Tips for managing stress as a working mum ...

[meganandlucymummy]

I will shortly be returning to my stressful job after mat leave. I have 2 DD's under 2 and will be working full-time. I know I am going to have to be disciplined about leaving work on time no matter what is demanded of me and think I can do that.

But how can I be sure that I switch off when I leave work so the few hours I spend with the kids before bedtime is quality time?

Would really love to talk to anyone who has advice to offer x

Lower your standards is my only tip :)

Seriously, quality time is such a daft phrase as you will come home knackered, they will be whining as it is near bedtime, and at least one of you will cry :( Don't plan special activities, but just sit down, wine in hand and play. Persoanlly I fell loads of cuddles in front of telly can be considered 'quality time' if it is time you are relaxing and enjoying your kids and not stressed.

Lastly get a cleaner if you can, so you don't spend those precious hours tidying/cleaning.

Christ knows.
Wish someone could help me with managing the stress as a non working one and all.
What i would give to escape to the (relative) peace of the office.

take off your work clothes when you get home

get outside and stay outside (at least it's spring)

don't sit down

Be very clear about what hours, jobs etc that you are prepared to do. I found I was trying to be supermum/super teacher and ended up sdoing neither very well. lower your standards and expectations.

Are you driving home or on public transport?
I use public transport and find that really useful for switching back into home mode - especially the brisk walk to nursery at the end. I make lists of stuff I need to do the following day at work and then try not to think about it at all until the next day. I find rolling around on the floor with my 2 really helpful, put a bit of music on, dance about, be daft....have a laugh, I always get in the bath with them too.

I find that I really make the most of my lunch breaks and it's so nice to have some time to myself and chat with my colleagues- or read books (what a treat!!) I also go for walks (mainly to shops....) with a friend at lunchtimes to get fresh air and clear my head. I also have to be very strict about getting out on time and find that I so look forward to seeing my 8 month old dd that I forget completely about work! I agree about trying to relax about housework etc, although I just try and keep on top of it all as I go. And shout at dh, that helps!
I have been part time since Xmas and back full time next week so I may not sound so chilled out then, but good luck and I hope you can enjoy both work and home.

I was in similar situation-really hard, especially if you take work home, or have the sort of job where people sometimes contact you in the evenings, and have a partner who also works hard.
Good childcare is a must.
I suggest starting to think about the family as you leave work-picture the kids and their little faces, and forgetting work gets easier. The quality time thing is as much about YOUR quality time, as it is theirs. Of course I rarely achieved this, but they seem fine to me!

So, do as I say not as I did, here are just a few of the things I should have done:

1. Never permitted anyone to call me at home.
2. Never answered the phone to anyone until they were in bed
3. Went to bed early so I wasn't shattered when I got home the next day
4. Got a laundrywoman. I can cope with cleaning, it's the washing/ironing cycle that kills me.
5. Batch cooked.
6. Had a standing internet shop order, to be delivered mid-week

Frankly the best advice is indeed lower your standards, and remember that the kids will be happy just being with you.

I realised how cross and snappy I was getting because I was preoccupied trying to puzzle out work problems in my head when actually spending time with DD and DS. Not fair to anyone, especially them. So the key thing IMO is finding a way to shut off work thoughts and concentrate on kids, then return to work thoughts after they are in bed if necessary. Be absolutely brutal about finishing work targets by the time you have set yourself. Write things down, don't keep them in your mind, and end every working day with a list of the things you will address the next morning. Separate work time and family time, madchad's points are very good.

So much really good advice - thank you. I didn't realise but I have ridiculous and needlessly high expectations of myself - to be a domestic goddess, supermum, fantastic wife, excellent employee - it just ain't gonna happen is it?! (I can't even acheive just one of these now when on mat leave!)

Standards reset!