!)) there would be extenuating circumstances that would make this make sense.

In different parts of the country, the cost of living is hugely varied. On dhs salary we could probably survive elsewhere, but his job is here, and he loves it. I don't desire to uproot us all just to give up work, but I suppose you would view that as a choice.

Because if there weren't so many people to support then those of us who have to support them wouldn't have to work 40, 50, 60 hour weeks.

Now I do appreciate that the cost of childcare makes it damn near impossible to return to work. What I am saying is I'd rather support someone who is trying to return to work then pay them to stay home when I (and most other tax payers) can't afford the same luxury.

most smalll boys that I know love climbing - perhaps we should start sending them back up chimneys ( cheaper than paying out for the climbing wall)

My boys would like to work I think. DS1 would like me to buy him a toyshop but not sure how much would get sold.

ok, I can no longer claim ownership of this thread, we are all over the place... comes to show how complicated it all is I suppose.

Rhubarb... I think you are terribly underpaid. I don't know your reasons and your circumstances but I would look for something else if I were you. I am not saying anybody can just choose a higher paid job but 7K is taking the

I am sorry that I made you feel bad. I honestly was not boasting, this is precisely why I changed my name, I don't want people to judge me based on my income. My income does not make life's dilemmas any easier to solve unfortunately. Makes it more difficult sometimes (I know many people will disagree).

Cowmad - "No" is probably closer to the end reply than "yes" but I will look for some sort of middle road. It is not a decision that I would take in a day, in a week or even in a month. It is something that I will ponder on for a while until I am satisfied with my decision. This thread is part of my pondering and it has really helped. I thank everyone who has contributed to it again.

If it helped other people, even better.

I am realy hoping it will frustrate Rhubarb into changing her job.

rhubarb works parttime from what I can remember

Well I'll add in to CD's post.

If anyone would like help working out how to change their life in terms of work/life balance please email me on [email protected] or CAT me.

I'm an experienced facilitator and qualified tutor and cognitive behaviuoral worker. I've run life coaching sessions for groups and individuals and I have financial and HR experience. My particular area of knowledge is the not-for-profit and public sector.

Let me get this straight. If I divorce DH and quit work, I can get a house to live in with my 2 kids and enough money to buy groceries and pay the basic utility bills (including of course broadband to access Mumsnet). And I won't owe anybody anything. And other people should go to work and struggle to pay their childcare and never see their own kids so that they can support me in my choice.

yeah come on then. sell your house if you own one. then you are nto entitled to benefits becuase you have savings.

next. spend all the equity you have saved and built up

next: claim benefits
live in a shitty house - where everyone thinks your a second class citizen.

oh and by the way consider this

you will be living in probably a high crime area
where the local school is shit

thats after - after you have spent at least 6 weeks in a B&B

no ordinary B&B let me tell you - it will be a lovley shithole of a place where you wouldnt sleep on the bed - but rather the floor. where all you can hear is screaming and fighting in the hallway.

your afraid tolook at someone wrong in case you get your face kicked in in front of your children.

where your neighbout asks you for - not sugar - but a tenner so she can score - in front of her children.

spend 6 weeks with your precious children in that situation.

then (choice based lettings my fucking arse) you will take the first thing offered to you by the council - becuase the choice is this hell or a hell you haven't encountered yet

now your re-housed on a council estate. and it would be so nice to hear you say that council estates are nice places when you know and i know different.

your now considered adequatley housed. transfering to another area or getting out of this shithole is now nigh on iompossible.

your kids deveklop asthma becuase of the damp - the council send round surveyors who tell you that its condensation

its not you know its not - but no one gives a shit - why does no one give a shit

becuase every fucker thinks they are doing you the fucking favour.

now you live in a shit area
your kids go to the shit local school and proceed to get a shit education.
you know damn well that in spite of your excellent parenting style the careers of choice will be -
leave school get pregnant and claim benefits
be a druggie or drunk
steal cars

have at least 2 children by the time you are 21.

