Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Isn't this just so insulting?

53 replies

OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 21:37

In a team personal development session when asked to describe the best things about me, my male senior colleague said "she always makes me smile"

As the most senior woman there, I think he absolutely wouldn't have said that to a male colleague.

What do you think?

OP posts:
TheFarSide · 11/07/2012 21:39

It could be a compliment if you are a bit of a comedian.

mrscumberbatch · 11/07/2012 21:40

I don't know, depends on the personality of the person.

I work with somebody who would probably say 'I heard she makes good steak pie' or 'He has lovely teeth'.

He is probably just trying to make light of the situation.

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 21:42

I am not a comedian, nor a chef. I am a consultant.

OP posts:
tribpot · 11/07/2012 21:42

I got told recently that my old team missed my 'frivolity'.

Once I'd finished comprehensively shredding the person who said this to me he came up with some other qualities they missed as well.

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 21:44

Not trying to make light either, it was a serious session.... For the men it was "great intellectualism", "brilliant at problem solving"

Oh yes and apparently I am "different" too

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 11/07/2012 21:47

I wouldn't take it to heart. I'd rather be 'different' than be the arsehole who says 'she makes me smile'.

ekidna · 11/07/2012 21:49

hmmm very difficult to say. Being on the spot to give such feedback can be pretty tricky. I've said some feedback things I regret.

I had a boss who told me that she thought I'd make a good redcoat. I was really pissed off as I was at a much lower rank than her and was desperately trying to be upgraded. Looking back I take it as a compliment, I love making people laugh, but at the time I fucking cried as felt so belittled. Thanks-glad I got that off my chest ;-)

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 21:49

I would rather be taken seriously by someone who has a say in my career

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 21:51

He wasn't on the spot, he had plenty of chance to say the stuff hidden but chose this

OP posts:
ekidna · 11/07/2012 21:52

I think you have a point.
Although I think Shakespeare would have some good points to be made about the jester being taken the most seriously.

mrscumberbatch · 11/07/2012 21:52

Tell them about it then. Say that you weren't impressed by what they said about you in front of your colleagues.

They'll either be impressed that you had the chutzpah or confused that it meant so much to you.

Hassled · 11/07/2012 21:54

On the face of it, it's quite a nice thing to say. It translates as "OneLieIn is likeable". But you quite reasonably don't want to be liked, you want to be respected - and from the sounds of it the comments to the male colleagues were respectful.

Can/would you call him on it?

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 21:57

Of course there is a whole lot more to it.

I have told him before he was insulting on something else. I am getting a bit bored of it....

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 11/07/2012 22:01

If it's repetitive behaviour then you'd best confront him about it then. Or speak to an appropriate boss higher up.

If he is trying to upset you on purpose then he's just a shit.

ekidna · 11/07/2012 22:02

he's obviously or perhaps pushed a button with the comment.

You want to be taken seriously which of course is natural.

was there a male figure in your family who didn't take you seriously ? Or is the boss man just a COCK. SORRY MASSIVELY PERSONAL QUESTION. I'm running now ....

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 22:03

It's how to do it without wrecking my career. I am senior, I can keep pulling him up on it but that doesn't stop how insulting It is at the time and how very subtly it sets a tone for the other men.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 22:04

He is a cock

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 11/07/2012 22:05

If you want to be hardline about it then I think you have no choice but to pull him aside for his behaviour.

If he was demeaning another member of staff would you step in?

Take your feelings out of the equation and consider whether his behaviour was acceptable, and take appropriate action as his senior.

mrscumberbatch · 11/07/2012 22:06

Sure he will probably gossip about it but I'd rather be a ballbreaker than a joke ifyswim?

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 22:07

It's not me, it is just this....
Men described as gravitas, problem solvers, great relationship builders, intellectual heavyweights, brave, impact full, respected

I was described as she makes me smile, different then of course your knowledge is great. It was the order, it was the language and it definitely was the fact the guy is a cock

OP posts:
ekidna · 11/07/2012 22:07

hmmm the choices:
fight
flight
freeze
confrom/ignore

HUMOUR...use humour to put the cock sucker down.
"I'm glad I make you smile...I'm really hoping to build and CPD on this next year"

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 22:07

I am not his senior, he is my senior

OP posts:
ekidna · 11/07/2012 22:08

ooh yes bon advice cummerbatchio. Take the emotion out here and then strategically nail him in real life.

Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 22:09

ekidna please come work with me

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLieIn · 11/07/2012 22:10

I will pick him up on this as earlier in te year he asked me to "help keep him true" after a particularly awful episode of terrible behaviour that I told him was totally unacceptable.

OP posts: