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Original poster

Have you found WOH harder since your children started school?

122 replies

bossykate · 06/01/2006 21:03

i have for a variety of reasons:

much harder to fit the school day/holidays when both parents work
childcare is hard to find
the needs of the school are at once more urgent and less negotiable
i don't want paid help doing ds's homework with him
appts to see the class teacher are at stupid non-negotiable times
harder to be involved with the life of the school if you work
children's needs become more complex as they get older - starting school is such an important life event for them

oh and probably a few other things i've forgotten to mention.

i'm just wondering

(1) how does everyone else feel?
(2) why does it appear to be the received wisdom that it is somehow easier to get a job/be employed after the children have gone to school?

OP posts:

ThePrisoner · 08/01/2006 23:21

I'm a bit gobsmacked at all of this thread really - I feel really sorry that so many working parents seem to have had so much trouble organising out-of-school care for their children. As a childminder, I have minded (and still do) several children whose parents looked forward to the "starting school" bit as the time when their childcare costs went down! No nursery to pay for, no childminder/nanny to pay for! Just a couple of hours per day, plus school holidays (which they had already been paying for previously anyway!) Take heart, uwila!!

blueshoes · 09/01/2006 07:01

Hi ThePrisoner, glad to hear of the childminder option. The reason why I have not considered that fully is I have assumed that the childminder would not be prepared to collect my child from school at 3 pm to her home - having other children to look after? It would be great if you (or anyone who uses childminders) could shed light on what is the standard arrangement.

uwila · 09/01/2006 09:23

I think it's common for a chilminder to do school runs after school, and sometimes before school as well. My problem is that my work hours are longer than most childminders work hours. And, if I have an au pair or nanny then they can be dressed for the day after I leave the house, and bathed and into their pyjamas be the time I return home. This gives me a little bit more precious time with my kids.

So, my plan is that when DD is in school full time and DS is in school part time to get an au pair who can drop them both off at school, get a childminder to pick DS up at noon, DD up at 3:30 or whever the day finishes. Then either au pair can pick them up from the childminder or I will (depending on my work and childminder's closing time). It's a long way away yet, but this is the tentative plan.

Ho hum, so it looks like I will have live in childcare for many years.... boy those kids are expensive. God only know what I'm going to do if we don't get into a free state / church school.

ScummyMummy · 09/01/2006 09:48

Tinker · 09/01/2006 10:33

ThePrisoner - I use an after-school childminder

Should clarify, covering for school holidays became such a struggle because I was a single parent at the time with no family close by who could help. Dropping down to term-time hours just seemed to relive me of so much stress.

What are people meaning by "supervising homework"? I ask her if she has any, has she done it, look over it if she wants me to but don't sit with her whilst she does it. God, am I meant to??

grumpyfrumpy · 09/01/2006 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScummyMummy · 09/01/2006 10:57

Er, that's my idea of supervision too Tinker, but it often seems to degenerate into endless pleas for help from demotivated and lazy sons. Nothing plunges me into the depths of grumpy despair more quickly than responding to said pleas...

Wordsmith · 09/01/2006 11:00

Once they start school it gets much harder. I'm now a p/t WOTH mum (temporarily) but usually p/t work at home. Since I've been WOTH I couldn't do with without having DH, who works at home, do the school run on those days. i start work at 9.30 so I could do the morning run but it was such a rush, I was always late (40 min drive), that i gave up and DH does it all 3 days a week. I couldn't even do nursery pick up time without DH as I finish work at 5.30 and nursery closes at 5.45 (again a 40 min journey).

Even when I worked at home I suddenly had to truncate my working day and finish at 3.15. The afterschool club only runs to 4.30 and I think you have to put the child's name down at birth or something to get a place. School holidays are a nightmare - DS1 did to to holiday club last summer but none of his friends did (regularly, anyway) and he hated it when he didn't know anyone. He has now announced he doesn't want to go this year.

My employer is flexible and knows I will work evenings to make up for any time I miss during the day, but that's not always possible when you need to be available in client hours.

I think the best solution is to harmonise school and work hours more - ie: more after school provision and shorter working days. I really don't want to use a succession of different types of childcare, ie from school to childminder/nanny, it's hard enough co-ordinating one child to nursery, one child to school and one adult to work!

Bink · 09/01/2006 11:31

Response especially for uwila re childcare: it totally boils down to what your kids are like.

I know families who've been entirely happy with part-time au pair type after-school care, but these were families with cheery uncomplicated confident getting-on-fine-at-school children (and with no language difficulties, so having someone whose English wasn't perfect wasn't much of an issue). It wouldn't have done for us, for lots of reasons - so our nanny bill is not greatly less than it was when we had full-time care.

