How easy was it for you to get your career back after being a long term SAHM?

[Isitrightorwrong]

I am due to either return to work or give notice after my second maternity leave. I have two children under two.

We don't need my earnings to survive.

I enjoy the kids alot and get out to keep myself from going insane.

I worry that if I don't at least work part time that I won't easily get my career back. I have a professional qualification with years and years of senior experience.

So, my question is this: If you have already been here and come out the other side after being a long term SAHM - what was the journey like back into the work force?

ShaysLou... my words exactly, a few years ago.

I was married to my best friend, a perfect partner, a wonderful father and had a very glamorous life. (yacht in the mediterranean, private school? yes, that was us) .... and then he met his next wife and that was it.

Obviously surviving in the CSA stipulated 15% of the net salary of an ex husband is not exactly easy when you don't have a similar salary, much less so when you are no working and when the CSA have no means or time to find out his salary is several times higher than he claims or, how much is earned and stored in accounts abroad.

Believe me, it is not only those women with husbands with low salaries that end up having to fend by themselves, it can happen whether you are rich or poor. Having said that, at least 50% of the marriages survive, and most people live healthy into old age so a good number of women have nothing to worry about.

After 3.5 years at home, I have just started a part time job again. It did take quite a while to find this job and it earns half the salary that I used to earn. However, it is part time, really close to my house and the school and it is some much needed current work experience.

I have always said that I wouldn't regret my time at home if I can get some sort of 'career' back. Not bothered if it takes a while to get back where I left off as my energies are still taken up by very young children (6, 5 and 1) and I still have 30 years of working left to build everything back up again.

I would have regretted it though if I'd never been able to get back into my field of work. Although I'd like to think I would have started something for myself and found some fullfillment that way.

I also think it is important to have financial independence as a woman. I have a very happy marriage and we have been together a long time and hopefully it will stay that way. But death, divorce and disease can happen and I would want to be able to fend for myself if needed.

@piglet. So sorry your Ex turned out to be such a lousy Father and Husband. My FIL walked out on my MIL and DH and his siblings, they went from living a very priviledged childhood to living in poverty within a couple of years. Thankfully seeing his mother struggle to feed them and clothe them has made DH determined to be the good father and husband his family lived without.

I was a trailing spouse for nearly three years after DS3. Had DD abroad but came back early last year due to civil unrest in ME where we lived. Did the sums, couldn't afford not to work without moving to a smaller house, having no holidays, no spare cash for luxuries, and most importantly no pension for me, so I went back to work.

Set up a limited company to find interim work - I had 20 years in HR - and found something within 3 months and hope to go permanent (for the security reasons another post outlined re pension, sick pay etc). With hindsight, I can see how lucky I've been re the job. It is hard but I have great childcare from family and can see that if I really put the effort in, there's potential to work more flexibly in the future. My biggest concern is supporting my oldest DSs through school and homework but DH and I are working that out between us - I've asked him to make sure he leaves work "on time" one day a week so he can put the effort in that front although it'll be three days leaving on time for me (followed by work at home later in the evening) so it's not quite balanced. He's concerned about both of us having big careers but he's just not being realistic about what it costs to live - I do all of the housekeeping and money management

It would be lovely to be a SAHM but if I'm honest, I'm not very good at it here in the UK - it was much nicer and easier when an expat. I get bored too easily. I also now see I would never have got another job anywhere near so easily if I had been even another 6 months out of the job market. And all of those concerns that other posters have already expressed also play on my mind - this is the best I can do at the moment that allows for the future. My mum relied on my dad for married couple's pension - they're going to be living on the breadline for the rest of their lives and I just can't countenance that possibility for us. To be honest, I'm scared shitless about what's happening in the world.

Anyway, you have to think about all of your circumstances now and what they might be in the future and make your decision based on best fit, not what's ideal - cos that just doesn't exist.

Good luck everybody!

