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Original poster

Vote: Would you prefer your child to be able to say "my mum was always there" or "my mum trained people across the world"?

87 replies

fisil · 13/07/2006 20:38

I gave up work to be with my boys more, and to make ends meet by doing 1 day a week consultancy/training. Today I was offered potential work in Dubai. Whenever I went it would only be one day (i.e. 2 nights away from home). It sounds REALLY exciting, especially in the world of education when usually a field trip to the Peak District is the best you get, but then I did want to be with my boys more ....

So please vote - which would you prefer your kids to be able to say?

OP posts:

brimfull · 14/07/2006 11:41

Ask your children in 10 yrs time if they remember ho leaving them for 2 nights ...they won't remember a thing.they will however enjoy having a mum who is content and happy.
Go!

Wordsmith · 14/07/2006 11:46

My Mum was a SAHM but trained to be a teacher at the same time (this was in the days before you needed to have a degree). She did O levels, then A levels at night school, then teacher training at college part time. Most of the other trainees were mums too. She then became a primary school teacher when I was about 8 or 9 and my youngest brother about 5. I can till remember her coming home from her job interview and saying "I got the job!" She was so excited and so was I. And then when I was about 13 or 14 it suddenly came to me that my mum had done all of this studying in her own time without any of us actually realising. I can still remember how proud I felt.

The fact is, fisil, even if you do take this fantastic sounding opportunity (which I would, by the way!) your kids will still remember you always being there! And they'll probably remember you coming home from your trip with something nice for them from duty free too ...

puff · 14/07/2006 15:54

I'd have my case packed already I'd be so excited

mousiemousie · 14/07/2006 15:56

Are we talking 2 nights every week, or 2 nights once or twice a year? There is a big difference and I'm not sure what you mean?

LadyTophamHatt · 15/07/2006 07:20

wordsmith....your post has bought tears to my eyes.
What wonderful memory to have from your childhood

arfishymeau · 15/07/2006 07:47

I would say go for it. You can always stop the job if you hate being away from them.

I've dragged DD all over the world on my own from 10 months. Poor thing, at the moment all of her toys and 'stuff' (actually, mine too) is in the UK.

I've never felt guilty about it because she's had so much fun and seen and done so many great things.

When she got to three I stopped, so she could go to nursery and get a bit of stability. Looking back I think I could have swung Singapore for a year without unduly affecting her.

So, what I'm really trying to say is that I gave up lots of opportunities (and more life-affecting than yours) when DD just turned 3 (singapore, thailand, spain etc) to give her stability & I realise now that I could easily have carried on for much longer.

We're doing ok in Sydney though, so no regrets

Erm, have you thought about just relocating to Dubai for a while (with them of course)?

Mytwopenceworth · 15/07/2006 07:53

i would want my kids to say "my mum was always there for me when i needed her and i always knew i was loved and valued"

you don't need to be a physical 24/7 presence for them to know that.

why do we beat ourselves up all the time over everything?!!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/07/2006 07:56

It hasn't got to be one or the other, it can be both. What I'd like my kids to say is that they had happy childhoods and their mum & dad were fun to be with.

Pruni · 15/07/2006 08:12

Message withdrawn

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/07/2006 09:40

Go. I travelled a lot in my last job and a bit in this one, but made sure I was never away for more than 2 nights at a time.

sparklemagic · 15/07/2006 10:07

I agree with all of these posts basically! Go. They won't remember anyway.

And it's all about striking a balance. In a similar vein to wordsmith, my mum did her degree and teacher training when my bro and I reached school age and it was something on the periphery for us -she was still 100% our loving, attentive mum, we were just aware that she also was doing this uni stuff; sometimes we went to meet her from lectures, sometimes she was at home sitting in the sun doing her work, smelling of sun cream! I'm sure she loved it and we felt very proud that our mum was so clever. I firmly believe that kids do get self esteem from their parents' achievements as well as their own and it is brilliant role modelling to let them see you making progress and learning, and doing well at work.

But it is still a balance and if it means too much time away from the children or them feeling that you are NOT 100% their mum but mostly something else, then these wonderful benefits are lost I believe. Not that this applies in your case fisil! Hope it all goes well for you!