I think this really is the crux of it (and this thread shows it) - while childcare for tinies is much of a muchness, childcare for older children has to be tailored to them as individuals - and may therefore be far more complicated to sort out.

So when it's time to decide what you'll do, come back to hear the options!

drosophila · 09/01/2006 16:49

I have just written to work telling them that I wsh to return to work for three days a week and that I want to work term time i.e. having the same holidays as DS. I am waiting to tell them that I also want the flexibility of working from home .

Have a look at this Flexible working legislation It explains how an employer is legally expected to consider any request for flexible working. The smaller the employer the harder it will be for them to accomodate your request but you never know.

Obviously money is a serious restriction.

ThePrisoner · 09/01/2006 19:46

blueshoes - usually, children will be dropped at my house in the morning. Sometimes they come for breakfast (sometimes, they've needed washing and dressing too, but this usually only applies to much younger children - not the schoolchildren, although I'm a dab hand at doing ponytails).

I collect children from school in the afternoon, with younger ones in tow (but it becomes an outing for us, it's not some "boring journey" they have to endure). We have snacks, and we play. I don't supervise homework, mainly because it's never actually been discussed. Will have to ask the parents tomorrow!

Some childminders will operate 24hours/day, but not many. I am happy to do early starts. I currently finish at 6pm, although it can occasionally be later. I would prefer not to work later, purely because I have my own (grown-up) family and want to enjoy my leisure time. I know lots of minders who work much later than me on a permanent basis, and are happy to do so.

Childminders can set their own rates (probably hourly) and can work whichever hours they want too, which is why parents may have problems if they don't get home till 9pm or work shifts. Many minders provide whichever meals are required. The difference between childminders and nannies etc. that you have in your own home, is that childminders tend to be the ones "dictating" how they work, rather than the parents setting the rules. (Hope that didn't sound at harsh as I think it does!)

I personally am happy to have schoolchildren in the holidays. Some won't. We have a brilliant time!

ThePrisoner · 09/01/2006 19:48

this is the place to look at to find childminders, holiday clubs etc.

dollybird · 09/01/2006 20:51

ThePrisoner - how would you feel if someone asked you to mind for their child(ren) just for a few weeks/months (ie when they start school but are part-time for the first term)?

dollybird · 09/01/2006 20:56

I have mixed feelings about ds and dd starting school (ds this Sept and dd next). As I work three days a week I am looking forward to having two days to do housework/shopping etc without toddlers in tow, but am dreading school holidays & the first term for both (see prev post) as they are both summer babies who will be part-time at first). And I am quite lucky in that dh is self-employed and will drop off two days and pick up all three days (dinner on the table when I get home!! ).

nooka · 09/01/2006 21:25

Thanks ThePrisoner - that's a really useful web site. We are just returning to nanny world after dh has finally got a new job (hurray hurray!) but luckily we have a friend who is making the transition from nursery assistant to nanny who is prepared to work the hours we want (8-9am and then 3-6.30pm) in return for the experience. However I am sure this will only be for a few months as finding nannyshares where I live has proven incredibly difficult in the past, and we don't want to pay for six unused hours. So we will need to look at childminders after that, or have an au pair, which means moving house.

blueshoes · 09/01/2006 21:53

ThePrisoner, thanks for that very informative post. It has really clarified things about childminders for me - a option I always found slightly daunting because of the sheer variety. Thanks for making that point about childminders dictating the terms - it makes sense and is good to know. Will bookmark the link you provided as well.

When the time comes, I hope to find a childminder as lovely as you. I live in London ...

cat64 · 09/01/2006 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ThePrisoner · 09/01/2006 22:24

dollybird - the primary school I drop-off/collect from only takes children mornings or afternoons for the first term after they start school anyway, so I already do this. If I have the spaces (we are limited by how many children we can have), then I would do it for anyone, even if it was purely for the first term. I have recently done this with two children - one has been with me long-term since they were a baby, one only started last September.

blueshoes - thankyou for comments, had you thought about moving nearer me??!!

dollybird · 09/01/2006 22:29

Thanks for that The Prisoner - it might be worth considering to solve my temporary childcare dilemma, especially as my neighbour is a childminder!

grumpyfrumpy · 10/01/2006 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fridayschild · 10/01/2006 14:53

My friend was excavating Ds2's PE kit bag on a Wednesday night and found a note from school (dated monday) saying please send him to school on Thursday dressed as a squirrel.....

dollybird · 10/01/2006 21:17

Thanks grumpyfrumpy. Have spoken to DH last night and we have decided to go for it and maybe even continue with school pick-up long term (we were going to try and do it all ourselves but think it will be too much of a rush). Will get over the road and talk to my neighbour asap!

I think dc's nursery do 1/2 days for schoolies aswell but not sure if they pick up either (although they are in the school grounds... might be another option)

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