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Original poster

Other mums returning to work full time- want to support each other?

476 replies

Tweet2tweet · 29/12/2013 21:52

I just wondered if there are any other mums returning to work full time in the next few months who want to start a support thread? I am and I'm feeling really anxious. I'm also fed up at the shocked looks I get when I say I'm going back full time. It's not a choice but a necessity.

So anyone want to join and we can talk about how we are feeling and give some virtual hugs when needed?

OP posts:
MrsBucketxx · 29/01/2014 19:42

Going back to work soon and feeling awfull about it I cant afford full time nursery for both children and I will have to switch to a cm for both.

Really worried about it tbh. I want them to be stimulated and happy and im feeling a sense of dread uuurrgghhh why is this so hard.

EagleRay · 29/01/2014 21:13

Don't complain, don't explain, and DEFINITELY don't fall asleep in meetings

I'll get me coat Blush

EagleRay · 29/01/2014 21:24

Am on week three of returning to work full time and things are going fairly well, apart from nodding off in an incredibly boring meeting today (am mortified as it was spotted by pretty much everyone else in the room, but they all acknowledged the meeting was dull!). I've also had a stomach bug today and yesterday, which has left me wiped out.

MrsBucketxx sorry you're having to rearrange childcare for your DC. I use a mixture of nursery and CM for DD as the nursery didn't have space 5 days a week. I can see a difference in the types of care offered, but the CM I use runs things a little bit like a mini nursery (dedicated play rooms in her house, hires an assistant, wears a uniform etc etc). Certainly have no issues with the amount of stimulation DD gets at CM, but then she's only 12mo and think a slightly quieter environment is quite nice for her some of the time. Could you look into splitting the childcare so that they go to nursery still 1 or 2 days a week? DD hasn't batted an eyelid at the mixture of care, and it's nice to have the extra security of two options as don't have much of a support network.

Well done on the job MalcolmTucker! Sounds like your DD will settle into childcare just fine.

MrsBucketxx · 30/01/2014 07:28

It just doesn't stack up financially, to keep ds in nursery.

Going to be ringing round today, wish me luck.

catellington · 02/02/2014 17:21

Joining, glad I found this thread. Been working ft since sep, and three days before that for several months, and household is just about at breaking point Sad

PhoneSexWithMalcolmTucker · 02/02/2014 17:33

cat Thanks for you. And Wine.

Thanks for all the kind words so far, everyone. I think I've found a childminder and the wheels are in motion to get a start date for work...just want to start now, it feels weird just waiting around.

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 03/02/2014 22:05

I'm due back next month, it's come around so quickly. I don't feel bad about returning to work as such but I feel quite sad about losing the precious time I have with my youngest. I've convinced myself that a distance may grow.
Please someone come on and reassure that won't happen. Yes I know I'm being daft, but just feeling bit emotional about it all Sad

OP posts:
kiwikaterpillar · 04/02/2014 03:25

Just survived the first two days back at the office. I have made a real effort to be positive to everyone about being back ( although did put one colleague in their place when he asked how it felt to abandon my daughter). DH has bought DD in to bf mid day as she just refuses the bottle and despite being early out and late back it has gone ok so far. Only issue was last night DD took a bit longer to settle and is a bit extra clingy. Hopefully things will continue to improve. I am quite tired but really enjoying bring at work (even surprised myself). One top tip take a spare change of clothes to work if you are bf. Found this out the hard way today when DD was sick all over me at lunch. Thankfully I didn't have any meetings this afternoon! Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Teatimetinny · 04/02/2014 16:18

Hi all, I've been a lurker on this thread for a while. It's beena great support to read all your stories - we mums have it hard eh? I've been doing 4 long days with 2 littles ones age 2 and 1, and an (unsupportive) dh who also does full time. We also both have a long commute. Recipe for disaster really.

I've found it really bad going back, the big surprise was how awful my office environment is. When I went back after dc1 I loved it, I was energised by the change of scene and I had no doubts that I was doing the right thing for myself and my child. This time round it's been just too hard to make it work. I haven't quit yet but I'm signed off sick for stress as I just couldn't keep everything going.

