How easy was it for you to get your career back after being a long term SAHM?

[Isitrightorwrong]

I am due to either return to work or give notice after my second maternity leave. I have two children under two.

We don't need my earnings to survive.

I enjoy the kids alot and get out to keep myself from going insane.

I worry that if I don't at least work part time that I won't easily get my career back. I have a professional qualification with years and years of senior experience.

So, my question is this: If you have already been here and come out the other side after being a long term SAHM - what was the journey like back into the work force?

I've been lurking watching this thread, very grateful to see I'm not alone in wanting a career and finding SAHM wasn't for me but also struggling with the balance of giving DC enough mummy time. Keeping in contact was everything for me.

After DS1 I rushed back to work as had it all planned before he arrived and tbh, was fortunate to be able to reduce hours a bit and squeeze into 4 days. Both new and existing colleagues have often said to me that my hours are 'not really part-time' and I put this down to me making a huge effort to be flexible in swapping days and working extra days occasionally. I have no help from family but very fortunate DH is supportive and found a nursery that was flexible and I was content with - DS1 thrived there and DS2seems to like it too. Big bonus was being one of few mums whose child skipped happily into school as he was used to going somewhere, my heart goes out to the mums who were still dealing with tears every morning for months.

Fast forward a few years through a job change, redundancy while on mat leave with DS2 and I felt very lucky to get a part-time job through an old colleague. Since then I've moved to another part-time job - through another old colleague - more hours but managed to keep 4 days and between us DH and I do school pick up 3 times a week.

School has made things a lot more complicated as I agree DC seem to need me more and it is not at all less flexible. I appreciate I've been very lucky but I think if you can show you can make part-time work for a business and you can offer some flexibility, people will remember your commitment and ability and opportunities may come to you.

Hi all

OP here again!

I am loving the posts and insight via your experiences or thoughts if you are in the same space.

Althought I can't say I have made a decision. I can say that this tread already brought be alot closer to a decision. Thank you so much everyone. I won't try to name you directly as all comments have been taken on board. The default option seems to be part time work for my people. I can re-link with contacts and maybe get something else in the future as a result of that. I got to know some fairly heavy weight people in my sector so I don?t want to annoy them, either, by taking maternity leave twice and then not coming back.

I have sort of discussed and dropped hints that I am thinking of returning to work part time with my DP but he is not one for discussing things to help make a decision. I need to do that in other ways and have a clear idea of what I want otherwise it all just turns into conflict and stress. He firmly believes that children should not be away from their mother until they are at school. Not looking forward to that discussion. But lets not go down that road.

It pains me to realise that I am not satisfied with being at home full time with the children. I do love them and will miss them terribly and will feel cheated if/when I miss important things. I just need a bit of normality sometimes. Being able to get a loaf of bread and milk without having to unload and reload two children, a buggy and coats etc is something that I really miss. On the odd occasion, when I have done that I almost feel that something is missing and that I am somehow being a fraud not having them with me.

Mothers of children my age in RL all advise be a SAHM because either they did not and regret it or did SAH and then built their career. But these ladies started being mums before they had a career (as people did then) rather than being an almost menopausal career orientated bird. These ladies feed the little monkey which is saying ? but when they have left home you will say you wish you will regret not spending time with them. Again, lets not go down that road ? these are my irrational fears.

I wish I had an idea for a business or PHD or change of career into something that pays. But I don?t. But I remain hopeful. Therefore going back to THAT job seems to be the option, by default. I will have to take the time to explore other potential opportunities too (via contacts) or have the balls to leave it if it really upsets me more than my fear of being single and or unemployable. Its important to note that this fear stems from having divorced parents and a father who was disinterested in his children. I digress again.

It's interesting how our own mothers' experience re work and divorce shapes our view of being a SAHM or not. Many of you express the concern of being left pennyless. On the other hand, my mum left teaching when I was born, and was a SAHM for 6 years. She became very very depressed. I remember days where she spent just staying in bed, while us children played on our own. We had the same lunch every day, and she yelled at us every lunch time to finish our food. (That's the only memories I have of my pre-school days). I understand when I grew up that she wasn't SAHM material, and was very unhappy about it. This means I don't have the view that a child must be looked after by their mother until they start school. Because I know what it's like to be looked after a mother that's depressed about being at home. My mum was much happier after she went back to work. If you know deep down you aren't going to be happy to SAH, then don't feel guilty about it. Don't think you aren't providing the best for your children. A child needs a happy mum more than a mum that's always around.

I am probably going back to work (have been offered post and need to give definitive response tomorrow) but I have decision fatigue! I am very nervous about going to work for numerous reasons - leaving my children aged 2 and 5 and sorting out childcare, having been out of proper work really for 5 and a half years, can I still hack it/do it..? I used to have a senior role before kids but my professional confidence has been seriously eroded by being out for some long... The impact it will have on my family, the (lengthy) commute (although I only have to do this twice a week and can work one day at home), I also ridiculously can't decide whether to work mon- wed or tues-thurs, which is better for kids/ me etc... I said I had deciusion fatigue - all advice greatfully received!!
The last few posts have been particularly interesting - I had quite bad PND after my first and have struggled with feeling low at times and much as I love my children, miss the adult conversation and am hoping work will boost my self esteem and confidence along with many other things too, although that guilt monkey is so loud with me at times!

