Awful Boss - struggling to hang on

[AlmondFrangipani]

Hi

Hoping for some help. I've been in my job for 5 years and have always enjoyed it. We had a new boss start 2 years ago and since then things have steadily deteriorated for me. I work in a small team and I am the only person who directly works for him. Despite his seniority, experience, huge salary etc he is one of the worst people i have worked for with zero people skills. He micro manages me, he is overly critical, has no empathy and bullying in his management style. To top it off we hsve nothing in common so have non personal ground to make our relationship aimable.

Does anyone have any tips on how to manage this type of relationship? I suspect he wants me to be more submissive but that's not my nature. Im suffering with anxiety because of the constant bullying. I really want to hold out for the mat pay if possible as it is very good but I can't cope for much longer...

There must be something you have in common? Doesn't have to be anything personal, something about the job you do must give you a common ground for discussion?

Re his personality..there is nothing you can do to change him. however you can help yourself by being more assertive

close yourself up for criticism, don't give him a chance. if you come across as timid he will play on that emotion you have

Poor you almond that's a horrible situation to be in, I have been there. Your boss sounds exactly like mine was. I was so anxious and upset and in the end it really knocked my confidence.

I wish I could say I could see a good outcome where you can live with it and be happy, but I don't think that happens very often - unless your boss moves on or you move on.

If you can't make yourself a submissive doormat (and I couldn't either) then it won't improve and probably will get worse. My boss would push and push until he got a reaction and didn't care what he had to say or do to upset me. Nothing was off limits and it didn't matter if it was all lies, all that mattered was that he thought he was putting me in my place. It was very distressing indeed when I had done nothing wrong. I really feel for you if you are in a similar place.

I would start to document everything just in case, particularly when he bullies you. Might be useful at some point.

Try and grit your teeth and get through to your maternity leave. Things may change for the better while you are on leave or you might be able to find something better.

Change job. It's the only option unless he's going to leave first.

Personality clashes like this happen, it's life, but why keep making yourself miserable when the problem is that you are you and he is him?

I know it is difficult, but try to take a step back. Be more objective and think that at least you can go home, he is stuck with his attitude. Start a countdown calendar, so you know exactly how much longer you have to go. Why should you lose out on your mat leave because of him?

You need to take a step back and look at the long term. Do a few extra maternity benefits outweigh your mental health? If you have some time to play with before getting pregnant, get yourself into another job. Once you have a baby you will need an understanding boss, whether you need to renegotiate your working hours, take time off with sick child... The lust goes on.

Ha! The list!! Bloody iPhone.

I did a course recently about how to deal with things like this called crucial conversations. It might be worth having a look at that book.
Also, can you talk to hr or someone about his behaviour. I agree evidence everything so you can talk about it without emotion. Being female and pregnant means that any sign of emotion or untruth will fuel his fire.
Good luck, I hope you can sort it out.