Single, female causing me problems

[bordellosboheme]

I have been back from ml for 1 year. Ever since I have come back, my colleague has been causing me problems, and I sense she resents the flexibility the job offers me, as she cannot / does not want to take advantage of this. She is also trying to undermine me to the team leader. How can I deal with this. I feel she is resentful and projecting her own issues on to me. Please help!!

What problems is she causing, what's she actually doing?

I'm going to assume her marital status and gender are not relevant...

Yes, what's she doing and why do you think it is her sex and marital status?

Maybe op thinks she is jealous.

She has always complained about me going part time, has stopped doing the admin work she did to 'help' me before I went away, sent me an email saying we needed a chat, she was going to drop more stuff....

I only mentioned her status because I don't think she is very sympathetic of the need for flexible family working, and in her 40s and single, I wonder if she feels she's missed the boat (I could be totally wrong). She puts in minimum effort on the group projects were involved in and even though I'm more senior, she often refuses to do things I ask her to, whilst also taking decisions that our line manager should really be making!

What do you mean she did admin to 'help' you - you mean she did stuff that was previously your job? If so, you need to sort that with a manager. She isn't obliged to do stuff outside her own role indefinitely. Maybe the time you were off (when presumably someone was covering or your tasks were split up?) made her realise that she didn't want to do 'something for nothing' any longer? I think that sounds pretty reasonable.

The other things don't sound much to do with you being part time. If you are her manager (as opposed to diagonally more senior) then you need to manage her. If not, it is something for her manager to deal with so maybe you need to speak to him/her?

I don't think speculating about her motives or family situation is likely to help improve matters TBH.

Penguins, her role description is to do the admin for my lecturing role, in a university, that's what I meant by 'help' me. It's actually in her job description.

You're right, I shouldn't speculate about her personal circumstances. I just feel that she is discriminating on the basis of mine iyswim

I think you need to reformulate the question as 'how do I manage a difficult colleague'. And a lot will depend on whether you have any line management authority over her or not.

I think you need to reformulate the question as 'how do I manage a difficult colleague'. And a lot will depend on whether you have any line management authority over her or not.

I think you need to reformulate the question as 'how do I manage a difficult colleague'. And a lot will depend on whether you have any line management authority over her or not.

Sorry. Our wi fi had a moment there.

That's nothing to do with her being female, 40s and childless. She's just being difficult, but you might be right she's discriminating against you.

I'm 40s, childless and single, but I still appreciate the flexibility in my job, because I also have a life outside work. I may not have to worry about childcare, but I also have no one else to take a share of running my life and doing things like getting the car to the garage . So I'd be surprised if she could never use any flexibility - I don't know any working people who don't also have a life outside work.

I think in general, try to be disarmingly nice to her. I do say that because in the past I have had conflict with known-to-be-tricky work colleagues that has caused me no end of trouble and it might have been easier to go down this route.

However, if she says something direct then maybe it needs a direct challenge:

"oh well you're never here from one day to the next"
"Andrea, i am getting the impression that you have an issue with my part time working contract. I am not here on Wednesdays and Fridays because I am not paid for those days, which is something that has been agreed by X senior person and Y senior person and HR. Now, can we talk about the work you are doing on project B?"

I'd probably cut the first sentence about getting the impression she has a problem with you being part time, and just state the facts. I might emphasise it's the same days every week, which makes it easier to work round. If she goes on making comments about you never being around, I'd say that we'd already confirmed she knows which days you work, and that's when I'd say that she seems to have a problem with it, and it's starting to get in the way of the project progressing.

But it might just be me.

So, you are a lecturer and she is one of the admin staff employed to help lecturers?

I am a lecturer too, and from my reading of the situation in my unit, there are very specific reasons why the admin staff are unhelpful towards some lecturers. The lecturers they don't like mostly treat them like scum, making unreasonable demands and being extremely nit-picky, e.g. checking over their work as if they are incapable of doing it on their own. IMHO this often comes from intellectual snobbery on the part of the lecturer.

BUT I know far from all the details about your situation - or even if the set up at my unit is similar to yours. I may have totally misread the situation so ignore me if I have.