Other mums returning to work full time- want to support each other?

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I just wondered if there are any other mums returning to work full time in the next few months who want to start a support thread? I am and I'm feeling really anxious. I'm also fed up at the shocked looks I get when I say I'm going back full time. It's not a choice but a necessity.

So anyone want to join and we can talk about how we are feeling and give some virtual hugs when needed?

Agree with tweet. In fact lots of babies will scream blue murder and toddlers cling to you if you want to leave them to go to the loo - this is not something that just applies to working parents. It can apply to going out to the shops without them so don't let it cause any guilt at all.

They like consistency and certainty - that XYZ happens at ABC time every day in the week without fail. That is what comforts them. So if you can stick to the same carers/pickups and same meals and bed time routine every single night they feel safe and secure.

I see what you mean Supermum but I think "I don't work Fridays" also fits with don't complain don't explain doesn't it? (I would never say "sorry I don't work Fridays as I have to look after my daughter"). It also has the benefit of making it clear that I won't be available for a meeting next Friday or any other Friday either.

I agree in theory 4 days shouldn't mean mummy track... I think it does at my firm though, or at least it means no promotion to partner. TBH I don't mind being mummy tracked as long as I still get good work and decent pay, it might take a bit of the pressure off re client marketing and so on. Again, this would be different if I was the main earner or was very ambitious to reach the top.

minipie, if you are a lawyer in a law firm (particularly City), then it is either go hell for leather for years and years if you want to make partner, or not. It is all or nothing. If you go 4 days, I don't think you will realistically make partner in a very competitive environment as against your peers who work ft and more.

You are presumably very well paid for your 4 days, even after pro-rating. If you are happy with that and your firm allows you to 'coast', rather than up-or-out, it is not a bad place to be. I understand your drivers as your opportunities for promotion are somewhat limited short of going for gold.

The problem with the mummy track is it sneak up on you. You think you are happy just doing your job at worrying about promotions and then you realise someon with less experience than you has been given a job that was never advertised and people just assume you would not be interested if they even thought of you, quietly workingaway doing 5 days of work in 4 days

I agree with the points raised about not just quietly keeping your head down and hoping bosses will just notice how much you're doing - I have seen how it pays to be vocal and make sure your efforts are noticed.

I am determined not to be mummy tracked. I had a frank discussion with my bosses about a month after I started back stating what I was doing over and above the 'day job' (marketing, targeting clients etc) and asking what more I could do. I told them I wanted promotion and was prepared to work for it - and to consider me for challenging assignments. But I have done the whilst remaining office based (as opposed to working away) and mostly during normal hours by cutting the crap (no FB or MN at work, short lunches) and getting on with it.

I'll have to wait and see on the promotion though - it is an annual process in August. I start mat leave again in Feb...

How did everyone get on back at work today? I picked DD up from nursery and they said she hadn't napped which I was a bit gutted about. That's the first time ever she has missed a nap. Its normally 2hrs. She's only 18mo so it meant a mad rush with dinner bath and straight to bed as she had been up for 12hrs straight lets hope she naps tomorrow!

I'd like to join please! back to work full time in march when my little boy (first child) will be 6 months. I'm a teacher and head of 2 big departments so long days ahead and can only be full time. We've just sorted a childminder and and planning to start dropping bfeeds. ( am v sad about this but there is no way I could find the time or the relaxing situation to express at work! )

Theonlyone hope that your DD naps tomorrow. I'm sure she'll settle into a routine soon enough.

I need to get better at making noise about the extra responsibility I take on etc but it seems so false and I feel awkward about doing it, I also think that it should be very evident to anyone higher up worth their salt. Men seem so much better at marketing (or bulls***g) themselves at work.
I have until now relied on being very efficient, capable etc to put me in good stead but a couple of points up the thread about ensuring your contributions are acknowledged and "out there" along with a point re women tending to stick in the same organisation rather then move jobs have struck a chord with me and are definite food for thought.
Good luck for those in their first week back.

IMO,the significant thing is baby will be different in childcare.and we need to accept that.different environment different stimulus.they'll be different. I wouldn't worry about naps.may well be that routine changes at nursery. Nursery is safe,adequate but nursery isn't home -so expect changes.

Kind of what I started off saying,you accept you'll not be available all times,you'll never have the spontaneity of the housewives. This is pragmatically what we trade when we return. On other hand you'll have maintained career,be financially contributing,using your skills

I make sure I attend the important stuff and on those occasion dp collect if able
Go to some social stuff,keep a profile.build professional and personal rapport
I was listless,missed work on mat leave.love my weans but hell no way I'd give up work

I am so tired, DD woke me three times in the night. The childminder said she was very good all day, only cried a little bit in the morning, ate a good lunch and had a nap (in the buggy, good luck to the CM getting her to nap in a cot!), so that's all positive.
But when I got home from work I was shattered and just wanted to sit and drink a cup of tea instead of playing with the DC which I felt a bit crap about. Then once they were in bed, tidying up the kitchen after dinner took ages and now I'm supposed to be doing more work for tomorrow.

It's going to be a bit of a slog. I should feel better once DD starts sleeping better though.

On the work front, I was worried that I had forgotten how to teach, but once I was in the classroom, it was easy. Muscle memory or something :)

Thanks... I've been told he's been crying almost the whole time I've been gone but he wasn't actually in tears today when I picked him up so feeling a bit more positive now.

Welcome to the joiners.

Please could I gently ask we keep the time of the thread supportive? Finding some of the comments made a little intimidating... I don't think it helps anxious mums to be told what we must and must not do; what we will or won't achieve etc.