PhoneSexWithMalcolmTucker · 04/02/2014 23:27

Teatime that sounds hard :( Do you have any options e.g. change role/job/location (DH?)

Does anyone have experience of DC's behavioural response to a return to work? My 5yo DS has wet himself during the day five times in less than two weeks, after rarely ever doing so since being out of nappies. And DD (2yo) is a wildling beastie all of a sudden Hmm well, even more so than usual. Not sure whether these things are connected or just coincidence.

poppeb · 05/02/2014 11:41

I have read the whole thread and wanted to join in. I am returning to work soon after 12 months mat leave. I don't feel too bad about going back to work although I am a bit nervous of my baby going to nursery. he doesn't like strangers so it may take a while for him to settle.

I am returning full time as my casual request for four days wasn't welcomed by my line manager. I am not particularly happy with this but I have a lot of accrued annual leave to use up. I am planning to use this as cleverly as possible to reduce the number of five day weeks I have to work. My strategy involves asking to work three days for the first few weeks to ease back in to work, booking fridays off before the may bank holidays and when I book weeks off i will try to get the friday before and monday after off as well. I will also be booking the odd fridays and mondays off to fill in the gaps. I should be able to get through a good six months with this plan and only have to work a handful of five day weeks. I am then planning to put in a formal flexible working request as my line manager is leaving so the new one might be more open to it or try to get pregnant for baby 2.

I like the don't complain, don't explain advice although i might end up doing don't complain but explain anyway! must be strong!

I can't tell my collegues about my plans so I have been getting the sad face when they ask if I am coming back part time!

Is anyone else using accrued holidays in this way i haven't seen any mention of it on this thread?

PhoneSexWithMalcolmTucker · 05/02/2014 13:35

A friend did when she had to go back f/t poppeb - it worked well for her. I think she did several months of 4 day weeks.

poppeb · 05/02/2014 14:36

i don't want to ask for a day off every week as a formal thing as they don't seem to want me to do a part time position at the moment. i am hoping to book the days off in a more random fashion so its not too obvious what i am doing. i should then have some good evidence to back up a flexible working request.

Tiredemma · 05/02/2014 14:40

I have lurked for a few weeks but now have to 'join' the thread. Return to work on march 3rd after 7 lovely months off.

I am looking forward to getting back to work but equally anxious about chaos at home- getting out in the morning- getting back at a reasonable time at night so I have adequate work/life balance.

DD ill be going to nursery just around the corner.

poppeb · 05/02/2014 14:41

also looking at new work clothes. does anyone buy from M&S. i saw a dress which looks nice but don't want to look like a frump!

poppeb · 05/02/2014 14:46

tired i am worried about getting out on time in the morning. i catch the train so there is no room for error.

my baby will have to get up earlier than he is used to and i feel bad for him. suppose he will soon get used to the new routine.

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 05/02/2014 15:21

I asked to use some annual leave for half day once a week for first few months. Also, check out what public holidays you get and try to book Friday off before etc to maximise days off subtlety.

I bought a lot of new work clothes to make me feel refreshed and focused. The Jaeger online outlet has some great deals. I also searched the John Lewis sale, still stuff left under 'special offers' tab, lots of bargains left!

I return on the 3rd too Tiredemma, all seems to have come around so quickly.

OP posts:
poppeb · 05/02/2014 15:43

there are some amazing bargains on jl. will check out jaeger as well.

i will be booking the friday before bank holidays. i was going to say i was going away but now i am doing don't complain, don't explain i will just book it off with no reason given! easter and may bank holidays are giving us all quite a few four day weeks any way.

caz146 · 07/02/2014 12:49

I have read a lot of this thread (not all as it's huge!) and would like to join. I returned to work in Oct after 7 months mat leave, 5 days a week. Suddenly find myself struggling with the guilt of missing things / not being there to cuddle when poorly / etc.

