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Original poster

How do people afford to work

103 replies

peppajay · 23/02/2012 13:50

I have been thinking of going back to work for some time but have come to the conclusion that it will not be worthwhile as will have to pay for childcare for 2 children during the holidays, even if I worked p/t and had to pay for say 2 or 3 days childcare a wk during the holidays for 2 children, plus after school we would just break even. I have no family locally to help out.

My family and DH do not agree with working mothers anyway so I am not pressurised to go back to work but I would like to do something for my own sanity. I don't want to do sales reps or work from home as I am looking to go back to work for more of a social side and not a money side as we can just about get by on my DH's salary. We don't have holidays, a nice car or go out often but we just about get by. I feel very isolated in the day as all my friends work but none of them have to pay for much childcare as they have grandparents and family to help them out.

I could work at weekends but this is precious family time and my hubby wouldnt be happy looking after the children.

Also the stress of keeping up with the housework, packing lunches up, keeping up with the washing how does it all get done?

I think my only option would be to work in a school but these jobs don't come up often.

So I just wondered how other people do it as I seem to be the only mother who doesn't work!!!

OP posts:

callmemrs · 26/02/2012 17:00

I agree breatheslowly about pre school children. It's perfectly normal practice for nurseries to charge full time all year round. However, with school age children it's different. I don't know any cms who would charge ALL DAY for school age kids, on the basis that once in a blue moon they might have to pick them up if unwell. I can't see many cms getting business doing that!! All the cms I've known have done a mix of young babies,

callmemrs · 26/02/2012 17:01

Plus a few school age kids before/ after school and holidays, as they can have a larger quota of the older kids

OneLittleBabyGirl · 26/02/2012 17:34

breathslowly for the person earning £30k+ hopefully both she and her DH can get childcare vouchers from work. It sucks a bit if you are self employed. If you are basic rate this is just under £900 a year. Also after 3 they can get 12 hours subsidised a week.

LydiaWickham · 26/02/2012 17:36

As others have said, if you'll make money in the term time, you save some of that to pay for holiday childcare, and both you and your DH can buy childcare vouchers from pretax income, this helps reduce the 'real cost' for the childcare. You don't need to use the vouchers when you buy them, I have a colleague who just gets £40 a month and uses those to pay for the holiday clubs/CMers. (and all the nurseries I visited, even the massively oversubscribed ones, give a discount for a sibling place, so it's not 2 lots of £900 a month).

OneLittleBabyGirl · 26/02/2012 17:38

halfrom not everyone needs a work wardrobe. I am in a professional job, gets over £30k (dont consider myself well paid btw) and I wear the same clothes as I would be as a SAHM. In fact I did when on maternity.

quickhide · 26/02/2012 17:39

If, as you say, you don't mind working in a supermarket or somewhere like that then there is loads you can do. They are very flexible, I worked in sainsburys as a student on a 13 hours contract and could choose shifts to suit my schedule. Or try Boots, M and S, places like that. Or local newsagent, off licence, chip shop etc for an evening job.

The only way we afford it is I work weekends. If a part time weekday job came up once my DD1 gets to school age I would take it, as working weekends sucks!

quickhide · 26/02/2012 17:39

The only way we afford it is I work weekends. If a part time weekday job came up once my DD1 gets to school age I would take it, as working weekends sucks!

callmemrs · 26/02/2012 17:43

Agree that a 'work wardrobe' doesn't have to be a big deal. Even if a suit is the norm, you can pick up a couple of very reasonable outfits fairly cheaply. I have a 'work' wardrobe and a 'home' wardrobe but spend a lot more on my non work clothes than my work suits

OneLittleBabyGirl · 26/02/2012 17:49

And agree with others about the mortgage paid off by 40 thing on one income in a 4 bed. If I'm that well off I might have a choice not to work. Never cross my mind we can afford it.

Francagoestohollywood · 26/02/2012 17:51

your salary + your dh's salary: by the cost of the childcare you may need.

It really does sound like you really want and need to go back to work, certainly childcare is payed by both parents' salaries.

breatheslowly · 26/02/2012 17:56

One - I know that there is help with childcare, I was just looking a the headline figures.

For school age children locally to us before school care costs £3.50 a morning. After school to 6pm costs £8.75. Holiday care is £22 per day.

If you intend to use this for 2 children with 4 weeks of holiday (so 9 weeks of childcare in the holidays) then the cost is £6757 or £563 per month ignoring any help like chldcare vouchers.

If you were in a FT minimum wage job your salary would be about £12k or take home pay of about £873 per month (again ignoring the costs of working) then it is clearly financially better to work than not.

Gay40 · 26/02/2012 18:00

Did no one else think "hubby won't look after the children" and think WTF?

callmemrs · 26/02/2012 18:13

Yeap I noticed that. Awful.

Groovee · 26/02/2012 18:21

Why won't your dh look after "his" children while you work? Mine quite often does the school run or makes sure he's home after school if I won't be.

I work on supply. It was hard the first 2 years to find the money etc but since ds went to school it's been much easier and I now have extra cash.

WidowWadman · 26/02/2012 19:35

She said in the OP that neither husband nor her family live in this decade agree with working mothers, so it's no surprise it's difficult for her to find solutions.