NannyStar · 15/07/2006 15:52

I agree with the majority here that you should go for it. It is not that you do not love your children just because you want to go for this experience, but because you will be showing your children that there is only one lifetime and that does not last forever, so you should fit in whatever you can, and with you working abroad you can educate your children about other cultures and even take them there one day. Go for it girl and don't look back. No one, not even your children will resent you for it I can promise.

Uwila · 15/07/2006 16:14

Oh, Fisil, what a great opportunity. I haven't read the thread but I think you should go. If it is any help, I took my first business trip since having kids this last week. I left for Kazakhstan on Tuesday morning and returned Friday midday. I thought I was going to be miserable. Didn't thinkI could go 4 days without seeing my lovely kiddies (who incidentally are also 1 and 3). But, it was okay. I had a great time. Really enjoyed getting to travel. I saw some colleagues I hadn't seen in a long time and learned some things about a new culture. And, I didn't have a s hard a time missing the kids as I thought I would -- should I feel guilty about that?

goldenoldie · 15/07/2006 22:01

owch - that hurt.....................

Does not feel like much of a choice - 'my mum always put the children first', or ' my mum always put herself first'.

Greensleeves · 15/07/2006 22:02

I wouldn't go. But then, I won't even go to Sainsbury's without mine. I am Officially Pathetic

roisin · 15/07/2006 22:17

Go for it! Definitely!
I've just been away for 6 days on a school residential trip. I did actually miss the boys (unusual for me): missed sports day, missed ds2's piano lesson, missed ds1's preparations for an firsthand report of Greek Day, had to wait to read their school reports.
But it was a great opportunity for me (to list the horrid last week of term!), and I don't regret going at all. ... and nothing like as exciting as Dubai!

Blondilocks · 15/07/2006 22:23

Go for it!

Skribble · 16/07/2006 22:32

Fisil we need to know if you are going to do it!!!!

I work part time but this can involve nights away from home too. They stay at grannies or have Daddy all to them selves and have a ggod time, I get to do interesting work and still feel like a human being. I think it makes for a more interesting mummy.

I do stints of up to 5/6 days but this is well spaced out and thi kids get too here all about it and visit some of the places I work which helps them to feel involved. Honestly bring them back a couple of glossy brochures, a bag of sweets and a cuddly toy from the plane and they will be desperete for you to go again.

kama · 16/07/2006 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kama · 16/07/2006 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Skribble · 16/07/2006 23:27

Agree a happy fulfilled Mum will be more likely to have happy fulfilled kids, better than looking back and saying I wish I had.

DH spends up to 3 weeks at a time away from kids and he doesn't worry about being a bad dad so why do us mums worry so much. I think we more than make up for it when we are at home, unlike my DH who just carries on regardless.

threebob · 17/07/2006 00:13

I would love my ds to say

"my mum was amazing she brought me up and was there a lot, but still taught loads of children music as well - I don't know where she got her energy!"

Which is similar to what I say about my dad

"Dad worked shifts, but he always tried to change them so he could come on school trips or concerts, even if that meant he missed sleep. He phoned every night if he was away with work, and sometimes we got to go on holiday with just him when he got a long weekend off. He also did an Open University degree whilst supporting a family."

Alipiggie · 17/07/2006 00:24

Fantastic opportunity. Never feel quilty about doing things for you. Someone said here, happy mum = happy kids. How true. Congratulations and go for it.

finefatmama · 21/07/2006 23:29

My mum worked hard and raised four kids alone. She travelled the world and worked hard to pay the bills. even though she was hardly ever during a particular period, we all understood the pressure and tried to make up whenever she was around.

I am very proud of her achievements and have been left a legacy of hard work and perseverance. It helps me when I think I cant cope to have someone to look up to. We also had a tendency to brag and compare mothers at school based on thier looks and achievements. i never lacked in that department.

handlemecarefully · 21/07/2006 23:34

My vote goes for 'my mum was always there'. Unless you are saving lifes, I think employment is subsidiary

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