OP I don't want this tern in to a WOHM /SAHM debate but personally working makes me a better Mum when I am around. (I do 28 hours atm)

history

I would go for Monday to Wednesday as there are five Mondays in 2012 that are Bank Holidays as opposed to nil on a Thursday. But I don't have the full picture of your circumstances to know what other considerations there are but if its pretty much an even score does this would definately tip the balance for me.

Alternatively can you do M W F as that may be easier to manage than three days in a row with the family but a total pain for taking a long weekend away.

[yellow cards naughty for straying close to the bunfight territory]

History I would say any day but Friday. In a way, Fridays are good because in offices they're usually the slackest day, but because of that if you really need 3 good days to get everything done, it's hard to motivate other people to do stuff you need doing and impossible to get anyone to stay late if needs be. In your shoes I'd probably do Tu-Th if they work the BH's out fairly, and M-W if they don't.

I do MWF (or MWT if I want a weekend away- I just bill my hours so can do what I want, but I find that alternate days is great as I dont feel obliged to check emails etc on my off days as people can wait 24 hrs in my sector). However, my job is completely self-contained so it doesn't matter what everyone else does. I am a team of 1 in my country.

Can you start on one pattern and then review after 6 months if there are factors you hadnt thought about that make another pattern preferable. Sometimes it's hard to know unless you're doing the job

If you choose Monday, beware that your entitlement for bank holidays might be pro-rata. Check with your HR first. It might mean you are forced to use your annual leave to cover the bank holidays. It could be a problem if you prefer to use your leave more flexibly.

It's definitely something I wish I'd thought about more when deciding not to go back to work after DD1 (I had a long commute and couldn't agree on acceptable part-time working). In the long run (DD1 is now 9, and DD2 is nearly 5) it has worked out okay - I started some freelance work when DD1 was 9 months (ML was only 6 months then) and gradually built up a number of projects starting with 1 day a week, up to 4 short-ish days a week. I worked on a number of interesting projects but gradually became convinced I was out of loop and would never get my career back, just a series of random jobs (see here for a thread I started a couple of years ago!)

But in fact, once DD2 started school, I landed a 3-day a week job in my old field (I spread it out to 4 shorter days a week) and so far - 4 months in - it's going really well. If I'd known it would work out like that I could have saved myself a lot of angst. I definitely wouldn't have got this job if I hadn't done the freelance work over the past 8 years.

OneLittleBabyGirl - thanks for your post about your own mum's experience as this is the conclusion I have come to from my own experience with my DCs - I honestly think we are all happier with me working at least a few days a week.

Koala that's another interesting consideration. What happens if one of your DC's is talented at something and does daily training? Weirdly we were talking about this the other day re the Australian open and why we have no tennis players. One of my friends who played pro-circuit for a while was commenting on the massive commitment by parents to get kids even close to that level, and then very few make it to pro, so it really is a huge sacrifice on long odds. His view was that this sacrifice is more likely to be made by parents of nationalities where there are fewer other options for a well paid career. Anyway, bit of a digression. I just ponder it sometimes- would I take the plunge?

Just to iterate what OneLittle says about Mondays and BH.
When I jobshared, my BHs were pro-rata (I think they usually are or it wouldn't be fare, if you're salaried). Was much more flexible for me to avoid working BH, because then I was off anyway, and got more leave to use when I wanted.

I like TuWTh better than MTuTh because I felt like I had a working week, and properly had the other days off, whereas MTuTh meant W involved some getting ready for Th, iyswim. I do think M or F are the most useful days to have off!

RE the MTWTF debate. I have been in contact with the Creche for my two to get in. They say Monday is the most available day BUT you have to pay for the day even if it is a Bank Holiday. Is that the case with all of the Childminder / Creche placements? I can see why this is not an easy decision history.

Ive been a sahm for a few years now mainly due to a genetic disorder I have making it hard for me to work. I worked from 15 till I had my son, took a year out then went back part time - had dd went back when she was 5 weeks old. She was a very poorly baby so went very part time until she was 3, retrained then took a better job until I couldnt cope physically. (18months after divorce 3 and a bit years ago)

Im so tired of the bashing I get for not working even though Im not fit to work even by ATOS standards, Ive loved being a SAHm. I regret not taking the time before. I know I was part time but I missed out on bed time stories for pretty much all of my dc's years that they wanted that kind of thing.

Much to probably many peoples disgust I have no intention of looking for anything over 6 hours a week as its all I think I could manage. But I really would like to do something now. I do adhock volunteer work which has to be permissable by dwp. I know if I work at all paid there is no way Ill be deemed unfit for work again and Ill be left without the extra 30 quid a week I get to help me get back on my feet. Im in between a rock and a hard place and I know what ever I do wont be enough for some people. I have no idea where to start as the job I retrained for I cant physically do. Its going to be a long road back into employment!

petal, don't think about other people, and what all these people think (whoever they are).

get clear in your head what would work for you.

Then go out and try to find it.

Then when you have an offer, sit down and think calmly if it is a good idea. THEN you decide.

After that, you may tell "the others" :)

it is your life.