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Original poster

Why do you work? (serious thread...)

97 replies

popsycal · 08/02/2004 13:51

For parents who work outside of the home at paid jobs (as we ALL work at home...!)

Thread title says it all really. Is it exclusively the money aspect, or for the independence (financial, emotional, psychological) etc....

yes, that Sunday afternoon feeling is kicking in again.....

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycal · 08/02/2004 15:06

How many of you who work, have worked since you kids were tiny....??? Or did you go back when they went to school?

OP posts:
elena2 · 08/02/2004 15:07

Popsy, could you do supply teaching? That way you could probably choose to work as much or as little as you need to?

Slinky · 08/02/2004 15:08

Well, I only work part-time but the main thoughts behind me going out to work were:

a) older 2 are at school and DD2 had started nursery part-time - initially it was a novelty having some spare time to myself, but after a while I found myself going "stir-crazy" through boredom!

This led to me either eating more if I stayed in or going into town shopping for the sake of it!

b) After spending 7 years at home, I really missed having contact with other people - particularly having conversations that DIDN'T involve nappies/weaning/sleeping habits/teething/tantrums etc etc.

I'm fortunate in that I don't have to work financially but I'm now doing a job that I absolutely love - gets me out of the house - and the girls I work with are absolute gems

Original poster
popsycal · 08/02/2004 15:09

I could do that. But at the moment, the school in which I work has generally good, well motivated kids.....and even though I wold love the flexibility of supply teaching, I fear it would be a case of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

I need a serious discussion with dh and to write a pros and cons list as twiglett suggested

Thanks folks

OP posts:
beetroot · 08/02/2004 15:11

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beetroot · 08/02/2004 15:11

This reply has been deleted

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hercules · 08/02/2004 15:12

I went to work when ds was 3 years old as I was going up the wall with lack of adult company and I was glad to go. DS is now 8 and has only fond memories of his time in full time nursery since 3 and then a childminder when he went to school. I have been at home on maternity leave since sept and he has really blossomed in this time even though he had a brilliant childminder.
With dd, dh is doing nights so will keep her until 2.45 (v tired he'll be). Once we've paid off debts then I will like to further cut back my hours or send her to a full time nursery as I think it is important she mixies with other kids.
I think that as teachers we are lucky as can be flexible to leave to be home early on occasion and have 13 weeks holidays. I know working at home is horrible but at least its at home.
I know my ds hasnt suffered from me working.

Original poster
popsycal · 08/02/2004 15:22

I agree, hercules, that Ds doesn't suffer. He is such a sociable little boy and loves his childminder and all the activities that they do. It is me doing the suffering! i miss him sooo badly then spend the sime that I am with him stressing about work and being hort tempered. Anyway - he is awake now so I wll catch up with you all later

OP posts:
prufrock · 08/02/2004 15:32

popyscal - don't know if this will help you in your dilemma but here's my twopenn'orth

I went back to work when dd was 4 months because I didn't much like little babaies. I needed the stimulation, I needed the validation of being good at something again. We didn't particularly need the money, but I did want to be more than "just" a mother. I also didn't want to give up my career having worked damn hard to get where I was.

9 months ago we decided to have another baby and that I would give up work after it was born. I felt that I was missing out on dd (she'd 20 months now and so much more interesting). I also felt like I was doing a crap job with both halves of my life. When I was at work I couldn't, and didn't want, to give the 120% that my company demands. I no longer wanted to be in the office until 11pm when there were projects to be completed - I wanted to leave at 6 so I could spend time with dd. And as an aally retentive perfectionist with a boss who has not been prepared to cut back on my workload, I found that I just couldn't be as good or productive as I had been before.
And when I was at home, I didn't feel like I was doing a proper job as a parent. Weekends have been used for cramming in all the life organising stuf that still needs doing, and I'm so knackered that it is sometimes difficult to be as patient and attentive as I feel I should be with dd.

Could you not do private tutoring in the evenings/weekends when dh can look after the kids? My Dad has been fdoing it as an extra to his teaching career for years and finds it far more fulfilling teaching maths one-on-one to somebody who is struggling than teaching a huge class who sometimes couldn't give a damn.

Slinky · 08/02/2004 15:58

Forgot to add in my post:

one of the reasons I went back to work was being offered "ideal working hours" - would have been stupid to turn them down.

I start at 9.00am and finish at 2.30pm - allowing to drop off and collect kids from school. Also I am only contracted to work during "school term time", therefore I don't have the worries of childcare during holiday time.

hercules · 08/02/2004 16:16

What do you do Slinky?

Original poster
popsycal · 08/02/2004 16:16

prufrock - your post is me too!

OP posts:
Dinny · 08/02/2004 16:20

I went back to work part-time when dd was 18 months. SO glad to be back - love the adult company, using my brain, time to myself. Expecting second baby in September - will definitely go back to work (all being well) when he/she about 6 months even though won't bring home that much money after paying for two nursery places. Just feel so isolated if at home all the time.

spacemonkey · 08/02/2004 16:22

i would go stir crazy if i didn't do non-child/home related work too - wish i could afford to work 3 days a week, that would be perfect

yoko · 08/02/2004 16:28

i had a career that i began when i was 16 when i left school and became a nurse.i carried on doing this for almost 14 years,then i had my ds and i stopped work to be at home with him.we have managed for 5 years by running up huge debts as we could not really manage on 1 wage,not cos we have a fantastic lifestyle but just to pay bills,food etc.Now its time to pay off the debts and so when my dp gets home i go out to work as a cleaner,i couldnt bear the thought of going back to my previous work.i loved being at home ,and being an old fashioned housewife!i got so much pleasure from it,a totally different world from working with drug addicts and alcoholics.but being at home is looked down upon by others,or you get comments such as"youre lucky you can",No,it was planned,we treated it like being a student and accumulating massive debts for something we felt was worthwhile to us.Each to their own really.Iwork purely for the money.Ialso work from home doing research work during the day.

