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Original poster

Other mums returning to work full time- want to support each other?

476 replies

Tweet2tweet · 29/12/2013 21:52

I just wondered if there are any other mums returning to work full time in the next few months who want to start a support thread? I am and I'm feeling really anxious. I'm also fed up at the shocked looks I get when I say I'm going back full time. It's not a choice but a necessity.

So anyone want to join and we can talk about how we are feeling and give some virtual hugs when needed?

OP posts:
IceNoSlice · 15/01/2014 02:27

On the 'snot/weetabix/other yucky stuff on work clothes' point.

I have an old baggy jumper that I throw on over the top of work clothes for the drop off, then change to suit jacket and coat in the car park before work.

cheminotte · 15/01/2014 08:50

Even now - youngest age 3 - I still wear a dressing gown over my work clothes until 2 mins before leaving the house.

kalidasa · 15/01/2014 08:51

Yes re clothes I find that the traditional kitchen apron is v. useful if you need to give baby breakfast just before leaving/supper immediately after getting back. I've always had one for cooking but now put it on if anywhere in the vicinity of DS while dressed for work!

LauraBridges · 15/01/2014 09:58

mini, possibly the nanny might like a few nights a week of over time regularly and you extend the hours to 8pm those nights. Even if you both get home on those you will still have her help. Or perhaps it was just a bad week.

minipie · 15/01/2014 13:44

laura the trouble is I was at work till nearly midnight yesterday and that's not all that unusual in my job. Not sure why I thought that would suddenly change post maternity leave Confused. On the plus side, it's been easier for DH to get home for 7 than I had anticipated.

rubyflipper · 15/01/2014 16:38

Thank you for all the lovely words of encouragement!

Now that Monday is heading nearer I swing between excitement and panic at going straight into full-time work after years of being at home and having a v v part-time job that allowed me to do the school runs but paid peanuts.

I am batch cooking spaghetti bolognese as we speak; I've bought several uniform sets for DS and have done trial runs of the journey to work.

Grandparents have kindly agreed to step in for school pick-ups in case I get 'the call' from school. Let's hope both kids keep germ-free for a while!

rubyflipper · 15/01/2014 16:51

Thank you for all the lovely words of encouragement!

Now that Monday is heading nearer I swing between excitement and panic at going straight into full-time work after years of being at home and having a v v part-time job that allowed me to do the school runs but paid peanuts.

I am batch cooking spaghetti bolognese as we speak; I've bought several uniform sets for DS and have done trial runs of the journey to work.

Grandparents have kindly agreed to step in for school pick-ups in case I get 'the call' from school. Let's hope both kids keep germ-free for a while!

LauraBridges · 15/01/2014 17:18

mini, it's not easy. I know. I work for myself now but I remember the past and I expect my daughter will have the same issues when she and her husband have their first which will probably be in the next 1 -2 years. I remember a phase when I got up at 5am on a Saturday (to be fair I am a morning person and work best then) to do 2 hours work before the baby twins woke at 7am - I carved out those hours as working hours. Mind you when you keep all the money and are your own boss it's quite an incentive and I've always preferred work to hoovering or cleaning the loo or ironing - no contest there.

I don't think anyone can work well when they are tired. My daughter worked 43 hours without a single break a year ago at Christmas she was telling us this year. If it's occasionally that's fine. If it's all the time it just tires you out which is one reason I've suggested all the chidlren pick a profession where ultimately they might have the option to work for themselves. It certainly gets much easier when chidlren get bigger- my youngest are teenagers. It's dead easy. Also as you get more senior and earn more.

I always feel the stage of small babies when you may not be that senior is the hardest phase but worth enduring because in a few years everything comes together - a nice career, more money, older and easier children and it's all worth it.

minipie · 15/01/2014 20:52

Thanks Laura - your last sentence has refreshed my resolve to make it work. (Helped by leaving work at 6 today Smile).

By the way, whatever happened to Xenia? She'd be right at home on this thread ...

bigkidsdidit · 15/01/2014 20:57

Um, am I wrong in what I was thinking then?