But reading some of your posts has helped me, especially Scottishmummy and some others.

I think us full time workers need to remember that its not all happiness and smiles in the world of full time mummies. They probably have guilt about not having a career or earning any money.

I think we just need to remember that grass isn't always greener

But it would be nice to work a 3 or 4 day week if money / employer / role would allow :)

poppeb · 07/02/2014 13:23

if you can book both fridays off before the may bank holidays there is a good run of four day weeks to be had starting with easter. you will only need to do one five day week from mid april till end of may. giving us a taste of living the four day week dream!

this is the kind of thing i am looking to do to create a part time job initially at least. i know it can't last forever but my circumstances may change in the future anyway.

betty10k · 07/02/2014 13:43

Hello i'm a lurker and i've read most of the thread and have found it really interesting and helpful so i wanted to add a message. I went back to work last August full time when my son was 12 months old (because i have to to pay the bills and because there isn't the flexibility to go part-time or work from home etc). Even though i knew i had no choice I spent a lot of time worrying and cried the whole weekend before i went back to work and then walked in on Monday morning, sat at my desk and thought actually i can do this. I now find that the time i do have with my son is quality time not quantity, i don't think we actually had much quality time while i was on maternity leave as i was always rushing around trying to do the housework/cooking etc, thank goodness now we are both working full-time we can afford a cleaner as i absolutely hated cleaning the house constantly, this was unfortunately one of the reasons i didn't enjoy my maternity leave towards the end - how bad does that sound, but cleaning up after a baby who's learning to feed themselves and throws food everywhere was not fun for me and i found it quite stressful.

My son had quite a few trial sessions at nursery so i had thought he'd be settled by the time i went back to work but it didn't work out like that and he made it as difficult for me as he could - it was quite hot last Summer and he refused to eat and drink all day at nursery and then when we picked him up he'd snatch his beaker and guzzle it! He got over it after a few weeks but i was very impressed at how stubborn he was!! He would smirk when he was offered food or drink and push it away, so he knew what he was doing. Now he absolutely loves it there and on the odd occasion i get back from work before the nursery closes he is always excited to see me but isn't immediately keen to come home with me as he's having so much fun there.

poppeb - in answer to some of your questions/comments in your posts i have some work dresses from M&S and also Boden and John Lewis. We were in the same situation as you regarding catching a train and baby having to get up earlier than normal - he has adapted to it fine and now he's used to the 6.30am start - unfortunately this sometimes means he does the same at weekends but that's life. I'm amazed at the transformation in him in just 7 months. Good luck with it all. x

kate1516 · 12/02/2014 09:48

I am in the same position. I could go back to my current job part time but I know that it won't be part time... the amount of work I need to get done will be full time for most the year but I will be paid part time. It will also be unpredictable in terms of when I will be busy and where I need to work. So I think it might be better to work full time in a predictable job so am looking for new work.

I am finding the going back to work planning really hard. I would like to work maybe 20 hours and get to be with my son more but I am the main earner and so I have to work. I also think that when he is older, I will want to work and in my career, once you are out of it for a couple of years, it is quite hard to get back in. I am happy that I have found a great nursery and he is going to spend a day with Grandma and a day with Dad every week so he will be happy. Guess I just need to look at all the positives of working!

Tiredemma · 12/02/2014 09:57
Sad

Arranged DD's 'settling in' sessions at nursery yesterday for next week.

its now all very real.

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 12/02/2014 13:47

Kate, you and I have exactly the same childcare arrangements and I'm the main earner too. It's motivating to know there's someone out there with same set up.

It will be okay Tiredemma, settling in will be good for you dc, much better than just leaving them. Go with it and know you're doing the best you can.

OP posts:
YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 12/02/2014 16:20

I am newly pregnant and planning on 'working though' as I run my own business and its large enough I have to pay out a lot in salaries every month but too small to survive without me.

in some ways I think this will be easier as there wont be any going back to work after a prolonged leave. and I am sure many men don't want to go back to work after 2 weeks pl but they do and everyone survives.