*tone not time sorry

Mine ate a gargantuan range of food at nursery that was declined at home
I think just go with flow,nursery is different fir them.can't expect it to be same
Watching the burgeoning friendships was nice,and all the social confidence

I can't see anything unsupportive on thread?
It's useful IMO it be able to have a frank discussion about returning,and other mums strategy,experiences,thoughts
Can be hard RL to get people to discuss this or share without fear of inappropriate disclosure later

It was me who said I don't let on I don't work Fridays. This is 'clients' rather than colleagues, in the main. The way my profession works my clients could become my employer one day and I don't want to be written off before they've even read my CV, assuming I want the mummy track. My colleagues all know and it's a recurring out of office in my diary titled non-working day.

Also, it's unfortunate but I already have to be twice as good to be recognised simply by being female, I'm not adding the stigma of part time to it as well. It's not fair, I don't like it and it shouldn't be like it, but you can often be seen as less competent simply by not working full time. And who make up the majority of part time workers? Women. It's a viscious circle. And it is so true that men big themselves up. I know of several instances when someone has said oh I know so and so, he's and I've thought, no he bloody isn't the lying bastard.

Anyway, work was fine today. Pretty quiet, caught up on emails mainly. I've got back to back meetings tomorrow which will generate a load of work so it'll be busier from then on.

DS2 was fine at nursery, had more sleep and more formula than I manage to get him to have usually. It tired him out, he was fast asleep before 7. I'm utterly shattered though, DS2 was up for the day at 4.30am with a feed at 1.30, before which I didn't manage to drop off, so I'm running on very little sleep.

Today I have watched a ted talk and an interview on you tube with Sheryl Sandberg and ordered her book.

I would really recommend the ted talk as so many of her points pertain to this discussion.

Scone- I am a teacher too (but not hod) and I went back ft after ds1. (off again with ds2) and I kept up bf for 6 months after going back, just the bedtime feed, I found it a lovely way to maintain the connection with my ds, do don't feel you need to stop bf if you don't want to.

loulou what is a ted talk?

meringue your post has puzzled me. Do you mean that you find things like 'don't complain, don't explain' unsupportive as it tells anxious mums what we must or must not do? I personally find that phrase a really sensible approach - and hadn't heard it before someone posted it here.

This will be me soon. Seeing my boss sometime this week and going back to work part-time in May.I am so not looking forward to it. Maybe I will win Lotto and pay off the mortgage, cars, etc. :) by then. God help me!

The thing is she has been at nursery since April last year and has never had a problem napping there till today. Maybe the two weeks at home has out her out of kilter with her nursery routine. They said she just wasn't interested in sleeping as was too interested in what else was going on!

Did my first day of the 30 day shred today. It's only 20mins so easy to squeeze in once DCs are in bed. Feel good about it!

Hope you get a better nights sleep tonight ilanthe and noblegiraffe

Tomorrow is another day!

Just to say - keep with it - you are all doing so well. This was me 15 years ago with DC1 - I was the only mother to return after mat leave, and although it was tough, it was absolutely the best thing I could have done, because when DC2 started school, because of my track record I was able to negotiate a term-time only client facing role (not education - sales, earning 6-fig salary) - unheard of in my industry, and thanks to bosses who had seen I was a serious committed worker and so trusted me to work unusual hours. It meant that I had a professional career and was able to deliver and mostly collect DC from primary school, and attend assemblies, nativities, sports days, and had the school hols with them (albeit with some blackberry/phone work in school hols). I never would have got that if I hadn't worked in the nursery years - and now they are teenagers and don't need me around I am so glad I was able to be there for their primary school hols. The nursery years are actually the easiest - gets harder with school.

Not much to add but a lot of support - and the encouragement that you will all be fine. I was you 14 years ago and now so happy that I kept going with my career. My 3 children adore me (most of the time) they are thriving at school and sociable - so don't believe the crap about damaging them/your relationship. I have lots of SAHM friends who I made both at baby stage and through school - who have often helped me out - and I make sure to repay them with nice dinners and wine! You can keep up those friendships - don't need to be at coffee mornings to do it. You do miss moments - of course you do. But you also miss a lot of the competitive/ crap that my SAHM friends complain about that really starts to kick in when all their DC's are at school - there are a lot of empty hours to fill in a few years time. And don't feel bad about being a mother at work. Feel proud you are helping to put food on your children's plates.

Mini If you say 'I don't work on Fridays' you are explaining why you can't make a meeting. If you say 'Fridays don't work for me.' you are not explaining anything. You are just saying that day isn't good for you.

meringue It is upsetting to hear your child has been crying throughout the day. I would see how he does during the week. I explain to DD that I am going to work. Children adapt and sometimes they pick up on things you are tense about. Hopefully as the week progresses you are more relaxed and your new routine becomes established.

Mrs y, am interested to kmlw why it gets harder at school? I have two dcs, one in y2 and one who will be starting reception this year. Im looking forward to them botb being at school as I think my life will be loads easier.

I would say school is harder as you don't have 51 weeks of childcare available so you have to plan your annual leave to cover as much of the holidays as possible while saving some for illness and unexpected closures such as Ted days or polling days. And schools have eats which parents are encouraged to attend, minimum of one per term ime which depending on the time of day they are held, how many children you have and how flexible your employer is, can add up to lots of time off. Last term for 2 dc I had 2 harvest festivals - didn't go to either as had only just started New job, dp went to the one for our younger dc; 1 class dancing display - had pm off to see that, 1 meeting with senco - worked from home; 1 nativity - worked from home and a Christmas service - pm off to attend. And amazingly only 2 sick days all term.