Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

I'm a bit miffed about being accused of regressing and being infantilized! Not to mention that fact that apparently people will keel over stone dead with boredom at parties when I try to tell them how I made egg box crocodiles with the children that morning.

who is pierce morgan?

It was the "pretty little heads" remark satine, I was just being facetious, no offence meant.

I actually think people do enjoy when I talk about dd's constipation at parties

oh and that SAHMs are leeches
and oppressed like women under the Taliban
and must beg to buy a new dress

that was a bit cross making too

Um, well I am not quite sure how that justifies poppets remark.

But if I am alone in thinking that is horrendous fair enough.

I don't go to parties, I am too uptight to leave my children

but if I did I would talk about my children, because they are fascinating and wonderful and funny

and hope to God I didn't get stuck talking to some garrulous overconfident harridan who doesn't know that droning on all night about her big job at the bank is boring for everyone else

Poppet, your philosophies on working mothers' sources of guilt make Freud look cutting edge.

I think you are projecting your own guilt onto those of us who don't actually suffer the same fate.

I'm not necessarily trying to justify her remarks, I was just a bit taken aback at a few of the comments aimed at her -
"she's clearly not bright enough to make that leap. my advice - we should stop trying"
"You are annoying and silly"
Grown up debate?

And in answer to the OP.... no way would up £250,000 a year. Unfortunately, I'll never be in a position to have to make that decision.

I see what you mean. But I think plenty of people go shirty with Xenia after some her choice remarks, so it is not surprising to me that people also got shirty with poppet too.

Both working and non working mums are a little defensive, not surprisingly!

of her choice remarks

and delete that 'too' at the end!

Ta

little scarer, I thought it was horrendous too.

Oh... Peahead had a pop at poppet. Lovely.

Very much agree FOTM.

You did say you are a single parent eh? One of the good things about that is being admired for coping!

Thanks franca.

At the risk of being shot down in flames (my unimaginative moniker isn't going to help on that front, I suspect), I just wanted to say that, as someone who spends far too long agonising over whether they're making the right choices, it's actually quite nice to see that so many of you are really convinced by and happy with the choices you've made (either to work or to stay at home).

Misosoup - good luck with choosing. Hope it all works out for you, whatever you decide to do.

Haven't read the whole lot, but my radical suggestion misosoup is:

HAVE ANOTHER BABY.

A year at home with your kids (keep the nanny on parttime) will help you decide whether it's for you or not!

The thread interestingly shows different views that women have, that's all and a bit of a gulf of understanding between some but not all. I don't understand the need or desire to be with under 5s 24/7 although I loved having them. Other mothers can't understand why bother having 5 children if you're then out at work Monday - Friday and only see them in the morning and evening. I don't think it's all or nothing and as someone said below it's not as if they have a single conscious memory below 5 so it's for the mother's benefit, not the child's (as long as the care parents arrange is adequate).

Being home may infantalise parents - I'm not sure. I'd never thought about that. In some ways it gives some a domain in which they can rule and in a sense if they're respected as mothers by their men they have their power and satisfaction there just as some househusbands enjoy that role too. It wouldn't be for me however.

I was just putting one side, that's all. I would not enjoy being financially dependent on a man but that may say more about me than anyone else. The poster who mentioned her pride in her mother as a GP... my older children do seem to delight in my career in lots of ways. It's been an interesting part of family life from which I can't see anyone as having suffered so it was a wise choice. Also the older 3 are at university so I'm seeing the results into adulthood so may have a different perspective from those who still have under 5s. On my divorce things would have been horrendous if I hadn't continued to work although that alone is not a reason to work.

Someone's other point about whether the children will be cross at a parent who changes jobs or leaves work to something low paid and that includes children of City workers where the parent goes off to retrain as a vicar, the parents who drag the children off to Scottish islands etc.. you just have to do what feels right for you. My divorce has (in our well off terms crippled our family, the children and me (not their father who got the money) but it was the right things for this family and worth the price to ensure we weren't living in an abusive environment any more. So a man who is unhappy at work - his wife who works should let him make the same choices women seem to take for granted and then don't give to their poor over burdened husbands. So let's ensure it's fair.

whoah, poppet, you are so mistaken to assume that all working parents have two cars, large house, foreign hols etc.

It makes me very sad to think that anyone thinks that.

DH and I have racked our brains to imagine how we could afford to give up work to spend time with the dcs. we live in a 2 bed flat in the cheapest area we can, we have one car, one camping holiday a year, and shop at lidl/asda/morrisons. up till recently we had huge debts, and seemed to have been permanently on the brink of bankruptcy for years.

the only option we could think of was to both give up work, put ourselves on the council housing list and go onto benefits. then we would both be able to look after the kids. we were seriously tempted, just to spend time with dds. Is that the correct course of action in your rulebook?

i think this is possibly the worst thing I have ever seen on mumsnet, and i think you should be ashamed of yourself.

Are you still with us, misosoup
Huge respect to everyone who has given their views so coherently - what a lot of sparky and intelligent people use this site.

And as to the original question, I have a feeling that, since you are considering it this carefully,you will come round to the idea of stopping working. I am the other sort: when I return to work (currently on mat leave) I will break even plus a little bit of money left over. Don't care if any wants to crap on my decision, I'm the only one who knows me well enough to see that this is the right thing for me and my family at the moment. And you know the same for you. I look forward to following your story, best of luck.