That was a lovely encouraging post Laura :)

minipie · 15/01/2014 23:06

I was thinking it too bigkids Wink

louloutheshamed · 16/01/2014 08:54

Yes me too...

cheminotte · 16/01/2014 16:37

And me...
On a a different subject does anyone go to any women's networking groups? There seem to be loads in London and the Southeast but not found any for professional women (as opposed to entrepreneursin West Midlands

IceNoSlice · 16/01/2014 21:18

bigkids and others... Think I must be having a thick moment because I'm lost... What were you thinking?

cheminotte I'm in Birmingham - are you? I get invites to a women's networking lunch but I don't tend to go. PM me what field you're in (and if it's brum) and I'll dig out the details if you want?

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 17/01/2014 08:31

That's a good point cheminotte, there don't seem to be any where I am either. Anybody know of any in Scotland West?

Maybe it's a chance for us to start one?!

OP posts:
cheminotte · 17/01/2014 12:28

Thanks IceNoSlice. I have PM'd you with answers.

suchnonsense · 17/01/2014 14:09

I'm clearly having a thick moment as well - no idea what everyone is thinking!

I have a request for advice: I am currently in a job I really enjoy doing, but for a variety of reasons I'm seriously considering moving on to something else. At present I have a "flexible working" arrangement whereby I generally leave the office at 5pm (to do nursery pick-up), but make up for this by going in very early and being available remotely (pretty much 24/7 - it's that kind of job!). I will need to retain a similar arrangement in any new role, but I'm not quite sure how and at which stage to raise this. Obviously I don't want to raise it at initial interview stage - I'd really prefer to avoid mentioning the DC altogether! However, assuming all goes well, I would want to ensure that I could guarantee a similarly flexible arrangement. How have other people dealt with this?

IceNoSlice · 17/01/2014 15:35

suchnonsense that's a really good question and I'd like to hear what others can advise. This is in my mind over the longer term too.

noblegiraffe · 17/01/2014 16:42

Can you ask what core office hours are, arrangements for flexitime and home working without giving any reason? I think most people would be interested even without DC.

bigkidsdidit · 17/01/2014 17:09

Tweet I'm edinburgh but work in Glasgow at least once a fortnight, if you hear of any networking events will you let me know (I will do the same). I haven't so far, though.

Such any chance you could sound out the company and their likely reaction even before interview, do you know anyone who works there?

cheminotte · 17/01/2014 19:02

Such in theory this is where a good network comes in. Are you all on Linkedin for starters? It means you can at least keep in touch with former colleagues and maybe use them to find out a bit about the culture of a company.

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 17/01/2014 19:57

Will do bigkid, though haven't seen anything in Glasgow. Perhaps could start a working mums group......?!

OP posts:
suchnonsense · 18/01/2014 23:34

Thanks all - I would worry about asking up front about flexitime and home working - it all seems a bit "obvious" IYSWIM, but there may be a way of phrasing it which comes across better than I'm imagining in my head!

It's a hypothetical move at the moment, so no idea who the company would be, although I like the idea of utilising networks to sound people out... TBH I'm always been a bit rubbish at keeping in touch with people, and it's times like these that I wish I'd made a bit more effort. Unfortunately it's yet another case of "not enough hours in the day".

For Christmas the only thing I asked for was "the gift of time" - I think that says it all.

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 19/01/2014 07:25

Such, I would not ask in the interview. They may have bad experiences with flexi etc or may make assumptions so personally I would say definitely no. However I would take an opportunity if you can do it full time, spend 6 months impressing and then sound them out. Just make sure you apply to family friendly organisations etc and your role isn't one that is critical you are in the office for etc. hope it all goes well.

OP posts:
cheminotte · 19/01/2014 08:13

Such - I would find the time to join Linkedin if I were you. It won't take long, you can just put basic info on your current job title and any qualifications at first and add more details and maybe a photo at a later date.
My dp is in the same situation. He currently works from home 2 days and leaves work early on another day so he can take and pick up the kids. But he thinks it very unlikely he could do this elsewhere so feels trapped.