Have you found WOH harder since your children started school?

[bossykate]

i have for a variety of reasons:

• much harder to fit the school day/holidays when both parents work
• childcare is hard to find
• the needs of the school are at once more urgent and less negotiable
• i don't want paid help doing ds's homework with him
• appts to see the class teacher are at stupid non-negotiable times
• harder to be involved with the life of the school if you work
• children's needs become more complex as they get older - starting school is such an important life event for them

oh and probably a few other things i've forgotten to mention.

i'm just wondering

(1) how does everyone else feel?
(2) why does it appear to be the received wisdom that it is somehow easier to get a job/be employed after the children have gone to school?

My friend is a primary teacher and has done supply teaching for about 3-4 years now, and she loves it. Works out really well for her.

I remember asking if I could go to ds's sports day. My god, you'd think I'd asked to have a years paid leave. The answer was a resounding no.

I am in a lovely school now which actually encourages every child to furfil their potential without concern for league tables.

Sounds lovely hercules. Teaching is a great job when you are in the right school

To go back to the original post, I think it is easier for some parents to think about employment when their children reach school age, for all sorts of reasons. The kids aren't babies, and there is a reason why they are out of the house (often free) for a certain number of hours a day.

None of which means it actually is easy for a lot of us, or that working practices don't need to change.

Er....does that make sense?

MI, yes - making sense!

I know for us, it only works because DH does his fair share too! He drops the children off at school in the morning and I go in early, and I come home early and he stays later.

If we both tried to do both ends of the day, it just wouldn;t work! I'm sure we would still work, but not at the seniority that we both have currently.

Oops, missed off the end!

So in families where the men don't or can't or won't do their share, it must be near impossible to make it work!

Now I have two kids we had to change our childcare arrangements as too expensive otherwise. Dh works nights and is able to do school pickups and look after toddler in the day (my mum helps for one and a half days) and dh can attend all school events.

Hula 12 weeks holiday. . I get 7 including bank holidays. I have found it harder because there is more balancing. And also I work 3 days a week and I miss having DS around on my days off. I seem to see so little of him now. Think I am feeling this particularly this week because its the first back and we went round to a friends after school and he disappeared up to play then stayed for tea so I have hardly seen him all week. Then there is the double pick up and drop off each working day.

I know Bozza - it is so good. It is because I am still employed by a college, even though in a prison, so I get their number of holidays - but as we run every week of year, I get to chose my holidays. I love it!

How are you choosing it Hulababy?

totally agree, have just given up work to be at home with my 5 yr old and 2 year old. I was in a pretty demanding job, was already effectively doing full time client load in 4 day week, plus travelling, entertaining etc. Even for the salary and supposed status, the juggling just wasn't worth it. Childcare wasn't the issue for me - i had a fantastic nanny who worked 7-7 and a pretty flexible husband. I had worked since my DD was 4 months old but once she started school i wanted to be there to pick her up, take her to parties, help with homework, chat with the teachers, other mums etc. and my client deadlines always seemed to clash with school holidays so i could never take holidays when i wanted to. so far very happy - but only 6 weeks in !

How do you mean? At the moment I choose when I have holidays completely, as DD is still at day nursery - so only enforced holiday is Christmas week. The other 11 weeks I just say when I want them. I am lucky as I don't have anyone at work I have to work around either.

As soon as Dd starts school I will be taking most of them in school holidays, although will use MIL and my mum most Tuesdays I think. Luckily they both live close to my work and are more than happy to have her (i.e. they beg me to let her go to them!)

What I find hard is that before they start school, everyone else at (day) nursery is in the same boat so the needs of working parents are taken for granted - plays or meetings arranged for the end of the nursery day, fund-raisers at the weekends etc etc. Plus all the other parents all know where you're coming from. Then at school you suddenly realise that as a wohm you are kind of in a minority - or at least it feels like it- and the whole thing seems to be run on the assumption that there is someone always around to be available for coffee mornings, special assemblies, etc etc. So, yes, I've found it much more stressful.

Agree BK. Ds started last year and it's certainly been a hard adjustment for us.

