No Income and very depressed

[ftm42]

Not sure where to post this, so might put it on 'mental health' thread too!

I haven't been so depressed for a long time. However, I do have tangible reasons this time round, I suppose!

DH has been out of work for 18 months, my new business isn't making money [yet?!] and we have used up all our savings. We've borrowed v the house twice already and can't get any more loans that way. We have nothing else to liquidate apart from a flat in London, which is rented and is our only source of income for when we retire, as we don't have pensions [self-employment is great as long as you have income from it!] at all.

Trouble is, along with DH being very down at not being in work [he's top-level IT management and has never been out of work for >3 months before now], I'm not much help as I'm crying a lot and can't focus on getting the business going. It won't generate anything like what we need to keep us and the 3 boys [all still in FTE and at home].

The question, for this thread is - "how on earth do we get through this?"?

We can't get any benefits as we're both self-employed; DHs income for the previous tax year is >£100K, but this last tax year was NIL, so we'll have to wait months before we qualify for anything at all. Any advice on where to look for jobs for him; grants for me; etc?

I'm the last one to say people should give up on their dream, and I have my own business myself, but if your husbands been out of work for 18 months and you've used up all your savings, maybe running your own business not making any money is a luxury you can't afford? Time to put that on the back burner for a while and look for full time work?

Apologies if you already have, but it didn't sound like it.

Is your husband networking like crazy, contacting all past clients/colleagues/business contacts, active on LinkedIn etc?

Thanks flowery - it's certainly an option to ditch the whole thing, but part of the reason hubby's been out of work is because he decided to help start the business and is now way too involved! I feel that's resulted in him spending far too much time running what's supposed to be my business, and the business itself isn't what it was intended to be.

In an ideal world, I'd like him back in work, and go right back to the start, reinventing the business the way I planned for it to be [basically, online, with social media marketing and no f@g shop outlets]! Trouble is now I hold him responsible for leading the business where it was never supposed to go and ending up in this mess. I still love him, but he's a control freak and won't let it go for me to run, as he's on the "I know ecommerce like the back of my hand"; "you're cr@p at it"; etc etc]

Come to think of it - while I'm writing all this, I'm thinking - if you're such a whizz at ecommerce why aren't we making money yet [after 18 months!]? Why, after allowing him to lead things, are we now in such as bad place?

Ah.

Well that's a whole different problem isn't it? And it probably at least partly explains why your DH hasn't worked for 18 months.

Look at your last paragraph again. If you were paying an ecommerce consultant or similar to run/lead/guide your business for you, you would have terminated their contract months and months ago.

Online via social media marketing and no outlets sounds very sensible to me in this climate although obviously I don't know what your business is.

What's happening is your DH is avoiding properly searching for work by taking charge of your business and is boosting his damaged self-esteem by proclaiming him the expert and thinking of it as his business probably as well.

Meanwhile you are suffering the effects of your business not performing as you wanted financially or in the way you wanted, and your family income is suffering.

Hmm.

I may be all wrong with that of course.

I think you need to put your foot down a bit. Your business isn't making money running it his way, and he is no nearer finding 'proper' work. Because you're not making money anyway you have nothing to lose by stopping whatever strategy you are following currently and regrouping, and you need to take control yourself.

Any time he has that he isn't looking after the boys needs to be spent 100% focused on finding work. The longer he's out of work the harder it will be, but work is out there if he is good at what he does and is truly focused, networks like crazy and maximising every single avenue open to him.

You need to spend your time taking a hard look at the business, including talking it through with others if you can. Look at what marketing has brought in income and what hasn't. Look at what costs you have and what can be reduced. Set yourself some goals for this year but break them down so you have specific actions for each month.

I realise all that is very easy for me to say, but it sounds as though financially you are at the stage where some fairly drastic action is needed.

Oh, and by the way, I wouldn't want anyone who tells me I'm 'crap' at anything having any part in my business...