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Original poster

Why do you work? (serious thread...)

97 replies

popsycal · 08/02/2004 13:51

For parents who work outside of the home at paid jobs (as we ALL work at home...!)

Thread title says it all really. Is it exclusively the money aspect, or for the independence (financial, emotional, psychological) etc....

yes, that Sunday afternoon feeling is kicking in again.....

OP posts:

expatkat · 26/03/2004 20:36

Just saw this interesting thread.

To answer the thread question, I work because because I hate, literally HATE being a SAHM, which I was for a time. I feel guilty about my feelings sometimes, like zebra, but mostly I don't. I've accepted it as who I am. The money I make doesn't cover childcare of any fashion, so many will call my situation impractical. But I think I would kill myself if I were a SAHM & so I see it as practical in another way: my kids have a mum. To the mums who are & want to be full-time mums: you people are amazing, I will always be in awe, I wish I could be you.

stace · 27/03/2004 08:41

i just read this thread and found it really interesting. Maybe im wrong but it does not seem that there are many working mothers on this thread that are truly content about working which seems a big big shame!!!.

I for one hate working, I am trapped and cannot find a way out, i am pregnant and looking forward to at the very least a few weeks off.

I realised from this thread that everyones situation is so different but i truly wonder how may mums are really content about working. Come on anyone apart from expatkat gonna own up!!!

jacksmumto1 · 27/03/2004 20:50

I'll own up!!

I work because I have to - thankfully only part-time but tbh, even that is too much! I really want to be at home looking after my little boy (and bub on the way) ALL the time but we cannot afford for me to give up - whatever we do..the figures won't add up.

Like Stace, I feel trapped and am unable to find a way out. Once bub is born, we will be selling my car and become a 1 car family but I will still have to work! In fact, the hours I work now as a 2 car family bring in just £5/month MORE than me dropping to 1 day a week as a 1 car family. (we couldn't live without 2 cars if I worked more than 1 day a week). We can't move to a cheaper house and stay in this area - cheaper houses don't exist anymore!!!

Utter madness!

northernlass1 · 27/03/2004 21:16

I work by owning my own business - which I SET UP SO I could juggle my hours and not have to be answerable to anyone - I drop of ds at school every day and pick him up 2/3 days a week. dd is in nursery 4 days but not v long days (4pm pick ups most days). I too wasn't a natural sahm, I simply missed the personal acheievements you can get through work and of course the independence - Although I would say if you can be a sahm and really enjoy it - I am soo envious.

Grommit · 27/03/2004 21:19

I work because I want to - I enjoy my job and hated being a SAHM. I have great admiration and respect for those mums who do stay at home but it just is nto for me

lydialemon · 27/03/2004 23:05

I've just gone back to work after my maternity leave and I hate it. I work because I need the money, I definitely don't need the stress, and to be constantly tired. I have the kids during the day and work 8pm until 12.30amish three nights a week. I'd probably be happier in a different job, but the hours/location etc are too convenient. It's going to be hard to find something else!

I don't feel any sense of independence etc, as the kids are all asleep when I'm working anyway, so I'd much rather be with DH on the sofa, slumped in front of the TV! However by doing these hours, I don't have to pay childcare so I can work less for the same benefit.

I'd love to be a real SAHM, at least until all the kids are in full time school. Then I could study again and get a job I really want to do

Sorry for rambling.

mears · 28/03/2004 18:51

I initially went back to work because we were too skint - had planned to be a SAHM. However, I truly love my job as a midwife so enjoy the best of both worlds. The monet helps but I so enjoy my job I would miss it too much

jac34 · 28/03/2004 19:26

I enjoy my job, but would love to give it up to be a SAHM, but as I'm the main breadwinner, the best I could do was to drop to working 3 days a week.DH also works P/T, and we manage to do the school runs between us, so no longer pay childcare. I do 6 out of 10 runs and DH does 4, but I'd love to be doing it every day.

squirmyworm · 28/03/2004 19:50

ask me in a week! I go back to work on thursday.

I did love my job and think I still will (fantastic colleagues, interesting things to deal with, lots of challenges, meeting a variety of very interesting people - the days fly by and I get loads of fun and stimulation out of it) but I am, of course, now concerned about what it will be like being away from my ds.

we'll see!

Fennel · 30/03/2004 14:34

I'm sure there are other recent threads on this. I work because I like it. also because I like being independent and having my own mental space without toddlers all around me the whole time. there were quite a few mumsnetters on other recent threads who say the same.

M2T · 30/03/2004 14:42

At the moment I work as I have to support us financially. DH's wage wouldn't only just cover the mortgage/utility bills/Council Tax.