And we are so lucky in many ways. My job is incredibly flexible and I am at home too days a week so I can be around to drop off and pick up. I have made it to all the perfomances, assemblies, sports days etc.

We are lucky in that dp is a teacher and works part time so that the holidays are covered, although as he works in a college the holidays don't coincide perfectly. We have a great childminder who does the drop off two days a week and my son loves being with her - two of his friends go there too. He goes to an excellent after school club twice a week, again with friends from school.

But it's still a wrench. The older my son gets the more I realise it's me he wants. He wants me to help out in his class. He wants me to be the parent who goes with the class on the trips (I have managed one of these). His after school social life needs some arranging too and I have to make sure I keep tabs on his friends and reciprocate the playdates etc. He wants to do some after school activities that he just can't do as we are not around to take him.

Hard work too just to keep up with the demands of school, what my son needs on which days, getting the homework done, getting the forms filled, money paid for trips, even making the lunch which I didnt have to do at his lovely nursery! I spend at least 45 mins each evening retrieving stuff for him for the next day and making sure everything is in place for the next day.

I think if you are not at the school age everyday you can feel disconnected from the school - I try to alleviate that by being involved as a parent governor (easier for me to attend meetings in the evenings) and by supporting the PTA and actively getting involved in events etc.

i'm glad it's not just me then

nannies, nannies... i've had nannies like i had epidurals in my first labour - had 2 and neither worked out well! we are currently nannyless and juggling the after-school bit between us.

i think the issues we have had with after-school care have made a big difference to how i feel about this. i've always thought that confidence in one's childcare is the sine qua non for working parents - and we haven't had that for ds since he started school.

no, i'm not enjoying my working life very much at the moment for a variety of reasons, and i agree with you soapbox, without that energy, impetus whatever, the whole business is much harder.

we have also found ourselves in the position where private school with wrap-around care would be the equivalent cost to the amount we are paying for after-school nanny for ds in his state school. madness.

yes i'm up for a coffee

'at the school GATE everyday...'.

elliott, puddle - great posts.

i do have flexibility at work - more than many people but not really enough - and i think i have paid the price for it in terms of career progression.

i do think ds needs me more and more as he gets older.

i have joined the pta to support the school - one more thing to juggle.

Not read more than the 1st few posts but yes, it's much harder.
Day nursery/childminder is fine for all day. School is 9-3.30, with plays, concerts, workshops, book fairs and other things you want to be involved in happening in that time.
and oddly (or maybe not) the children seem to need you even more than when they were little.
DH and I do a very complex box and cox so the children are not in childcare.
I think the idea of working once they are at school ignores the relative impossibility of finding a job with hours from 9.30 to 3pm!

BK mine and dp'd careers have suffered to be ariound more for the kids. He is in teaching now precisely ecause it gives us the flexibility as a family to cover holidays etc. It's not his ideal and he's fining it harder and harder going. But we are far away from family and so have no back up.

I have a good job but am definitely coasting at the moment as there is a limit to how much more I can take on and still retain the flexibility I need to keep my sanity (and see my children as much as I do now).

Elliott - that's a really good point re: nurseries being set up to cater for WOTH parents. One of the many reasons I had for being a parent governor was to reflect the views of working parents on the governing body.

I have been reading this thread with interest. After a 2 year break I have gone back 3 days a week 9-5. I have 4 weeks holidays but seem to spend my life ringing up saying I am ill/DS1 is ill/DS2 is ill/school parent meeting/school nativity etc I like working (though not sure about my job) but I want to be there at the end of their school day. I know the kids want me there too. I just live in the hope that the business I am setting up will allow me to work from home!

and as lucysmum said, even if you have fantastic childcare, there comes a point when you want to be the one doing the stuff, regardless of how fab nanny/cm/on-site school club is. or at least i have reached that point.

Could you give up BK? or scale down?

I'm looking at returning to work this year and my mind turns to jelly as I get my head round who will pick up/drop off/look after ds1 (full time school) and ds2 (nursery 9 - 11.30). Yes there are childminders, but you need one who does the school runs for your school IYSWIM. I don't like the after school club - every time I pass it chaos is reigning, there are v few young children etc etc fret fret.

[jelly brain emoticon required]