This is an interesting thread and the topic is very much on my mind at the moment as I'm in the middle of the recruitment process for a FT role in my field (journalism). I've been a WAHM for a few months now, trying to drum up some freelance work, which is proving rather slow and paying very little so far. SO this FT job comes up - it's exactly the sort of thing I would apply for/already be doing if I hadn't had children, and I wonder if it's my chance to get back on track with my work life. Like others on this thread we're managing financially on DH's salary - just. It would be nice to have a bigger income, spare cash for holidays, treats, maybe moving house. But of course I worry about the DDs - they're 5 and almost 2 so we've still got after-school and homework stuff for DD1 as well as nursery and then school still to come for DD2. Basically I'm the one who does the majority of school runs, assemblies, meetings and homework sessions etc so I worry I'd miss out on all that in a FT role. I'm lucky in that I already have a CM for DD2 plus a very supportive MIL who takes her other days I need to work.

I know I haven't even been offered this job (had one phone interview, waiting to hear if I'll get a face-to-face one) but I'm already agonising about Freelance vs Full Time. Do I stick in with freelance and enjoy the flexibility and extra time with the kids? Or do I get back into my career, earn more money but spend less time at home? FWIW I'm definitely not the SAHM type either - I've been getting quite bored and frustrated with that side of things and am desperate for some kind of regular work. I certainly wouldn't be in 2 minds if this was PT - I'd jump at the chance!

I hadn't even thought of the pension issues, though, raised by HomeEco and LadyLapsang...I'm ashamed to admit I have absolutely no pension provision currently so that's something I will definitely take into consideration.

And I also believe that it's easier to get a job when you're in a job or re-negotiate hours/days (although this can be very difficulty in the journalism/media industry) so that would be another reason to go for it, if a job comes up.

Of course if I'm not chosen for this one, as with several other vacancies I've applied for, the decision will be made for me...

@ CoffeeMummy - my personal view is that actually my kids may benefit more by me being around when they're older...so I concentrate now on being in the right role and building up my credentials so when the time comes, I can look for more flexibility.

You are right: it is easier to get a job when you're in one, and it's definitely easier to negotiate some flexibility once you've proved your worth in a job.

Good luck with your applications

@Shays, glad to hear my son would have learned the lesson and provide for his own children.

I tried full time with 2 kids for a year. then part time for a couple of months. then a career break - which I am still on. I feel like I ever want to go back but also know that my sanity would benefit from just a little work! I reckon if you can do 2 days a week you will probably have a good balance. the perfect solution is to get dad to go part time (say 4 days) and share the childcare so no outside childcare required, if possible. I also have to maintain my profession, you have to believe in yourself and your skills. If you leave completely, maybe you can do agency type work on occasion? I know a doctor who left a consultant post but she did occasional work and I think that really suits her. She is an amazing doctor and I can't see why she would have any problem returning to work in the future.

cabbage - ".. if you can do 2 days a week you will probably have a good balance. the perfect solution is to get dad to go part time (say 4 days) and share the childcare so no outside childcare required"

That is the solution we are looking for. Both working 3 days a week out of home and 2 days a week working at home. Not anything like as well paid as previous jobs but definitley good to get out and work and broaden horizons now DSs getting to be more independent. Its only 10 - 12 yrs and they will be at uni but by then we definitely will not be able to pick up our careers.

CoffeeMummy, I too am a journalist. I've gone in-house this year - a job came up and frankly I just couldn't say no; admittedly my daughters are bigger, and I didn't want to work f/t in an office when they were smaller, but the climate is much grimmer now. I'd seriously consider it. I do appreciate this is not an easy choice, though - I made different decisions at your stage.

I didn't have a 'long' break but took two maternity leaves of around 15 months each (maternity plus other 'leave') - in professional job. Found it pretty hard coming back, esp after the second - partly related to my own feelings of being out of the loop on professional matters etc. and partly related to the attitude of the very male environment around me (or female without children).

That said, I am very happy that I went back - and had I taken much longer I would have found it even more difficult. I think it's a phase you have to work through. I would definitely give it a go for a while - much better imho to do that, and leave a year down the line if it's not working for you, than to give it up at this stage. Because one way is reversable and the other is not so (i.e. easier to leave a job or to find another one than to re-enter the workforce after a long period out of work).

I find that as time goes on and both the dcs and I are more settled in our daily routines, the more I appreciate my work outside the home, and in some ways, the better mother I am, as I try to give them my full attention when at home.