Makes me quite cross really when women are put down like that

halfrom · 26/02/2012 20:17

callmemrs and others who criticise, you make your choice I make mine. Sahm see bringing up children diferently to those who work full time and see their children for a couple of hours a day. I think women fought for a long time to have these choices and we are all entitled to our opinion. I don;t think I'm better than anybody else nor do I feel others are better than me. For the record this country is screwed because too many people are wanting to work and there aren't that many jobs. We saved our entitlement and weren't greedy or materialistic and lived by the values important to us. We all want to do the best for our children. It's not my fault a dual income family can't afford a deposit, in the present climate if me and dh were starting ouT we couldn't either. We needed 1k deposit for our first home. If any of you were offered money to stay at home I'm sure the majority of you would choose to, so what am I supposed to do turn it down and work for less.

callmemrs · 26/02/2012 20:28

None of us have an issue with you having your opinions. It's the fact that you made pretty nasty comments like 'I didn't have my children to let someone else bring them up' which really grates because what you don't understand is that us working parents bring our children up too. You may have decided you couldn't or didn't want to combine parenting with paid work, but many parents do, most in fact, and it's just unecessary and negative to make comments like you did. Just respect the fact that not all parents give up working.

Anyway, the point here is that the op says she needs to work 'for her sanity'- a point which many of us understand. Many people don't need to work for financial reasons, and indeed proper good quality childcare often knocks out a lot of those earnings anyway- but there are hugely important reasons aside from earning/pension which attracts people to work.

I think the saddest thing is that the prejudices of her husband and family against working mums is holding the op back from finding fulfilment. If she wants to work, she should feel she can. It wont harm her children in the slightest and if it keeps her sane and happy then it's important she feels she can do so

WidowWadman · 26/02/2012 20:35

halfrom you're happy with your choice, great for you. OP is not happy. She's looking for a solution how she can afford getting out to work, which she wants to do and already has a husband and a family telling her that a mother's place is in the home.

She doesn't need more people telling her that her yearning for some stimulation outside childcare would be wrong.

FWIW, working does not mean not bringing your own children up. Work does not stop anyone from being a parent. Your choice is right for you, but not for everyone, and the way how you describe it sounds very smug/looking down on people who have different ideas of how they want to live their lives.

breatheslowly · 26/02/2012 20:36

I certainly wouldn't choose to stay at home. I like working and my DD loves nursery. Yes we all make our choices (if we have them), but mine would be to work. I think that suggesting I shouldn't have had my DD (and my mother shouldn't have had me) shows a real lack of understanding of WOHM. There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. In our case it is true, and there is a nursery in the village .

rhibutterfly · 26/02/2012 20:50

if you found a job you adored i'd say go for it, in my case i'm working in a job i don't particularly like ,mad rush in mornings ,weekends spent doing housework, ironing etc have to rely on sister and mother for childcare all for £25 more than benefits, and was actually earning that working in pub on a sat night(declared of course,your allowed to earn £20 on income support) i've had to move to bigger house which costs £20 more a week and no longer working in the pub because it was too much with working full time all week, not getting to spend any quality time with DD etc so i'mout of the house for work 40 hrs a week all for £5 more than sitting at home on benefits,feels very unfair, but i do it because i want to be a good role model to my DD i want her to see you have to work for what you get and be a productive part of society.

Why would your DH have a problem looking after the children, they are just as much his responsibility as yours surely!!

halfrom · 26/02/2012 21:12

WidowWadman. My apologies If I sounded smug it was not my intention. I just think that sometimes sahm get so much criticism from working mothers like we are lazy or something. I personally don't believe that bringing up children is spending a small amount of time with them during the week. This is only my opinion though it doesn't make me right or wrong, but was the reason I didn't go out to work as well as being financially better off at home.

To the OP, the choice is yours I don't think your husbands attitude is bad, some might say it is but we are all different. My husband feels the same. I don't think it's a mothers place to be at home if I could earn more than my husband he would be the one at home. At the end of the day it depends on your personal values and whats important to you as a couple. That said I wouldn't let my dh's family dictate what we should do.

Gay40 · 26/02/2012 21:38

halfrom, I'm strugggling to see how you are bringing up your children between 9-3 Monday to Friday? Unless you are sending psychic vibes to the school.

OneLittleBabyGirl · 26/02/2012 21:46

Both my parents worked full time and my brother and I both turned out fine. My DH is very supportive of me working because he attributed a lot of the childhood poverty and stress due to his mum not working. His dad had an industrial accident and as a one income family they fell on very hard times. Ofc his mum worked after the accident.

I think I have disagree with your view that someone has to SAH full time.

WidowWadman · 26/02/2012 21:49

I hadn't seen any SAHM bashing on this thread which you could use as justification to post inflammatory stuff about WOHM. And don't give me you've not realised your remarks were inflammatory.

Nothing of this is helping the OP - thing is, that without support from husband I can't see working working - so my plan of action would be to win him over by outlining the benefits both for OP's mental health and the benefits the children get from a childcare setting away from the parents

callmemrs · 26/02/2012 22:53

Yes, very derogatory comments from halfrom there.
If you don't want to work and can't earn more than you got in benefits anyway, then that's up to you. But don't kid yourself the rest of us aren't bringing up our own children. It just makes you look like you're not as happy with your own life as you claim to be.

No one has bashed SAHM on this thread. Many of us have simply shown support for the op and explained that we could stay home if we wanted but we choose not to. Op is bored and says she needs to work for her own well being, but unfortunately the prejudices from her family and her rather pathetic husband who can sire children but doesn't seem prepared to look after them at all , are barriers to her fulfilment.

A little empathy and support is what's needed- not snide comments suggesting that WOHP are not bringing up their own children.

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