Kayleigh · 08/02/2004 16:31

I went back to work 4 days a week after ds1 and 3 days a week after ds2. I work because financially, while we could probably just manage on dhs salary, it means we can still have a holiday and the odd night out.
I also love the mental stimulation and the company of other adults.
My only complaint is my commute into the city. But I wouldn't be able to earn the sort of money I do locally.

Luckymum · 08/02/2004 17:19

I went back full-time after ds1, jobshare after ds2 and dd then, when offered redundancy, bit their hand off. TBH I was sick of the job and their idea of 'flexi' wasn't the same as mine. I had a year off (went back to college) and now work part-time term time only which is great. We manage on the money (working family credit has helped) and we're waiting (still) for DLA. My children are older now, 15,12 & 10 but in many ways seem to need me more than when they were babies.

IME the only downside is that the work I do now doesn't stretch me but that said I don't want to be stressed either and its hard to find a balance IYSWIM. May have to think about more hours in the future with 3 to put through uni.........

scoobysnax · 08/02/2004 17:26

I work for 2 reasons:
to maintain my financial independence
and to contribute to society (I work in the health service).

Both of these reasons are very important to me, but if I could have financial independence without working (eg lottery win etc), I would not do paid work. I would definitely do something unpaid though, as I would still want to put something back into society over and above being a parent.

Enchanted · 08/02/2004 17:34

I went back to work initially because financially I had to. We then moved to the country and thought we could still work in London and that I could keep my part time job. It turned out we had both been terribly niave and the travelling was killing us all. We were then forced to get new jobs in different industries closer to home. I started off part time and I now do full time as I love my new career so much. After kissing a few frogs we found ds a wonderful little nursery and found that he enjoys full time too. We thought there maybe a big fuss but he didn't seem to notice. He is an only child and in the move we left behind his friends so he was happy for a social life again. It seemed the more he was there the more he got from it.
If we didn't need the cash I would probably work part time anyway, I need my things, my purpose outside the home and time with grown ups, I think it helps me to enjoy my family more.

Carla · 08/02/2004 17:35

Popsy, haven't got time to read all of this, but just wanted to add that our house is only just hygenic, let alone tidy, and I am a SAHM. Also, DD2 has just started state nursery which will only accommodate her till 11.30. As DD2 has to be picked up (or rather we leave to pick her up) at 2.30, this first term has been horrible and a great shock for both of us. We just kill time till then, and I feel so guilty about it. No time to go off and do the nice things we used to. Not really a reason to make you feel better, I'm sure, but SAHM's also feel the way you do, for different reasons.

I miss the chat, mental stimulation etc., too. There are days when I don't get to talk to a single adult. Don't be so hard on yourself You sound like a wonderful mum.

Slinky · 08/02/2004 18:24

Hercules

I work in a children's day nursery.

fisil · 08/02/2004 18:32

Pops, it's not easy, is it? I work because I was going crazy at home. I did not cope with it at all. I didn't have pnd, but I did have depression and it was caused by being home with the baby. It just did not suit me. I love the challenge and the variety in my day. I love the rush and adrenalin. So I know that it is a highly personal choice.

I agree with Prufrock, though. That if I was not able to give my job everything it needed, then it would not be worth doing (that's why I'm down at the moment, I don't feel I'm on top of it). However, I personally would not cope with supply. I love going in and watching the children in my classes grow and leading the fab group of people in my department. If all I was doing is going in and caretaking someone elses' babies, I may as well be home with mine, poorer but happier. But again, I know this is highly personal.

Would it all have been easier 50 years ago when there wasn't this kind of choice to make?

tamum · 08/02/2004 18:39

Popsy, I'm not sure if this will help at all, but do bear in mind that you are doing a tremendously important and worthwhile job. Even working full-time you do at least have holidays to spend with your ds.

For me going back to work was for a two-fold reason- I love what I do, really effectively have a vocation (medical research). Also, it's just not something you can give up for 5 years and then skip back in, at least at my level (sorry, I know that sounds arrogant). I did take a big gamble in insisting on working part-time when I applied for my current job, and I've been very lucky that it's panned out. My children are now both at school and I just can't imagine how I'd feel if I'd chucked in the chance to do science, really.

Try not to be hard on yourself; do what makes you and your ds happy, and consider the long-term as well as the short-term. Here endeth the sermon

hulababy · 08/02/2004 18:51

Popsycal. I now how hard all this is at the moment for you. Take care!

I work 3 days a week (teacher) mainly for the money aspect of it. Whilst we could live on just DH's wage we wouldn't be able to afford the things we are used to - the apartment, the car, eating out, going away on holiday a couple of times a year, etc. I know these are not important things in life but they are things that we enjoy. So my wage helps us afford that.

I also think that I would miss adult interaction if I didn't work, and may get bored a bit if at home all day with DD.

But even when DD goes to school I will not work FT again, unless our circumstances dictate. I like my days off too much now.

magnum · 08/02/2004 18:58

Went back to work four weeks ago...and handed by notice in last week! didn't realise how hard it would be to leave dd (8 mths) Really missed her and couldn't focus at work as my mind was elsewhere. Can't really afford to give up work but had full support of dh who will now have to work twice as hard to support us