Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

yes (I think that was to me fairymum?)

poppet, I am not talking about love. Thinking you love your children more than others because you stay at home with them just make most people roll their eyes and sigh reading your posts. I co-slept/sleep with all my children and I work fulltime. I don't co-sleep because I love them more at night than other parents. I co-sleep because it suits me and my children.

Well I find it starnge how I am being shouted at for having an opinion and for not agreeing with others.

Have I attacked anyone on here for their opinion as I have been? no.

So just accept that you don't like my opinion but you have heard it.

The more people carry on being so defensive, the louder I will shout my opinion. I'm quite stubbon when it comes to shouting out for the kids.

fairymum I was taking the piss.

Poppet, not exactly the same but still not a decision that a 3-year-old should be asked to make.

I am sure my son would love for me and his dad to both stay at home and look after him. He would also prefer me to never do anything else but play with him. Not realistic.

Well, the only reason I feel the need to contribute to this debate is that these opinions ultimately influence policies.

justaphase My children don't expect me to play with them all day long. They play with each other, they play on their own, they play with their mum their dad, other friends. They also see (and help) me run a house. It's called normal home life. A very difficult situation to re-create by anyone else in anyother setting imo.

agreed fairymum.

Exactly poppet! That's because YOU made the corrrect decision that this is the way things should be and tought them appropriately. Well done!!!

May I just say that a happy (read well-adjusted) mother makes for a happy / well adjusted child? If your easy with your decision, what's all the fuss?

Poppet, "normal home life" isn't some concrete edifice that stays the same over time. What is normal to you is anathema to somebody else. That doesn't mean either of you is wrong, fgs.

I found Xenia's posts very insulting and personally upsetting, as a SAHM. However, yours are worse IMO. You do seem to be implying that WOHMs are selfish and don't love their children. Surely you know, really, that that is a gross and ridiculous generalisation and is untrue? Does anyone really, away from the heat of this argument, want to put their signature to the statement "All working mothers are selfish and are failing their children"? Or, for that matter, "All SAHMs are lazy, needy and are smothering their children"? God, I hope not .

I usually end up in the thick of these blazing rows on MN (i was in this one earlier). But this one has descended into downright cruelty and spitefulness on both sides, and it has made me think about what the hell we are all doing here. As someone said on another thread, this is a good example of women being their own worst enemies. What happened to women supporting one another in their right to make their own decisions about how to run their lives and their families? What happened to the choices women fought for? The main thrust of what was good about feminism is being lost in all this black-and-white thinking, defensiveness and point-scoring - the debate has degenerated into nothing better than a ping-pong match.

I agree with Gunpowder. I WAS very interested in the original OP and some of the more calmly written and articulate posts on both sides. I am now utterly fed up with the way the thread has degenerated into mud-slinging. We are doing ourselves a huge disservice. Any interesting POVs are lost amongst the insults.

No happy mummies here, then!

I'm being miss-quoted again (yawn)

OK yeah yeah womens rights bla bla

What about childrens rights? honestly what would they choose?

But who cares what the kids want or need. as long as mums happy.

I'm flouncing off now cos I think I have made myself heard and can't be bothered to keep correcting people when I have been miss quoted.

enjoy the rest of the thread where hopefully no-one else will really challenge your opinions.

(I am Greensleeves btw, not usually SNOT)

Perhaps we could get The Doctor to offer Poppet a trip back to the 1950's when her view were rather more acceptable.

Poppet, your perceptions of my children's needs are simply not accurate. My 3 year old is very happy with her daycare arrangements. My 18 month old also seems to be a perfectly happy child. And you have no information to suggest otherwise.

Furthermore, why exactly do you care what my children do all day unless you are attemting to convince yourself that your own chosen path is superior. And, then I must wonder why you require so much convincing. Perhaps it is you who is unsure of your choices.

dearest thankyoupoppet, I do value your input & am paying attention but doesn't it make sense (as I said earlier, if you bothered to read it) that a "happy" mummy makes a "happy" child?

however the primary carer, mum or dad, decides they need to spend their working day - at home, at work, at the gym, whatever - if that "primary carer" is content & calm & able to give warmth, love & attention to their child(ren), isn't that the main issue? If, for example, a mother who is miserable staying at home, even though it means her child(ren) are seeing her every waking hour, how can that benefit the children? Surely it's better that the time she gives to the children be the best possible, when she's feeling fulfilled & content, even if tired?

If you will be a happier person staying at home then do it. If you will be happier working, then stay in your job. A happy mother makes for happy children. No child wants an unhappy Mum.

sorry, that was badly written. too much sahm!

thank you for putting it so succintly!