HomeEco that's definitely something else I'm bearing in mind - I know of other folks who've cut down their hours when their kids were older...although I struggle sometimes to shake off the old cliches - 'they're only young once'...'it goes so quickly'...

motherinferior great to get your viewpoint - very useful to hear from someone in the same industry. Am I on a hiding to nothing trying to start up a freelance career at this point in time??

I don't know about you, OP, or anyone else, but I find it's difficult sorting out what you feel you SHOULD do, from what you actually WANT to do...

I have been a SAHM for 11 yrs for all same reasons as ShaysLou and on the positive side I have been pleased to be there for dh and dcs day in and day out BUT personally I feel extremely vulnerable as have severe marriage problems and would definitely not be able to get back into my old career now and have lost all confidence workwise. So while I am still pro the SAHM choice I do think that if circumstances change, which one can never predict, having the ability to work at all/up your hours or whatever would be invaluable. I admit now I was short sighted, but is easy to be so when marriage happy, children young and "these things will never happen to me".

Thank you everyone for your comments and for sharing your experiences. I am pleased that so many have found this an interesting thread. I have to say that these past two days I have logged in several times a day to see what has been said. As a result, I have been thinking ALOT. But, still I don?t know the answer.
In some ways I am blessed with options, in other ways options are a curse because you always think (in hindsight) that you would have been better of if you took another road. These options might be:

Become and be satisfied with the jobs of being a SAHM and for doing my best for my children. After all I owe them the best, I brought them into the world. Try not to worry about the future and trust that my DP will not leave me or use the ?power? of his position as breadwinner to make decisions with little or no consideration for me ? because after all I just sit around all day and have coffee with my mummy friends.

Resign and SAH until the kids are at school and do some voluntary, profession related, work for the local schools, NCT etc

Go back to the geographically convenient job I hated work full time (and was underpaid for) and work in a political mine field with direct colleagues I do not respect and believe are incompetent. But there are others I like on a personal level in the organisation.
4.
Go back to the job I hated .... working part time.

Find a new part time job. Sounds like this is near impossible in the recession.

Consult in my profession via business contacts. This would have to happen soon.

Create pockets in the day for developing a business plan and carrying it forward doing something other than accounting. But what? This would have to be at the expense of sleeping. OR

Study for my PHD / learn a language / solve the world?s energy problems. Again at the expense of sleeping.

What have I missed?

Of the options shared which I can?t do:

Both parents doing 3 or 4 days a week and sharing the childcare. Go Cabbage and Morebeta ? love the idea!!

Grandparents helping with the childcare.

What have I missed?

I wonder if we were to stand back from all of this and fast forward to the end of our lives: what decision / road would we smile more about?

CoffeeMummy I agree ? I am so mixed up with what I should be doing that I don?t even know what I want anymore. I guess I want it all. To be there 24 7 for the kids and keep my independence. Maybe I lost that when they were conceived?

I really do think the answer changes over time. And I particularly agree that kids often need you more when they are older and one of the key reasons I'm going back to work now (DC are 5 and 3) is so that I can rebuild my credentials so I can reduce again when they are older. Even at 5 my son needs much more time to talk through whats going on in school, than either of them needed when younger.

Isitrightorwrong is the answer a combination of your options or starting with one and then moving towards another eg go back to the company you worked for (maybe even your old role) but move to be with the people you respect even if its a sideways or reduced role. Or go back but set a deadline for finding consulting/volunteer opportunities so you keep focused on it and accept that resignation is there on the horizon. Keep the options evolving don't think that if you go down one path there is no way to shift to another.

Whatever happens keep in touch with the people in your industry - the role I'm taking up is a direct result of someone I use to work for and I think thats pretty common as when you have a gap on your CV, personal contacts and recommendations are vital. When looking at business contacts look across the industry at aligned organisations - could you tutor people taking accountacy exams or work for one of the professional bodies, work for one of the industry magazines? Is there an existing freelancer who is building up a business and just at the tipping point between doing it all themselves or hiring staff - could you do a couple of hours on an ad hoc basis for when they get swamped? If you have the luxury of not needing your salary to survive how about pro-bono work?

