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Original poster

Advice needed on coping with return to work/childcare

21 replies

Katie74 · 23/10/2003 09:29

I am due to return to work in mid-nov after 8 months mat leave and my ds will be 6 months old. I am going to be returning p/t 3 days per week,having negotiated this from part-time.

My concerns are around logistics on those days I am working. I will have a long commute into Liverpool Street ( I live in Colchester) and my ds will have to be dropped at nursery at 7.30am at the latest for me to get a 7.46 train to get to work by 9.00 I will then have to leave work at 5.00pm to pick him up by 6.30pm.

How do I cope in the morning - we struggle to be up by 8am at the moment , and that is without me looking vaguely presentable! and how do I manage ds's routine at night he is ususally bathed and having his milk by 6.00pm - do I get the nursery to give him this last feed which means I just give him his bath? - This is really getting on top of me.

The only good thing I am doing - i think is getting him settled into Nursery now - he has been going for the last 2 weeks - gradually increasing his hours -so by next week will be there the full days that I will be at work - although not 7.30am tp 6.30pm - Am I a bad mother leaving him in there for so Long???

Tips advice and support needed from anyone who has had similar experiences I am normally a very organised person but this seems beyond me......

OP posts:

Northerner · 23/10/2003 09:41

Katie, I totally sympathise with you. I too work 3 days a week and had the same concerns as you. My ds goes to nursery whilst I am at work, and it was tough at first. But you will find that you will find a routine on a morning and you and ds will slip into this easily. Perhaps you could do your makeup on the train to save a bit of time? I would try and give ds his last bottle of milk on an evening if he can last that long, perhaps nursery can hold him off with water and a banana?

But you are not a bad mother, but you probably will feel guilty at first. This will pass and you and ds will manage this new routine. Good luck.

Boot1 · 23/10/2003 09:48

Katie74, I went back to work full time with my first DD when she was six months old. You will find you get back into a routine pretty quickly and know by the clock when you need to have got things done. Its amazing how we get ourselves together when under pressure. Saying that I went down to three days as soon as I could, but I did cope with it because I had to.

prufrock · 23/10/2003 09:52

Katie you will manage - we all do. You'll hate it at first, but it will get better.
Does he sleep until 8am at the moment? If so you can get up earlier and get yourself ready before he wakes. Then just get him up and dressed, and give him milk on the way to nursery.

In the evenings could you extend his bedtime? 6pm seems a bit early to go to sleep. If he needs milk by then you could always have nursery give him some, then go home and have a bath before another small feed.

Why do you have to pick up and drop off? Do you have a dp? If so, why can he not do some of this?

And you could always have someone from the nursery take him home for you - one of my colleagues did this so that when she got home her dd was already there waiting to play with her.

And no you are not a bad mother at all.

Bozza · 23/10/2003 10:56

Katie I remember having a big concern about getting ready in the morning when I went back to work. In the end we were ready 20 minutes early and I was sitting there in a suit hoping my 15 week old baby would not be sick on me. I gradually adjusted the time. Its now that I've got a stroppy two year old with his own agenda that I struggle.

If I were you I would try and put his bedtime back and compensate with longer daytime naps if possible.

My nursery only opens 8 til 6 which means that I really struggle to drop off and pick up so DH does one normally. I can just manage if DH is working away. Like Prufrock I did wonder if you had a DP to help at one end of the day. Otherwise have you any family who could bring him home for you or something?

ThomCat · 23/10/2003 11:10

I felt exactly the same as you do know. I just could NOT get my head round it would all work. Do you know what though it just does!! I know tyou need more constructive advice than that but you just have to trust me - it'll all slot into place.

If you end up really struggling why don't you ask your boss if you could skip lunch breaks and come in a bit later and/or leave a bit earlier.

Like Prufrock says - wher is you DP/DH? Can he share in the responsibility?

Another small tip - very obvious but even so - get all the things you need for breakfast out the night before. His cereal bowl, his box of cereal, bottle, knife and plate for the toast (if he has yet?) spoon etc. Fill the kettle up, put a teabag in the cup etc, very small but can shave 5 mins off the morning rush. Have his clothes out, bag packed for childminder, have your work clothes ready ovr a chair. Do make up on train. Always wash hair night before and perhaps just damp it and restyle in morning if needs be. That sort of thing.

It really will be OK but good luck anyway. xx

kayleigh · 23/10/2003 11:27

Katie74, you will do this. I know exacty how you feel as I was the same when i first went back to work after ds1. Now I have to get my ds1 and ds2 up, dressed, breakfasted and out by 8:00. That's as well as getting myself sorted obviously !
I also commute into Liverpool Street, working 3 days from 9:30 to 4:45. I have cut my lunch break down to the minimum 30 mins so i can leave that bit earlier although most days I eat a sandwich at my desk and don't take a break. I then pick up my boys at 5:45.
It is hard but you do get into a routine. I have found it easier since I stopped trying to leave everything tidy before we walk out the door. If the breakfast plates are still on the table, or there are toys all over the floor when we get home at 6:00 it is not the end of the world. Unfortunately it took a while for me to realise this

