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Original poster

Help! Difference bwn 10 mths and 13 mths?

16 replies

WinterMymble · 01/01/2013 20:03

Hi all

I am a first time mum of a wonderful three-and-a- half monh baby girl and would be very grateful for comments from everyone more experienced.

Question is thus:
I would be massively grateful if anybody could comment on how any child you knew differed at ten months compared to thirteen months! Or phrased anither way, how does a 12-to-13 month oldbaby typically differ from a nine-and-a half-to-ten-and-a-half month old baby? I know babiea are all different so hard to answer but I am desperate for a vague idea!

You see I was scheduled to return to work when my dear little one was 10,5 months, starting at nursery a month before. but am now seriously struggling to imagine leaving her. I have to return to work due to finances, but i might be able to use my full mat leave and return later when she is thirteen months (due to annual Leave accrued).

This later return would be challenging financially but I feel like it would be slightly less agonising if ishe was just that teeny bit more independent ????- even maybe move around independently - and if I had seen just a few more of the amazing milestones that might happen around one year, though I know those vary. (I realise I don't know when she will stand or speak of course, though so far she is ahead of all the moving around and making sounds milestones).

So to reiterate I would be massively grateful if anybody could comment on how any child you knew differed at ten months compared to thirteen months!

OP posts:

Original poster

WinterMymble · 01/01/2013 20:11

The financial challenges would admittedly be significant with the 13-month option, and could also mean missing some (rare and unlikely) opportunities to move to a more family friendly job. But all those sensible thoughts evaporate when I think of losing those last few months!

Both options I would be returning three days a week but LONG hours 7 to 6.30 so I wouldn't see much if her three days a week. But I would be with her the other four days...

OP posts:

OneSliceOfSwissCheese · 01/01/2013 20:20

I went back to work and left my DD in childcare 3 days a week when she was 9 1/2 months. She made the transition quite easily at that age, quickly accepting the new routine. Interestingly, by 12 months, she'd got to the seperation anxiety stage and was far more clingy. In my case, although I would have loved more time off with her, I'm glad I went back when I did. It allowed DD to and settle into nursery at a time when she wasn't too fazed by being left. I think she and I would have found it more difficult a couple of months later. But of course, every baby is different so your situation might be differnt to mine.

And I still saw my DD's first steps, even though I'd gone back to work.

BTW, I do long days too, similiar hours to you, so I don't get to see her much on my working days but it's so worth it to have the 4 days off the her :)

AlphabetiSpaghetti · 01/01/2013 20:30

I think every baby develops at different rates, so it's hard to predict. My DS went to full time nursery at 11.5 months, but several others there were 9 months. They reacted basically the same to the new situation, and both settled well. It's a fantastic nursery which is baby led rather than adult led if that makes sense - as in the carers follow the child's routine rather than trying to make them all fit into one routine. They all eat together though, but are flexible around snacks, naps etc.

Your baby will be fine, it's worse for the mum than it is for them!

Knittingnovice · 01/01/2013 20:34

With DS I went back to work FT and left him with a cm when he was 7 months old. I have never had problems with him being clingy. He was a dream, He is now 4y6m and started school FT in September and has taken it in his stride.

DD - I was made redundant when she was 5 months old, but still started her with the CM when she was 11 months. This was partly due to her absolute refusal to take a bottle ( of anything EBM/Formula). She is now 2y10m and can still be quite clingy and tantrums very frequently when I drop her off. She has done some settling in sessions at pre school (where she will start once her funding kicks in after Easter) and it has been a struggle to leave her.

I think DD was more aware of what was happening and mummy leaving than DS was because she was older. I made every effort to make her transition to the CM as easy as possible and she was going with DS for one day a week so that there was a familiar face there.

Personally I found it easier with a younger one, but now have DC3 on the way and am going to try to use everything I have learnt from the last 2 to make sure it takes a bottle and is not as clingy.

wanderingalbatross · 01/01/2013 20:49

When DD was 3 months, I couldn't imagine leaving her to go back to work. By the time she was 9 months, I was looking forward to getting back to work again! I went back when she was 10 months, and all was fine. If I had a choice, I'd rather spend holiday with her now (19 months) as she's a lot more fun to be with :)

heidihole · 01/01/2013 21:44

At 9-10 months she will be crawling, babbling "babab" "dadadad" "mumumum"

At 12-13 she'll be cruising round furniture or taking some tentative steps across the room.

