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Original poster

How the hell am I meant to make this work?!

52 replies

aimingtobeaperfectionist · 23/12/2012 22:30

I'm due to go back to work in a month or so. Have been looking at figures and based on what I'd be paid and what id have to pay for Childcare, I'd be taking home £10 a day (before tax but not sure if I'd actually be taxed on this).
I'm going to see citizens advice as soon as possible but has anyone got any thoughts/ advice/ help?
I can not survive on that, it doesn't need to cover mortgage or bills but I need to pay for food, clothes etc.
Am I expecting too much? Should I just go back full time and try to survive on £50/wk? Is this possible?!
Any advice please.

OP posts:
Original poster
aimingtobeaperfectionist · 23/12/2012 22:31

As far as I can tell from websites, we don't qualify for benefits.
My partner pays mortgage/bills and I pay food clothes etc.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 23/12/2012 22:33

£50 a week is still good, that's £200 a month. Childcare won't always be that costly.
I'm returning to work next month for a grand total of £20 a week for five mornings work, but then I'm desperate to get back to work Blush

EnglishGirlApproximately · 23/12/2012 22:34

I'm in that situation but slightly better - I get £20 a day. I'm not complaining as it was my choice to take a lower paid part time job so that I have more time with Ds bit it is tough. Will you be eligible for tax credits? If so you will probably get some help with childcare costs . Google benefits calculator to see.

MerylStrop · 23/12/2012 22:34

You and your partner need to look at your JOINT finances and work out together what you want to do.

Childcare is a JOINT expense, not just yours

KenDoddsDadsDog · 23/12/2012 22:40

Does your employer do childcare vouchers? You can save quite a bit like this - DH and I save about £1000 each every year as you can both do it if your workplace participates.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 22:44

erm, your partner earns so why would you be expected to pay for food out of just your salary?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 22:45

i dont get this, why aren't both salaries paid into one account and all bills paid out of that?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 22:48

and when i went back to work after ds2 i was working for -£70 a month after childcare, as in my salary was £70 less a month than childcare cost. but we were a family so my partner made sure we ate. that's how it works. i'm really struggling with this idea that you would be responsible for all food even if your partner had money sitting in his account. i dont get it. it's not like he's going to just buy his own food so why not combine the salaries?

EnglishGirlApproximately · 23/12/2012 22:49

Sorry I missed that you had looked into benefits. Like I said I earn very little after childcare (£240 a month) but we're thinking long term. Even though we have separate accounts there's no question that our money is ours, Dp just transfers some each month so we both have access to what we need. You need to work of together what you can afford and agree a way forward.

Original poster
aimingtobeaperfectionist · 23/12/2012 23:07

That's just how we choose to do it- he pays for the mortgage and bills and I pay for the rest.
I know others will see this as 'wrong' but it's how we do it.
Childcare is my responsibility to take care of out of my money.
I'm fine with the way we deal with money, I just need to work out how to live off £50 a week!

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 23/12/2012 23:11

You need to look at it again, then
Having a child changes everything
Child care - and food - are a family responsibility, as indeed are mortgage and bills.

AloeSailor · 23/12/2012 23:14

Childcare is a joint responsibility.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 23:19

no you dont!

are you honestly saying that if you run out of money every week he wont pay for extra food? i doubt that.

btw if the mortgage is coming out of his account every month it could leave you in a tricky situation if you separate. you could have fun proving that you are entitled to any share of the house.

get this sorted. you are a family, you and he are both responsible for feeding, clothing, sheltering and providing childcare for that child!

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 23:20

why would he even want you to try and live off £50 a week when he has money there? what sort of person is he?

AloeSailor · 23/12/2012 23:23

He's got it sorted hasn't he? He's paying towards getting a house in the end, while you feed hm and pay to look after his children. Not fair.

Original poster
aimingtobeaperfectionist · 23/12/2012 23:26

The house is his so if we split I'm not entitled to it which is fine- I've not paid for it so it's not mine!
Obviously if I have no money he pays for things, he is not a monster, it's my issue really.
I don't want him to have to pay for everything, I want to pay my own way. I'm just struggling to see how on low pay. I know it can be done- which is why I was asking!!

OP posts:
Original poster
aimingtobeaperfectionist · 23/12/2012 23:27

Aloe- she's our child, not his. He pays for me to live here, all bills paid so why would I not want to contribute?

OP posts:
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 23:29

ok so you dont want a share in the house, he doesn't want you to have a share.

why not have him pay the mortgage amount out of his salary and then what he has left goes into an account with all of your salary and you split everything else, so childcare (which he does have a share in BTW! as he benefits from being able to work while his child is cared for) food, clothes for baby and other essentials.

Original poster
aimingtobeaperfectionist · 23/12/2012 23:29

Santal- he's not happy about it. In fact we have been 'discussing' it tonight. I just don't want him having to pay for everything so I'm trying to work out a way to bring at least some money in.

OP posts:
MadonnaKebab · 23/12/2012 23:31

But paying your own way means that you are both equally affected by the massive financial difference that having a child has made to your lives
( and also by the massive difference in free time but that's another issue)
You may well have been fine with the way you did things about money before, but everything is different now. It's not fair if his outgoings don't change at all but yours do massively
And for your DC's sake you should have a stake in the roof over all your heads

AloeSailor · 23/12/2012 23:33

That's exactly my point. Its his child as well as your so why isn't he contributing to its care? , and why is he being fed by you when you won't get a house out of his mortgage at the end of 25 years.

TeaDr1nker · 23/12/2012 23:34

Surely if he can afford it he should pay all the bills and you use your income for the luxuries.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 23:35

think of it this way OP. this man's financial situation hasn't changed at all due to becoming a father, would you be happy for this agreement to continue if you have more children, 2/3/4? you continueing to struggle and pay all childcare and food while it doesn't affect either his career, his bank account or his assets (house)? is that fair?

MerylStrop · 23/12/2012 23:38

This must be a wind up.

Surely no-one is this naive?

If you are for real OP you really need to start looking after your own, and your child's interests more. You're not a partner, you're a lodger.

MadonnaKebab · 23/12/2012 23:40

If you're not entitled to benefits it's because the government says he earns enough to support his own child. He may have you bamboozled into thinking that the responsibility is all yours but that doesn't mean that the taxpayer has to make up the difference to ensure he isn't out of pocket
Surely you looked into / talked about all this earlier?

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