There will be the odd day it all goes pear shaped but when you get into the office just say "train problems". Even those without children have days when they use that old excuse !

kayleigh · 23/10/2003 11:29

AND you are absolutely NOT a bad mother.

sykes · 23/10/2003 11:44

I agree - you get used to it and, honestly, you just get faster and faster/maybe cut more corners ... can he have breakfast at nursery? I know some people don't like doing this, but it helps. Also, bed times will probably change anyway and you can spend a bit longer with him in the evenings? DO get as much sorted out the night before and I tend to do make up on the train. And you'll still have loads of time with him if you're part time. Good luck.

sykes · 23/10/2003 11:46

miranda2 · 23/10/2003 18:06

Do you need to do breakfast? My ds gets his at nursery, so we spend the half hour to hour that we have together in the morning reading books etc and tehn frantically getting dressed, but I eat after I've taken him (can you eat a sardwich on teh train) and he eats at nursery.
I'd get them to give him a breadstick, banana or soemthing at 5.30, then give him the milk yourself last thing, and push his bedtime back by getting them to give him a long lunchtime nap.
Also - I bath in the evening, have long hair so just stick it in a bunch if its looking mucky, and don't wear makeup, so it takes c.3mins to get me ready in the morning!!

fisil · 23/10/2003 18:09

I worried about these things too - we've been doing it since September 1st. I have to leave for work by 7, so I had no choice but for dp to do the morning drop. Instead of me rushing out the house in a blind rush (as I had envisaged) it has turned into my job to get ds up and dress him, simply because I couldn't get through the day if I hadn't had a bit of time with him before I left. So in fact we actually have more time available in the morning than I had expected.

And while I know that commuting can be horrid, think of all those novels!

And you're not a bad Mum.

kayleigh · 23/10/2003 18:53

I take my breakfast into work, then have a bowl of cereal and cup of tea at my desk while I read my emails first thing . Bliss !!!

Original poster

Katie74 · 24/10/2003 08:54

Dear All
Thankyou for your messages - they are very reassuring !!!! My DH works in Vauxhall from Colchester so he leaves the house at just before 7 so it will be difficult for him to do much in the mornings - but I think we will need him to maybe have say 1 later start each week and he can do the drop-off - which means I can get into work earlier. I work in an investment bank in the city which means they are not terribly into relaxed hours - though they do try....(a bit) so I guess it will just have to work out.

I had thought that the Nursery coiuld do his first bottle which would mean that we have a mpre 'leisurly' start in the morning...

Thanks for all your support - I will let you know how it goes....

OP posts:

Original poster

Katie74 · 24/10/2003 08:55

one thing i did want to add - is I can't wait to have 50mins reading on the train each way - as fisil said - BLISS

OP posts:

kayleigh · 24/10/2003 08:56

Good luck Katie74. Let us know how you get on.

Blackduck · 24/10/2003 09:32

Just want to add my moral support. I went back to work fulltime when ds was 4 months old. Before hand, I, like you, just couldn't envisage how I was going to do it all and remain sane. Now we manage to get up, walk the dog, feed the babe, the dog, the cat and ourselves and get out the door....it is doable..
Only tips I can give is get as much ready the night before as possible so you aren't faffing around first thing in the morning - ie bags packed (as far as possible), clothes laid out etc.
You will, as everyone said, get into a routine fairly quickly - I think the idea of it all is worse than the reality. And to echo everyone else - no you are nt a bad mother - needs must and all that!

Mog · 24/10/2003 17:52

I'm about to return to work part-time after having my second baby. Returning after the first was easier than I thought it was going to be - dd had breakfast at nursery so that made the mornings easier.
But I'm now wondering how I can get two out in the mornings! We have to drop off at the nursery at 8 am. Has anyone returned to work with two and found it more difficult/easier than they imagined?

kayleigh · 24/10/2003 18:02

Mog, I went back to work after my 2nd ds 3 days a week and we also have to leave the house at 8:00. It isn't as hard as I thought it would be although mornings are a bit rushed and if ds2 has a last minute poo and needs a nappy change the whole thing goes pear shaped !!!
I think once you have a routine for getting out with one you just adapt it slightly for two.

beavis · 24/10/2003 22:02

Katie
I am going through exactly the same thing. (Started back 4 wks ago)It is hard but as all the messages have said a routine will happen and things will get easier. By the way I have stopped stressing about being late into work now. I work hard when I am there and my priority is now my child. It is reassuring to know that there are so many other mothers out there having to do the same thing. Best of luck,

fisil · 25/10/2003 14:14

Oh yes, Katie, we never feed ds at home - not even a bottle, we just never thought to! It turns out that most babies are actually onto their 2nd breakfast when they get there. They had wondered why our son was so eager! But we have stuck to it - cos it saves time, and also means he doesn't demand breakfast too early at w/ends, so we get to lie in til 8!

Stargazer · 26/10/2003 12:19

Hi Katie74 - no you are not a "bad mum" for leaving your DS at nursery. My DS was in daycare from 3 months old - and he's a fairly well balanced boy. Mostly I found it hard at first, but you get into a routine and it gets easier. I'm sure your DS will thoroughly enjoy his time time at nursery. Good luck.

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