You'll probably find when she's younger she'll adapt easier to an additional carer. She might be pretty clingy at 13 months.

dizzy77 · 01/01/2013 21:53

I second wanderingalbatross: the idea of leaving my DS when he was 3-6months seemed impossible and I couldn't imagine it. Even checking out nurseries when he was 6mo (I returned when he was 11.5mo) took a leap of faith when I saw him in a room with all those "big" babies - toddling etc. I do worry I come across as a bit cold when I say I was "ready" to return to work at that time but tbh I was, and 3 days is a great balance as I feel I look forward to spending time with him when I'm at work, and can look forward to doing some productive work in the office when it's 4pm on a non work day, he's grumbly and it's raining and I've run out of ideas and it's still 3 hours till bed...

You have the right to keep your options open for some time I believe.

housesalehelp · 01/01/2013 22:26

I went back to work with DS2 at 10 months and in my expereince it was a good time to go back for both of us- and I agree at 13 months they are more likely to struggle with being left - with DS1 I went back when he was 6 months and that was a bit early - also and it depends a bit on your work - but 13 or 14 months is a long time to have off and it might be easier to go back sooner ,

MerylStrop · 01/01/2013 22:34

Went back at 6 months with DS1, 10 months DD, and at 13 months with DS2, just because of opportunities/availability of work (I freelance).

Confession. I find babies - adorable as they are - a bit irritating between 9 months and 13 months, there's something about that not quite speaking not quite mobile phase.....

I think at 3 days a week, I'd go back sooner, if it is going to be a financial strain and if there may be the opportunity to negotiate a more family friendly role. Maybe you could do 2 days per week for the first month using some accrued leave etc? Cushion yourself a bit?

12- 13 months is also usually peak time for separation anxiety and it might make the leaving of them for the first time more fraught

housesalehelp · 01/01/2013 22:38

MerylStrop -I agree they can be very hard work at that stage

Mandy21 · 01/01/2013 22:43

Dont have any experience of leaving a 9month old in comparison to an older baby, but I went back when my DD was 13 months and she was fine - not clingy, not suffering from separation anxiety or anything.

I'm the opposite to everyone else - I would take the absolute maximum materity leave you can, I know its not a massive difference but babies under 1 still seem like babies to me, very little and dependant on carers, whereas as others have said, by 13 months, they're likely to be at least cruising if not walking. Just makes them more independent imo.

TheFallenNinja · 01/01/2013 22:48

I guess, as with anything there is the head decision and the heart decision.

The heart says don't miss a waking moment and the head says, yeah, but you can't afford to.

I would try to think of it from the point of view that yes, you may miss some milestone moments (this will happen anyway) but do you want to be stressed about finances while you wait for them.

Tough call for sure but I think pragmatism wins the flip.

hellohellohihi · 01/01/2013 22:49

My DD is 12.5mo and started nursery just before Christmas. Tbh she seemed quite confused and stressed by it and was really clingy with me. I couldn't even put her down to take my shoes off without her having a meltdown poor thing. Mind you she also got that d&v bug then too which may account for some of the clinginess.

I'm fairly sure she wouldn't have been like that at 10 months....

But - the flip side is that at 10 months she desperately needed 2x long naps and 2x bfs during the day (and was IMO too young for cowsmilk, wouldn't take a bottle so formula not an option). Now she's pretty much off the boob during the day and can cope ok with 1x nap per day - so at least I don't worry about those two things so much now she's that tiny bit older.

Back to nursery tomorrow after the Christmas break and I hope she'll be ok settling back in.

I think there will always be something to worry feel guilty about so in all honesty I don't know if makes a huge difference.... For me though, any extra time I could spend with DD would be worth it (finances permitting obv). Good luck!

janey68 · 02/01/2013 10:40

I went back when dc1 was just short of 6 months, and then with dc2 he was just short of 8 months

It's very difficult to predict how a baby will be because as you say they're all different! But generally I think it's easier from the separation perspective if they're a little younger. Separation anxiety seems to kick in big time at around a year. A lot of my work colleagues nowadays take a full year off so return when their child is just hitting their first birthday, and being totally honest with you they seem to struggle a bit more settling their children into childcare than I did with mine. Having said that, your dd WILL be fine! It's always hard to imagine and it's definitely harder for the mum than the baby. And to put it in context, the older women I work with mostly returned When their babies were 3 months so in their view, I had lots of time off! And their (now grown up) Children are all fine. In the lifelong scheme of things those few months aren't a big deal. You are still the parents, the most important people in your dds life.

Original poster

WinterMymble · 04/01/2013 18:22

Thanks so much everyone for such detailed and helpful replies. It is very useful to hear. I guess it is hard to predict how each baby will be!

OP posts:

lalabaloo · 06/01/2013 17:37

It is hard to predict how babies will be, but when my DS was the same age as your little one the thought of going back to work seemed unbearable. DS is now 8 months and I go back to work part time tomorrow. I feel fine about this, he doesn't seem so small and vulnerable now and even though he can't crawl yet I know he will be fine

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