Also involve your DP in your decisions - it should be a partnership. What does he think? What are his expectations on family life now, in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years - once kids have grown up? Of course its your life and your career but its better to have the discussion now then find out you were looking at different futures - even if they aren't as drastic as divorce or major illness.

Isitrightorwrong if it's for a career, don't study for a PhD if you care for your family. I have one in computer science. And it might be different for other fields. But it's filled with young 20 somethings who have no family and who have a lot of time in their hands. You are expected to work at least 6 days a week, with hours like 10 to 10. Funding is for 3 years, and you can extend it to 4 years, but the last year is unfunded and for you to write up.

Once you have finished, and if you want to continue in the field, you need to find a postdoc. Availability of these are dependent on funding of projects from EU, UK research councils etc. The field you are trained in is very very specialised. There will only be a few universities that are in your area. These contracts are typically 3 years. What it means is you have to be ready to upstick for each contract. If you are lucky, you might be in a very well funded group that allows you to do multiple of these at the same place, and then land a lecturership at the same university. A lot more common are postdocs moving from contracts to contracts across the country, or across Europe. (I know one who did one in California, and then now is in the Netherlands. Another who finished a PhD in Oxford and now in Toyko. But these are more extreme relocations).

If you want to know what pay is like for postdocs, the jobsite to look is jobs.ac.uk.

Forgot to add that I was working from wake up till sleep on my postdocs too. And there was a lot of travel because the research councils prefer consortiums (ie collaborations of lots of universities). This means you spend a lot of time flying or on trains for meetings. On my last postdoc, I was regularly on a 6am train, and didn't get home until 10 at night.

You have to work hard because your next contract is entirely dependant on your publish record. If you don't publish, you perish. And that's the end of your research career.

I gave up when I started to think about a family. I know a year out for maternity leave is basically the death of it. The two female lectuers in my department are both childless. That's not very encouraging.

Can anyone offer any hope!...I held a fairly senior position teaching in a secondary school and had been a teacher for 13 years when I became a SAHM which I intend to do for about the next 4 years. Will I find it impossible to re-enter the profession? I think my headteacher would have me back if he is still there but what if not? Also my old school is miles away.Really want to stay at home but this keeps me awake at night. Also, I would rather like to change to Primary and teach yr R as feel so passionately about the experience pupils have early on but is this feasible? I would be expensive and out of the game compared with new graduates? Can anyone offer any experience or even just tell it to me straight!

Isitrightorwrong I think it's fair to say there is no perfect solution - we just do what we can and make the best of whatever circumstances we've chosen, and make those circumstances work for us and our families. And also try to resist 'grass is always greener' thoughts - they can be very de-stabilising! (this is always a challenge for me, as I thrive on change and dislike getting stuck in a rut)

It sounds like simply going back to the job you hated would be a bad idea - you'd likely end up miserable and would almost certainly be wondering why you didn't explore the alternatives. Could you perhaps go back part-time to keep your options open while you explore other ideas eg consulting, new job etc.

IMHO part time work is great - you get the intellectual stimulation and a bit of independence back, and you keep your career options alive. Don't pay too much attention to the guilt monkey - it'll still be there even if you become a SAHM, it'll just change its tune and bug you about something else! (I have a guilt monkey too - it's v annoying!!)

I like your idea of fast forwarding to see which decision would make us smile...anyone got a time machine?

Great thread.I have done nearly all of it.(sahp, wohm ft, woh pt and sole breadwinner with sahd.All have their pluses and minuses.I think both parents woh pt is the best solution for us at the moment, but completely agree with the poster who said it is always changing.

From your setof options I think I would return pt, at least temporalily. However a small word of caution if you are working pt and your dp is fulltime. Try not to take on all the wifework as well. IMO this really isnt fair. I think the split should be more 1/3, 2/3 IYSWIM. Another sanity saving tip is try for at least half a day a week, when you are neither employed nor looking after a pre-schooler. I don't know how practical this would be for you

Cuggles, I think that as many people find it difficult to get jobs in their proefession due to the recession, many have turned into teaching. As a result, there are far more people applying for the same pool of jobs.

