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Original poster

Employing a nanny - advice needed

80 replies

Sheila · 05/04/2002 15:46

I've recently become a single parent and have decided I need to return to full-time work (I work 2 days at the moment) so that I can be as financially independent as possible. To that end I start a new job in October that means a move out of London to Cambridge. Ds (aged 2) goes to nursery at the moment but I think since I'll be on my own and working full-time I'll need the flexibility of a daily nanny (no need to get him out of the house in the morning, less time off for sickness etc). BUT, I've always been very wary of employing a nanny, due to hearing horror stories of neglect, and from seeing some very disinterested nannies at 1 o clock clubs. I suspect I may be an anxious employer!

So, my questions are these: how have those of you with full-time nannies found the experience and do you have any tips for finding the right person? Has anyone had to make this transition (from part-time to full-time work, nursery to nanny) or anything like it? It's going to be a hard time for both of us I think. On a more practical note, can anyone recommend an agency in Cambridge?

Many, many thanks in advance for all info.

OP posts:
babyburp · 25/02/2003 19:02

On my own at night? Only means if there is an intruder in the house - I HAVE to deal with it! Where is Richard Hillman when you need him!!

I am trying to say, I am not a S maniac!! Only I dont sleep too well with DH not around to karate chop anyone.

sed · 26/02/2003 09:22

Crunchie - I think you are giving your nanny loads of notice (and she will be half-expecting it anyway).

However, have you considered keeping her on just for a short while after school starts? My two had always had a nanny, and were very atached to her. It was a big enough wrench for them having to handle all the going-to-school stuff without saying goodbye to her at the same time. In addition, they started off just going to school for mornings only, needed time to settle in first thing (which mums or carers were allowed to stay for) and I really needed to be able to walk into work as usual knowing that they were in happy and safe hands rather than being dropped off in the playground. The continuity which came from keeping her on just till half term was fantastic and well worth the money. (and she still did their laundry, sewed name tapes, made packed lunches etc)

Did anyone else do this while their children settled in?

Crunchie · 26/02/2003 09:23

Katyw, I discussed this with my nanny tonight, and her only comment was 'sack her'!! Any decent nanny would do what you want, you are paying her. I kind of get the sense that this is what you want to do, and just want us on mumsnet to agree to make you feel better - sacking someone is no fun. So if it makes you feel better, even a nanny agrees that she is not doing an accecptable job and perhaps is suited to a different family blah, blah, blah!

Kaz33, yes I was being tongue in cheek, forgot the smilie :D

As it is she said that January is not always great to find a new job, and she may need to leave before!! Oh well lets wait and see, I know she won't let me down overall. I always feel guilty as I know her friends get paid more and we can't afford to match it, so I joke that she could go whenever she liked if she found a better job, this makes me feel less guilty!

Crunchie · 26/02/2003 09:26

Sed our posts crossed! She is already going to the village pre-school, so by Jan next year she will be doing some full days anyway and al her friends will be with her. Thanks for the concern, I am more worried that my dh maybe doing panto in Jan next year and will be working non-stop, making things moe complicated! By hey it's 10 months away. I've told her to start sucking up to pregnant people!!

Jimjams · 26/02/2003 09:28

Me neither babyburp- I like a big strong man in the house- or failing that dh will do

I think that feeling you've described is very common. I know of several women who have gone back to work after baby 1- not enjoyed it- and then used baby 2 (and usually the cost of childcare) as an excuse to give up. I suspect a lot of pressure to return comes from friends as well. I know a lot of College friends are horrified that I'm a SAHM. If we didn't have ds1 I think I would be looking to return to work PT next year, but really it's not possible. I don't really have any regrets about that though. I suppose at the end of the day we all make our own choices (which suit our own circumstances) and shouldn't have to explain them to anyone.

bells2 · 26/02/2003 09:34

I have told a couple of friends about my decision to leave work and they have all said "But what will you do?". I find it amazing that people don't seem to register that looking after children tends to be quite time consuming!.

Lil · 26/02/2003 10:36

Congrats Bells, I can't believe you're preggers again so soon. Does time pass quicker on this parallel universe they call a website ! I can remember when you announced the arrival of last baby-Bell. How exciting.

Good for you being SAHM. I think its a mind set once you're into being at home, you slow down and appreciate the important things in life.

Having said that I only went down to 3 days but I am taking the excuse that I will leave work next September when DS1 goes to school. The thought of juggling all those holidays and early pick-ups...I'd hate to see my son bounce from child minder to friend to neighbour etc. Problem is no way we can then afford private school - has anyone else made that pay-off decision???? am finding it hard to convince my family I'm not being selfish about this.

bells2 · 26/02/2003 10:40

Thanks Lil. Unless I'm mistaken, you live in an area which has very good state schools don't you?. Doesn't sound much of a trade off to me.

elliott · 26/02/2003 10:42

kaz33, bells2, I also had quite a lot of pressure from my mum about the importance of a career and achievement - I think she was always disappointed with hers/jealous of my dad (he was an academic, she was a school teacher). I think it had quite a complicated impact on my choices/decisions - one of them being that for a long time I didn't really think I wanted to have kids. How wrong I was!! I feel sooo much happier with my life (AND my work) now I am a mother. However, I really don't think I could hack being a SAHM - though I would also find working full time at a high powered city job pretty tough too. Don't know how I would choose if those were the alternatives - fortunately I am able to work pt with pretty civilised, flexible hours. Anyway I digress

elliott · 26/02/2003 10:45

bells2, I'm now racking my brains to think of female politicians with four adult children....

