Girl at work who keeps isolating/bullying me -how to handle?

[Onionpeeler]

I've been in my current job for 5 years now, started at the same time as this other girl. We trained together. I did pretty well on the training, she struggled. I only add that in as a guess as to why she's been absolutely awful to me since then.

Unfortunately I sit opposite (diagonally) from her and so we spend hours of the day in each other's eyeline. She talks to other people, always texting other people in the office, calling them up when she's not in, but will barely even look at me. When I talk to her, she'll talk back through gritted teeth. If I come into the office and she's already there, her whole body stiffens and she'll go stony silent for hours.

The other problem is, if she sees me talking/making friends with other people, she'll start being friendly to them and sort of get them under her control, so they end up being mates with her. She's isolating me.

Has anyone got any idea on how to cope with this situation?? I've spoken to my line manager about it who tells me to just carry on doing my job regardless but it makes my days miserable having to put up with this behaviour. He says maybe she's jealous because I did better in the training. But 5 years on and she still bears a grudge??? She is very up the manager's you know what. Other people in the office either can't see what's going on or just turn a blind eye to it.

WHAT am I going to do?? I could leave my job but why the hell should I???

Please Mumsnetters, any advice gratefully received!!

Onion peeler, I feel your pain as there are a couple of people like that in my office and I'm on the receiving end.

It helped me to know about passive aggressive behaviour. Google it and inform yourself of typical tactics they use and how to deal with it.

Don't engage and if you do, keep it factual. Try to have a witness when you talk to them. Don't lose your rag. Vent to your friends or at home if you need to let off steam.

Other people will be wise to her if it's an open office. One of my colleagues will always try to monopolise others in a way similar to how you describe, to 'isolate' you. However I don't give a monkeys and get on with everyone regardless. This is playground behaviour and not worth your notice. If you find yourself feeling lonely or got at or angry, remind yourself that these are her problems not yours, take deep breaths and find your serenity. Sometimes if It's a bad day and the two ugly sisters at my place are being particularly p.a., I plug in to music that sooths me, ring a friend for support or go for lunch with a lovely colleague.

Thanks Confusedd.

I just don't understand why me. I don't think there's any reasoning with her. It's so unfair. I will lo

... look up about passive aggressive behaviour.

Thanks for a lovely reply, I'll refer back to it when I have to deal with her again - got two lovely weeks off for Easter so can relax for a bit!

x

Hi,

I left my job 4 years ago (after 12 years service) due to similar behaviour from a woman at work. I still to this day do not know why she isolated me. It started when we returned from maternity leave 6 years ago, I was already part time (had an older son) and she came back full time. She had the choice to come back part time but her partner was a bit useless (in and out of jobs) so she had no choice to return FT. I guess it was jealousy.
I hate the job I am in now (I am qualified to specialist level so it is hard to find somewhere else) and have been unhappy since I left my 'perfect job'. I always felt like my old colleagues thought I was imagining it but I wasn't...constantly ignored etc. It was awful and she got away with it (my old manager is still unaware).

Hi Onion,

Cant really add anything extra to what's been said apart from the fact that people who behave like your colleague are probably jealous of you in some way.

Maybe she perceives you to be prettier, more efficient, more competent than she is. She is behaving like she is because she can't equal you in some field. This is her problem, not yours.

It's easy for me to say don't let it bother you. In real life actions like hers are cruel and hurtful. Don't give up on her - keep chatting and smiling, others will notice her frostiness and see her for what she is.

I've changed jobs and am earning more money and much happier in my job! So it turned out ok but I don't feel I could have done much about the situation.

I didn't see this thread when you first posted, but congratulations on your new job. It sounds like the best possible outcome under the circumstances.

Think of it this way: yes, you shouldn't have had to leave your job, but you could, and found a good one. She, on the other hand, struggled in that job (and sounded very slack), so couldn't find another job.

Think of it this way. She forced your hand. She is a bully but she didn't win. You did. You got a better job, more pay and you don't have to see her ever again.

You did the right thing. You walked off, head held high.

The best revenge is living well.

Unfortunately, she is never going to live well because she is the sort of person who is riddled with pettiness.

Enjoy and relish your new job. All power to you.

What a happy ending this problem. I am so pleased for you.
Currently in a situation like your original one. However you have reminded me that things can and will improve. Thank you!!