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Original poster

No, I don't want to go part-time.

27 replies

Alwaysinahurrynow · 01/12/2014 08:43

Am I the only one who gets fed up with constant assumption that now I've got children, I will want to go part-time at work?

I appreciate that lots of women do want to go part-time or need to for various reasons and I appreciate being able to start earlier (7:30) so I can leave a bit earlier (4:30ish) to see my children and then be able to pick up work in the evening, but the questioning about whether I'm going part-time, plus shocked faces when I say no, is driving me up the wall.

It's got to the point where I am a) questioning whether I'm normal to want to work full-time with children and b) whether the fact that this is effectively hindering my career in any case as people seem to assume that I will want to reduce my hours and so will treat me accordingly?

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 01/12/2014 08:45

Nope yanbu. I started a thread to vent my frustration that the assumption as far as I see it is once women have children they'll get a nice little part time job. Nothing too taxing

CharlesRyder · 01/12/2014 08:57

I'd love to pursue my career, for which I am highly trained, but I love giving DS the security of me doing the school run everyday and him rarely needing to be in afterschool club more- so I can't.

Choices you make, each to their own and all that.

Luck you that you can afford/ have someone else to do wraparound?

Stealthpolarbear · 01/12/2014 09:19

Completely agree everyone should make their choices. What gets to me is the assumption

CMOTDibbler · 01/12/2014 09:32

Not all jobs work as part time - mine would mean that I had exactly the same amount of work in less paid hours, and as I travel for work I'd have needed to pay for ft childcare (no family help at all) anyway.

Original poster
Alwaysinahurrynow · 01/12/2014 09:36

I definitely appreciate being able to have the choice to return to work and as I said I understand that this is not available to everyone.

It's just that there seems to be a generalised assumption that I won't go back full-time. No-one seems to ask my husband whether he is going to go part-time and as far as I'm concerned once mat leave/shared parental leave is over, there's no difference at all in the way men/women should be treated.

OP posts:
Mrscog · 01/12/2014 09:36

No, this would irritate me too. I am not a natural born parent - I get bored of doing the same building a tower over and over again, and fighting my toddler to get him dressed. FT work is a welcome relief, but when I went back I got a lot of 'gosh you're brave'. I thought - no you are! Looking after children is way harder than work. It means that the time I do spend with DS I have the patience to be a great parent, but people more adept at doing activities with young children give him what he needs day in day out. If we were at home he would be watching a lot of TV!

PrincessOfChina · 01/12/2014 09:40

I agree. I'm pregnant with DC2 and currently work full time. My boss said to me the other day "I presume you'll have to come back part time this time". I said no, until DH also goes part time, I won't be.

Soveryupset · 01/12/2014 12:56

I have done it all, SAHM, WOHM, worked full time, worked from home and worked part time. There isn't an easy or magic solution for a balanced life and circumstances change a lot within a child's 18 years or so. If you have two or more even longer!

I have come across judgemental attitudes from a small minority every time I have done any of the above, to be honest. There is always someone who has a chip on their shoulder and wants to have a go.

I have been back full time for a small number of years now and frankly haven't had anyone comment - or if they have I haven't even noticed. At work nobody even knows I have children, unless they ask. My boss never mentions my children or the fact I am a mum and has no prejudices in this respect.

Original poster
Alwaysinahurrynow · 01/12/2014 13:06

Might be being a bit slow, but what's WOHM?

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 01/12/2014 13:12

Working outside home mum

DuelingFanjo · 01/12/2014 13:19

From my Ante-natal group I think I was the only person to go back full time. It meant I lost touch with them because they would use their days off to meet up when I couldn't (Not blaming them - it was just different for me). It was then that I realised that many people do have husbands in very well paid jobs and can afford to lose a day or two each week.

Also got comments from well meaning, but annoying, people who were 'surprised' I was back full time or who asked my husband why I wasn't dropping a day. there was never any question that HE might drop a day.

I found that the most offensive thing.

DuelingFanjo · 01/12/2014 13:20

Mind you - having said that I will probably compress my hours (In my very normal bog standard underpaid job) when he starts school so that I can pick him up - and DH will probably do the same.

