Would you work with your OH? Tricky decision to make.

[Urbanvoltaire]

My oh runs an IT company (recently split from business partner) & is after me filling previous business partner's shoes. I know the business (ISP, networking) & it would be fairly easy for me. Job would be all admin, invoicing, banking, bookkeeping, ordering etc.

I currently work (doing almost exact same role) for an educational IT company term-time only. I really like the job, people are friendly, it's an independent income & hours suit. I also like my "space".

So my dilemma is, do I resign & put all our eggs in one basket, work @ oh office, make hours more flexible (so I could drop ds off @ school) etc etc, be loyal to oh.....

Or

Stay put, feel selfish and guilty whilst he trues to persuade me, & keep my head down.

Other option is that he employs a part-time bookkeeper in the short term & keeps the admin going that way.

Please help, I'm really struggling with my head.

I work with DH. I don't work for him, but in the same office, which we run and administer together. Don't want to go into too much detail as I don't want to out myself.

It has mostly worked well - we don't see each other that much as our appointment times run different lengths, and I generally work shorter hours.
It has its pluses and its minuses.

Pluses are it's mostly nice to work together, we have fun, we have some clients in common (different areas of expertise) and manage to help them from several angles that way. And we can consult each other on client problems. When we're doing well in our relationship, it's great.

Minuses are that we butt heads over decision-making, and our marriage dynamics (good and bad) invariably come into this.
We moved our office space a few months ago, and nearly came to blows a few times (not really, but you know what I mean) over the negotiations. We changed the office administration somewhat from him being "the boss" to us being "co-bosses", and that has had its ups and downs too. Plus, problems in the work place follow you home. He still holds a grudge over something I supposedly did, work-related, several years ago, which I have no memory of doing. He says, she says - no way to resolve it.

I very nearly came to the decision that when our term of lease is up for the space we're currently in, I will go work somewhere else because I won't go through this again. Our relationship was terrible during the negotiations - I'd rather he holds a grudge over me leaving our shared office for the rest of his life, than live like cats and dogs again the way we did in the spring. I haven't brought that up yet, but we have 4 1/2 more years in this space, so there's time.

I don't know if I can honestly 100% recommend working with your spouse. I think it really depends on your individual temperaments and how you get along in general. Like I said, when we're doing well, it's great. But stresses in either arena follow you into the other.

I work at home with my DH. But he is the boss when it comes to work. Not with home life - we have an equal partnership.

I think that its important to pick my battles. I decide what is most important to 'win' and what I can let go. Otherwise we'd argue all the time.

We also don't spend all the working day together. It helps that I am quite a loner, so that I don't need that much companionship. Would this be a problem for you? Would you feel isolated?

Is there anyway you can have a trail run? You say that you currently work term time only. Perhaps you could try working with your DH over half term and see how you cope.

My parents did this - had their own business. One ran the business administratively, the other headed the sales side of it. Just thought a perspective from the kids' side might be of interest to you.

It is obvious to say this, but if business is good, home life is good. If business is not going so well, home life can be very tricky.My parents had own businesses through the 80s and 90s when the business world dipped and dived in quite a big way. We had amazing times, lovely holidays, nice meals out and then awful periods of time where there was no 'hedge' (financial or emotional) and it was pretty shit. I found it quite hard, honestly and have been entirely put off working for myself in adult life as a result - the risks are very stark to me.

On the plus side... I was able to help out with the business from 12+. My pocket money was all linked to stuff I did at 'work'. I'd stuff envelopes (direct mail), I'd answer phone calls (our home line was a business line as the type of business required out of hours calls) and I learned to touch type in primary school and did basic secretarial skills. My parents got cheap labour, but I was bright and motivated and, from 12 onwards I had a lot more cash around for myself personally than many of my peers and it did my cv no harm in the longer term either.

Why would he try and persuade you?

I wouldn't because it doesn't sound like you really want to.

I have been co-director of a new company which I set up with my DH after the birth of our first DC. We are now 4 years in and the business is 'set up' and I am going back to my old career. He will continue on his own an absorb my work himself and amongst existing staff. He is the business specialist (can't say what as I'm likely to out myself), and I do all the money, admin, etc.

The advantages are that I have taken care of the 2 DC and been able to do school drop/pick up etc
We set our own hours
When things are good at work, life at home is really great as we are all sharing the same positive experience
I have developed a totally different work related skills.

BUT

When things are tight, the whole house is a BAD place
I am doing admin, when in reality I have a professional qualification to take advantage of
I have ended up totally responsible for the children and other domestics
Our relationship has suffered as problems at work end up back at home.
(We have had to go so far as saying no talk of work when we are in bed - he would / does, really)!
My children don't think mummy has a job because I am there at the start and end of the day
We have no pensions
We cannot get a mortgage due to us both being directors.

It will all changed now anyway though as I'm going back to my former career!