DS had a fantastic tutor who had a senior position teaching in England, she left it to spend some time teaching in very commended private primaries abroad. She came back with a brilliant CV and multiple recommendations BUT ws unable to find a permanent job in the UK again.

She was working as a supply teacher for a couple of years. Before moving to take a position teaching in a private school in Switzerland she told me that she had got to the point where the lack of regular supply work had meant that she was practically living hand to mouth and had rented her house out to be able to afford the mortgage and moved to a bed sit instead. :-(

So, my advise would be to keep a foot into the profession and the CV fresh, even if it is by doing supply work from time to time.

I resigned from a professional role where i had the potential to earn lots of money after my first maternity leave planning on being a SAHM. After a few months I was bored and took a local very part time charity job which I did until a second maternity leave. I was made redundant during maternity leave which I was quite pleased about as the role had run it's course and again decided to spend some time at home but once again got itchy feet after a year and applied for and got a fantastic professional part time charity role. The money was dreadful but it was a high profile position which gave me opportunity to work at a level in line with my previous experience. I decided that I was ready for a new challenge during the autumn of 2010 but it took my until summer 2011 to find a suitable new role albeit I was only looking for PT. I am now in a role where I am working at an equal level to where I was pre maternity leave and should be able to apply for senior management roles for my next move. As I work in charities the money is never going to be fantastic but I believe that I am paid adequately for the sector.

My advice would be a keep working in some capacity as there is no way I would be back at the level I am had I had any more gaps on my CV.

hmmm - pretty much what I was thinking Piglet - thanks though for replying and confirming what I thought! I do, however, think it is a shame that those of us who go into teaching with a passion for the job are in competition with and often lose out to those who see it as a fall-back but hey ho way of the world just now - people have to do what they can!

Every day I come back to this thread slightly cringing with fear in case it's turned into a SAHM/WOHM scrap. So happy it hasn't.

OP I would ask for PT with your current role. It sounds like you do enjoy being a SAHM, so PT would give you the ability to do that and still keep your hand in at work. I know you say your job sucks, but unfortunately, getting PT in a new role will probably prove difficult as it seems that to the extent that employers have any part timers, these tend to be existing employees who have asked for that (eg people like you in your current role). Also, you do have the benefit of your current job being a known quantity in terms of hours/busy times/flexibility etc. I once worked in global finance for a multinational, and only found out after a month that the 10pm finishes were the norm for about 80% of the year, not just reporting season. Fortunately I was single and childless at the time. I had to move into investment banking to get a rest. Seriously.

Anyway, I personally find that 3 days a week (alternating mum days and work days) is a great compromise with pre-schoolers

One option might be an (e.g.) 21 hrs per week short term contract. Some companies do offer these either for special projects or backfill or as extra hands at busy times of the year. However, they are probably few and far between in the current environment and whilst often well paid, tend to be short term and insecure (1 or 2 week notice period).

Learning a language/PhD etc. I'm not sure this really solves the core problem which is retaining employability. Plus, as OBG pointed out, you're prob going to need childcare if you do a PhD anyway, so you might as well be at work.

Starting your own business: It's an option, and more people are doing it. However, remember that 50% of start ups fail in the first year and a lot of people don't really make living wages from them. If you had a really great idea, I'd say go for it, but unless you're massively enthusiastic about your business, being self-employed is hard as it's all about self-motivation. Maybe I'm just a lazy ass but I like my paychecks

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on your suggestions

Yes. I am g;lad it has not turned into a WOHP/SAHP thing too. Good ideas and thoughtful posts all round.

One angle that hasn't been discussed much is the issue of bringing some economic reslialince to the family by the SAHP going back to work in the current difficult economic climate. It's certainly one motivator for me to go back to work.

Me and DW shared childcare and we worked together at home for the last decade and we both want to add another string to our bow by going back to academic life. I am also looking at starting another business but as RealLife rightly points out, this is very risky and I am determined not to jeopardise our economic/financial position while doing that. Hence, our plan is to pull together a portfolio of jobs we can flex up and down depending how things go in one of our other jobs.

Problem is that if we don't go back to academic life now we wil not really be employable for much longer. By going back we can refresh our CVs and then decide how many days lecturing and research work we want/need to do as we go forward.