It started out as something I felt I had to do for me and my own sanity... but now I hate it and can't wait to finish on Maternity leave in 12wks time. The unfortunate thing is I can't afford to NOT go back.

I HATE MY JOB! And without retraining I would never find a job with the same salary. So I'm stuck here. I want to study Midwifery, but can't see us being in a financial situation to allow that in the near future unless DH gets another 2 promotions.

...can you tell I'm feeling sorry for myself today???

stace · 30/03/2004 19:13

M2T i know just how you feel i hate my work too and wish i didnt have too and feel really sorry for myself about it too!!!!

What are we going to do about it though!!

fio2 · 30/03/2004 19:16

I want to work!! dont seem to have time atm

laurakim · 31/03/2004 12:27

I enjoy my job...cant wait to go on maternity leave on friday though

I work cos I want to...I need to. I could NEVER be a sahm. I love my ds but for my own sanity I need to work.

Would like a bit more money though but wouldnt we all

Northerner · 31/03/2004 12:34

Primarly I work because I need to financially, but also for my sanity. I enjoy my 3 days at work for adult conversation! Couldn't stay at home full time.

M2T · 31/03/2004 12:39

Stace - When I return to work after Maternity leave I hoping to be able to work 4 days per week. It means dropping my salary by more than £4k per annum though. We'll see how it goes. We are hoping that DH will be in for another promotion this September. That would take his salary UP by £5k per annum so that would be the problem solved. And it would also even up the earnings a bit!

stace · 31/03/2004 15:07

M2T that sounds like you have a really good plan in place, alas i cannot say the same for me, but time will tell.

Unfortunately i am in partnership with my brother and do not feel that i can abandon him as the buisness is in alot of trouble at the moment, so i just feel like i have a noose round my neck!!!!

Mog · 31/03/2004 15:51

M2T, the government has just announced they will pay 85% of childcare costs (non-means tested) for students of midwifery and nursing. There's more about it on the midwives sanctuary website I think. Makes it a much more viable option when you have young children.

MammyShirl · 31/03/2004 16:08

i work because i have to! i would prefer to not as i have alot of friends with babies so i would not miss out on adult conversation.
after maternity i went back for two days a week, money has been very tight since but i could not handle being away from dd more than that.
i've just been made redundant and im looking for work now, i am willing to work 3 days now if it means i'll get help with childcare costs, i was not eligible for any help when working two days as they said i earned too much... yeah right! dont know how they work it out but it means people who earn less than me end up with more money as they get help towards costs - how does that work???
i wish you got paid to be a mammy - that would sort all the problems out!

Moondance12 · 07/04/2004 19:51

I'm a bit slow at finding this thread (last posting was a few days ago now), but am soooo pleased I came across it. There are loads of interesting views about "to work or not to work" and many comments have made me feel better (in that I know I'm not alone).

I have been enjoying every minute of my mat. leave but unfortunately the time has come to return to work. I am going back full time and not really looking forward to it, but am doing so for financial reasons. During my time off I have given a lot of thought to earning extra money - in the hope that eventually I won't have to work full time. I think I've found something that - in the long term - may allow me to achieve this (though it won't happen overnight!!). Given a number of you are in similar situations (either want to be a sahm, want to work from home, or want to reduce the no. of hours going to your normal day job), I thought it might be a good thing to share with you. If anyone wants any info. e:mail me at [email protected]. You never know, it may just be your answer too!!??

Meantime - does anyone have any tips for achieving a good balance between work, dd and dh? Will there ever be time for myself again??

Lara2 · 08/04/2004 13:28

Because I need the money (one wage isn't enough in our household), the stimulation, the financial independence if it ever came to that situation, and it gives me a feeling of self worth. I'm a teacher and love my job - have done dross jobs in the past and would only have gone back to work for financial reasons if I'd still been doing any of those. Financial independence is power - I'm my own woman and can support myself and my children if I have to (it would be tight and need lots of changes in our lives). I don't have to rely on DH for anything and also don't ever have to ask if I can spend money. I would never buy myself anything if I didn't work - I'd feel that it was his money and would have to ask him. I feel on an equal footing with him because I earn my share - I have an equal say in everything and he can't ever turn round and throw the "I've been working all day" argument at me.

slimcontroller · 08/04/2004 18:41

I have always worked since J was born. I cut back hours to the minimum (no extra's) after 5pm etc. Felt guily, then worked 30 hours a week, but have now gone back full time. Luckily I kept up the career as my hubby was made redundant last year - bought a business, which was a disaster. So not only was I sole breadwinner, he has spent all his redundancy and I had to find £17k for his tax bill ! Am ruthless at leaving on time if I can and making most of time with J - hate summer hols as no matter what you do, there is always loads of weeks where you have to find a play scheme to cover.

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