Lil · 26/02/2003 11:01

Bells our state school is the one in the news recently where those 2 boys got expelled for death threats to teachers Hey Ho!!

bells2 · 26/02/2003 11:03

Oh dear Lil. Sorry. Elliott, I'm an Aussie and so is my Mum!

Jimjams · 26/02/2003 11:32

lil you're not in Devon are you? (there seem to have been a whole host of death threats against teachers recently- coincidentally just been reading about it in the Indie)

elliott · 26/02/2003 11:40

Well that would be stretching my knowledge of politics too far....I'd say you're pretty safe there!!

Lil · 26/02/2003 11:44

No I'm in deepest Surrey. And I have this image of Devon being always sunny and happy, not death threat land at all! stereotypes eh!

Talking of sun, Bells what are you doing in rainy England, I would LOVE to emigrate to Oz. But no jobs for dh, although we checked...Sigh.

Jimjams · 26/02/2003 12:31

aaahh Surrey- just moved from kent. There was bit of a local case last year about a school in Torquay- a boy was reinstated after being expelled for death threats I think. Actually the day we moved into our new house we found that there had been a murder next door!!

kaz33 · 26/02/2003 13:23

Elliott- part time does sound like the best of both worlds, adult company and time with the kids.. That is the long term aim I think.

Its terrible parents expectations - I'd want mine to go off the rails and travel the world, do aid work, become jazz dancers ( don't ask ) but they'll probably end up as accountants. Aaaaargh !!!

Batters · 26/02/2003 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lil · 26/02/2003 13:48

Batters did you go to Rosebury's the all girl's school? that's got a great reputation, but sadly ds would have to wear a skirt!

bells2 · 26/02/2003 13:51

Call me mad Lil, but I absolutely love England.

sinclair · 26/02/2003 14:27

KatyW if you are still looking, I know of a fabulous nanny who is coming free. She nannies in S Bush at the moment but is looking in W London generally. She is expensive but has excellent references and is lovely with her charges. Get the techies to give you my email and we can chat offbaord if you are interested.

tigermoth · 26/02/2003 15:16

just to say, bells and Kaz, IME the swapping a career for a period as a SAHM is a wonderful, life enhancing thing to do. I mean this in terms of you, not your children, who have, I am sure recieved excellent care from others. But is just so nice to wake up on a Monday morning and not feel you have to be 'in work'. Lovely to be much more answerable to yourself, and not have to bend over backwards to meet other people's expectations and deadlines.

When I became a SAHM I decided to keep my 'housewifely' standards quite low - the house is tidy but not mega clean and I do some home cooking but do not inhabit the kitchen for more than the minimum time necessary. I have time off while the children are at school and nursery, and for some of that time I purposely don't work and enjoy myself. I feel totally fulfilled.

I have been a SAHM for a year or so. I am getting some freelance work now and possibly there's a job on the horizon. I am ready to go back to work, but will also miss my time at home so much.

kaz33 · 26/02/2003 15:23

Tigermoth - sounds great, your kids are how old? I'm certainly nervous about having a newborn and a 2 year old and I think Bells will have 3 under the age of 5. Even more scary !!

At the moment considering whether to let the cleaner go - if I do the flat will definitely be very low maintenance on the cleaning front.

tigermoth · 26/02/2003 15:42

KaZ, my children are now age 3 and 8 so admittedly need tjhere's less hands on care than a with 2 year old and a newborn. However I have no daytimes naps with my two and when you are in a quite house with children asleep it is bliss.

I think in your shoes I'd also investigate creche facilites at local leisure centres. Many take young babies for an hour or so. If your two are happy to be left there, you can build in some time off into your week. A swim can make all the difference!

bells2 · 26/02/2003 15:51

It's lovely to read such a positive account of your time at home Tigermoth. It is precisely the constant 'deadlines' that have made our lives intolerable. We have to both leave the house by 6.45am at the latest and I don't get home before 6.15pm. This gives me too short a time in which to enjoy being with my kids, put them to bed, cook dinner and get all my jobs done. For me one of the worst aspects of having a Nanny is that every night, I need to leave the kitchen as I found it. Oh what I would give to be able to leave the dishes until the morning sometimes let alone leave all the other mess. I dread Sunday nights as just when I'm depressed about going back to work, I always have to spend around 3 hours tidying everything up before our Nanny turns up. I guess we should just try and not make such a mess in the first place but it never seems to work out that way.

Best of luck with your job.