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Original poster

Offered a fantastic new job but desperate to start trying for a baby!!

24 replies

gossipgirl81 · 08/01/2015 21:12

I hope you can help, I've been offered a good job with a great company. I really want to take the job and work hard at it and give it my all, however my husband and I are desperate to try for a baby, we don't have any children. I'm 35 and he is 40 and we don't want to wait much longer as we aren't getting any younger!
I've already bought the clearblue digital fertility monitor so that we can start trying. The worst case scenario is that I start the job and get pregnant a week later, I don't know what to do.
My dream is to be a mother but I don't want to have to sacrifice a good job either. I suppose I am worried that if I do get pregnant soon, then my employer will be annoyed and will find some way of getting rid of me in the probation period.
What should I do? Has anyone been in this position? Can you have both, the baby and the job?

OP posts:

IrenetheQuaint · 08/01/2015 21:16

Actually I'd have thought that the worse case scenario is that you turn down the job and then can't get pregnant!

Do you know when the maternity benefits kick in?

Granadilla · 08/01/2015 21:23

I'm currently reading Sheryl Sandburg's Lean In. I bet she would tell you to take the job. Her argument being that if you are doing a job you love you are more likely to go back to it after maternity leave and stay engaged at work.

I agree, but in reality you might want to think whether if you get pregnant soon will you qualify for maternity pay.

Legally your employer can't get rid of you for being pregnant, but there are ways they can. If they are a good employer they will understand that maternity leave is a short time in your whole career. Is it possible to talk about it with your potential employer about your plans? At 35 it might not be a surprise to them. you

JustAnotherControlFreak · 08/01/2015 21:25

Take the job!

MarshaBrady · 08/01/2015 21:26

Take the job.

YonicSleighdriver · 08/01/2015 21:27

Take the job!

Consider taking a couple of months off TTC (get used to the fertility monitor and use condoms) so you don't start pregnant but yes, take the job and TTC

tethersend · 08/01/2015 21:30

Would your husband be having this dilemma?

No.

Take the job.

GlitteryLipgloss · 08/01/2015 21:54

I was in your position three months ago! I took the job! And you should too!

I'm still trying for a baby so I am glad I took the job! (I am 31)

Nolim · 09/01/2015 07:11

Agree. Take the job, wait for the benefits to kick in and get started with the baby making. If you employer gets annoyed that you have a life and a family then it is not the right employer for you.

BeeInYourBonnet · 09/01/2015 07:15

Take the job. I had a member of staff start 10 years ago and one month after she started she announced she was pg. She is still working with us 10y later and is one of my most valued team members. Maternity leave is such a short time in a career.

MuttonCadet · 09/01/2015 07:17

Take the job, I hired a woman who told me she was pregnant before accepting the job, she was the best worker I had and I never regretted employing her.

tomatoplantproject · 09/01/2015 07:17

Take the job.

Andcake · 09/01/2015 07:25

Take the job - you don't know how long it will take to get pregnant. Also look into how long you have to have been working somewhere to have statutory mat rights kick in - I have a memory of maybe 18 weeks but I could easily be wrong. Then maybe just wait 3 months to start ttc.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 09/01/2015 07:47

Take the job. You don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant. It can take a few years and 35 is an age where it may or may not happen.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 09/01/2015 07:57

The qualifying period for smp is having worked for the same employer for 26 weeks continually before your qualifying week which is 15 weeks before your due date. Basically you need to have started there at least three weeks before you conceive.
Do take it if you want it. I was in that position at 35. Was offered permanent ft job with good perspectives after faffing about working round kids needs. At that time we decided to have DC4. I had no doubt within a year I would hold my baby in my arms. Had worked before. I did have her at 40 after some intervention.
Still mildly annoyed I turned the job down - recession happened....

flowery · 09/01/2015 08:41

So you are thinking of turning down what sounds like your dream job just in case you get pregnant very quickly?

Take the job. Although hopefully it won't take you long to conceive, it's fairly unusual to get pregnant straightaway anyway. If the worst case scenario for you is getting pregnant a week after you start, wait a month before trying just in case. But don't turn down a job based on the unlikely scenario you'll be pregnant straightaway, when it could be months.

Probationary periods are completely meaningless in law by the way. it's just as easy for an employer to terminate employment 18 months in as it is 3 months in, and regardless of when you do it, terminating the employment of a pregnant woman is an incredibly risky thing to do. Most employers wouldn't do it, unless they had cast iron proof of something completely outrageous that meant it was crystal clear to anyone that the pregnancy had nothing to do with it.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 09/01/2015 08:44

Take the job!

eurochick · 09/01/2015 08:46

Take the job. I turned away a number of headhunters when I was ttc. In the end although we started when I was 34, I didn't have my baby until I was 38. I wish I had pursued some of those opportunities! I hope it won't take you as long, but getting pg straight away is not a certainty and even if you did get lucky quickly, you would have the best part of a year in the new job before mat leave.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 09/01/2015 08:47

Take the job.

Then I'd wait a couple of months before we stopped using any contraception.

Good luck with both!

SolomanDaisy · 09/01/2015 08:49

TTC may take years. This is a complete no brained - take the job, hope you get pregnant quickly.

FishWithABicycle · 09/01/2015 08:57

Definitely take the job. Consider waiting a month after starting the job before ttc. It's true that you need to be not pregnant the day that you start a job in order to get maternity benefits but remember that pregnancy is dated from the first day of your last period so if you are immensely lucky with ttc and you happen to ovulate a couple of days after starting the new job and get pg, you will be considered to have been pg before you started, even though you weren't.

Original poster

gossipgirl81 · 09/01/2015 19:23

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply, you have really helped, I'm going to take the job and keep ttc at the same time, I actually got the peak fertility result on the Clearblue ovulation test today.
At my age, I don't really want to hold off anymore, I held off from trying all last year because my partner wasn't ready, now he finally is, so would be such a shame to have to hold off for another 6 months.

OP posts:

Schweetheart · 09/01/2015 19:27

Take the job. Much harder IMO to go for promotions, new roles etc after you've had children.

maggiethemagpie · 09/01/2015 21:20

Both times I got pregnant it was a few months after starting a new job. No biggie. No one batted an eyelid. It actually gives you more employment protection during the period where your employment rights don't usually kick in (ie the first two years). So it's not a bad thing.
What exactly is it you're worried about? Even if you get pregnant straight away you'll still be working there for a 6-8 month period before you off on mat leave.

Working women of childbearing age sometimes get pregnant. Most enlightened employers acknowledge and understand this.

Nutellalover4 · 10/01/2016 17:14

I have been struggling with the same situation..after reading this things seem easier. Thank you for posting!

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