and lets not forget this
if your child has any kind of medical condition

it will be becuase you are one of those poor people who live on a council estate - it will be becuase you feed them crap food
dont talk to them
dont interact with them

the local NHS trust will see the address and give you a second class service

lets hope you have the confidence to get through that

on top of which - now you have o savings, no money, no job , no career, no friends. new area. can't afford a car.

now your getting into debt - your gas is on a pre payment meter - basically you pay up front or you go cold.

same with electric

can you find £3 for the meter so you can see until next benefit payment?

no? early bedtiome everyone - its a lovely game

how long - how many years can you do that lovely game

are you still happy?

are you content with your lot
are you glad you wre "sponging off the state" as its so fucking easy?

a job is not just money. a job is hope, a pension, confidence cameraderie, extra training in house, a chance to further oneself, something to work for.

but you have given all this up - becuase its such a piece of piss staying at home with your children "sponging" off the state as a single parent

yeah come on then. its so fucking easy.

here here custardo thank fuck for someone with some common sense! some people are so naive ignorance is bliss for them. WHt you described is life for 1000,s of young mums, a lot of the people i grew up wiht in fact. oh and forget 6 weeks in a shithole how about 2 years in one room with addicts around you taking coke and heroin aND men (who ar enot supposed to be allowed there) beating their girlfriends on a daily basis! yep what an easy fucking life!

If you are trying, okay. I'm talking about people who simply think they don't have to work because quite simply they'd rather not. I'm talking about someone who was able to support themselves and their kids and chooses to give it up and then turns to the taxpayer for handouts. I am not talking about people who are unable to work or would suffer a financial loss for going to work.

When people are worse off for going to work, then there's something wrong with the system. As I said earlier I would be happier with a system that help people who are trying but not able to make ends meat. But, people who are able to work should.

Exactly custardo. For a woman with a partner with a good job which means she can afford not to work to say they would go on benefits if they had to just to look after the children is bloody ridiculous.

It is not a walk in the park, and insulting to all the people who are in the real situation, sometimes battling against poverty and fighting to maintain their existence as it stands.

Equally to talk about it as if it is a real choice is ridiculous, and panders to the "Red top mentality" which portrays the 'taxpayer' as a sucker rather than as a lucky person with a job.

I hope to god you are not talking from personal experience, but if you are then thank you for your sensible contribution. This debate about benefits is silly, and totally devoid of the common sense that you rightly point out.

It is nonsense.

Okay, me23, enlighten me, then? What is standing between your life and a job/career?

Custy, I don't think your description applies to all council housing, not the ones I've seen anyway (which granted is not a big sample).

Custardo, yes that situaiton does exist for far too many people. But so does this one: (and i know the person in question but not giving away too much detail here in case anyone else spots them)

Split up with childs father
When child is aged 3(no idea what happened before then) claim housing benefit to enable you to rent a nice 2bed house from a private landlord in a half decent area.
Get new partner (live in) but don't register him on council tax so you keep your single person discount and don't register his work so you keep your benefits and the housing benefit.
When child is aged 7 decide to send child to private school - using the part of DP income that would normally have to go on housing costs (still claiming housing benefit so living rent free)

Been a SAHM all this time and still complains about the lack of financial support.

This is the type of person who I woudl see as a potential burden on the state. The child in question is now 10, they still get housing benefit etc and as they can afford to do private school (wihtout mum working) I doubt they are completly strapped for cash!

Floating, if you want to email me feel free. Happy to help anyone who wants to try and make things better for their family/themselves.

nothing uwlila I didnt say that I was talkin about me. I work actually, sorry if you assumed I was a 'sponger' like the rest, although i do ger working families tax credit as I am a single parent and I dont have a 'live-in' boyfriend etither.oh and I never lived in a hostel. I got my flatr before I got pregnant.

Ah, but you work, right? So you are making an effort and doing what you can. That's good. So I'm obviously not talking about you. I'm talking about people who choose not to make efforts that they are able to make.