17thOct · 01/12/2014 22:54

Soveryupset - interested to hear which of all your various experiences you preferred - if you happen to still be reading this?

Soveryupset · 02/12/2014 19:53

Hi 17th oct... I agonised over each decision and each one had its plus and minus points. SAHM was lovely with a baby but hard work and a bit depressing for me long term. Also as I earned /earn the same as my Dh, missing half the family income was tough - even though I did have some other income so was never dependent financially.
I would say working part time was ok but for a professional job hellish to juggle so whilst it worked when the children were little, long term it started to stress me out!

Working full time from home was the best overall in terms of career fulfilment and flexibility around school children, although I do miss getting out of the house and socialising with colleagues.

So none of it is ideal or perfect but you make the best of what you have!!! X

Soveryupset · 03/12/2014 11:24

PS Apologies for all the typos, I was on my phone!

In retrospect, taking time off to spend with your children was a great thing to do, but I am really pleased I went back to earning. In the years I have seen some good friends fall into the trap of being financially dependent on their husbands and having a terrible time - either not being able to get out of very unhappy, in some cases abusive relationships (weren't abusive to start with, but became so after many years), or walking out and enduring real hardship.

I love my husband to bits and probably will end up my days with him, but you can never vouch for what goes on is someone's head. There are no guarantees and I have always set myself up to be financially independent one way or another, just in case. It is definitely the advice I will be giving my daughters when they grow up (which they will probably ignore!!!)

misog2000 · 03/12/2014 11:34

I will be going back full time when my daughter is 4 months old, my job is not one you could job share even if I wanted to (which I dont) and I earn a lot more than my husband so if either of us were to go part time it would be him! My mum worked full time when my sister and I were kids as she was the main breadwinner and it taught us not to buy into the stereotype of being kept by your husband cause he earns more. I hope to do the same for my daughter.

Romann · 05/12/2014 22:11

Yes OP , very annoying. People often ask me whether I'm working. No one ever ever asks DH that question.

Nolim · 06/01/2015 05:13

I totally agree with this post. When i was preparing to return to work people would ask how many days. When i said full time they would follow up with something like "doesn't your employer allows you to go back part time"? I have no idea as i never explored that option. I enjoy my work and i am the primary breadwinner in my family but no one asks DH if he is going to work part time.

cheminotte · 08/01/2015 08:33

Like sovery I've tried several options. I enjoyed having a day with dc when I was part time, but was amazed how being full time I was a lot less stressed as work and felt like I was taken more seriously. It may have helped that it was a new job and most people did not even know I had kids.

Sundayplease · 08/01/2015 08:38

Working part-time is really frowned upon in my job so that has not been an issue for me. Some colleagues have asked to return part-time but been refused.

Sundayplease · 08/01/2015 08:40

Mind you, I was on my knees for several years working full-time and don't know how I did it looking back. I think it had a detrimental effect on my family.

Original poster
Alwaysinahurrynow · 08/01/2015 09:29

I'm lucky enough to be able to pay for a cleaner and am seriously considering getting a nanny to reduce my stress levels and be able to spend more time focussing on the babies when I get home, so I'm hoping that I won't be stressed about home as well as work. I admire anyone who works full-time and does not have any help at home.

OP posts:
Norfolkandchance1234 · 08/01/2015 09:48

When I work full time I have to get a cleaner once a fortnight otherwise I can't cope, it is the main thing that causes me stress. When I do work part time the DC's just want to watch TV etc. So at least when I'm full time they are busy being creative and socialising at after school club. Meal planning is a pain though.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 08/01/2015 09:49

Some full time jobs with a longer commute have brought me to my knees with sheer exhaustion.

blueshoes · 08/01/2015 10:03

Having done pt and ft work, ft work is far more satisfying and you get more respect and engagement from your boss and colleagues, plus the ability to go for promotions. Not that you can't progress pt but it will be quite an enlightened company or one with no one else ft credibly competing for that role.

I applaud the OP for going back ft. I am not from the UK. In the country I was born, most women went back to work ft and no eye brows are raised. It is the UK that is so fixated on pt working after children, often to the long term detriment of women's career advancement. There are far more women in senior positions where I was from than in the UK and the UK is significantly more enlightened in terms of attitudes to women. I think pt working after children has something to do with that.